40 - Sunday, October 18, 1987 — North Shore News Lifestyles___._ Lay down the law with guest fist DEAR MISS MANNERS — I wanted to have a very nice wedding, but to manage it financially, I had to limii the guest list. I am now faced with replies from several people who have filled in for ‘‘number of persons attending’? more people than were invited. If f receive many more of this type of reply, | will have to change my menu to accommodate people who were never invited. Can I in some tactful manner inform these people that they are not at liberty to invite whomever they please? miss manners by Judith ‘ Mertin if GENTLE READER — Now do you understand why Miss Manners hates those little cards with what appear to be restaurant reserva- tions requests? If you ask how many people your guests want to bring, they are going to tell you. She is afraid that you now have the choice of throwing a wedding for the friends of friends, or call- ing the original friends and apologizing for having seemed to be able to accommodate more than those whose names were actually on the invitation: “You know I love your children, but we’ve sim- ply had to limit the party to adults’; or “I’d ‘adore to meet your new friend, but we just can’t manage it at the wedding — you must bring him around as soon as we’re settled.” DEAR MISS MANNERS — How OCTOBER - 23,24, 25, 1987 FRI = 10 AM- 9 PM SAT. 10AM-6PM SUN. 10AM-6PM far in advance of the wedding date is it appropriate to send out invita- tions? My fiancee would like them mailed three or four weeks before the wedding. | feel that because some air fares require 30 days’ ad- vance purchase, the appropriate time is at least five or six weeks before the wedding, and even sooner if there are guests invited from abroad. GENTLE READER — All right: time for a new social ruling. Miss Manners always finds that ex- citing. Three or four weeks was suffi- cient notice of a wedding when it was presumed that both families and their guests lived in the seme town and already knew the date anyway, because the bride had been talking of nothing else since her engagement eight months previously. Miss Manners supports your contention that more planning is now ‘necessary to attend a wed- ding, .and that the invitations should therefore go out earlier. Let us say four to six weeks. Hallewegn’s Coming! | ¢ VISI Carol’s Costume Corner Lid. Quali 25 ef Children’ Costumes Rentals — Soles Children’s —Adults Costumes—Makeup—Wigs—Masks 55 Lonsdale Ave. 986-4880 upstairs CAPILAKOG MILL But did either of you realize that it is also possible, even before the invitations are ready, to write ac- tual letters to very distant guests asking them to reserve the date? DEAR MISS MANNERS — Hav- ing recently graduated from medi- cal school, I still feel awkward about people referring to me as “Doctor.”” My fiancee states that it is improper to send out wedding invitations without referring to me this way. The guests are all close family members and very close friends who have known both of us since childhood. I feet that using my professional degree on a wedding invitation is not only stuffy but a bit pretentious and ostentatious. I could see using my professional ti- tle on a business announcement, but not a wedding announcement. What does Miss Manners think? GENTLE READER — Miss Manners thinks you are a dear. Yours is the only such letter she has received among hundreds from people who argue, ‘‘Well, I earned it,” as an excuse for Maunting their professional titles at every oppar- tunity. 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