Cis: Wednesday, Tune

£7! 1981°° Nori’ Shore News’

QUESTION:

My husband is very
tolerant and ‘understanding
and seems able to take with a
grain of salt some of the
thoughtless or objectionable
things people do say.
But, with this couple I want
to ask yon about, he is
simply furious. | am not
nearly as tolerant and easy-
going as he is and so you can
imagine how I feel about
these two cry-babies!

Here's what they do all the
time. They continually hint
around for us to do for them.
They want us to pick up

them (but don’t make a
special trip for us dear) or
give them a lift someplace
(we just couldn't afford to
keep up our car you know).
They even hint about being
taken to some restaurant
they'd like to visit (we hardly
ever get out you know).
They even asked us to return
books to the library for
them, which turned oat to be
overdue! They put on this.
helpless, poor-me act to
such an extent that we

_ turned off from helping them
at all. Another thing that
bugs me is when we take the

hint

- their habit

something they've hinted at,
they always say, “This is so
unexpected, we
dreamed of you doing it. We
hope you don’t think we

‘were meaning for YOU to

help us out. This ft so
unexpected.” I'll admit they
have some disadvantages,
but they are only in their
early sixties and they have

no Ainancial difficulties at
all. We are very resentful of
of blatantly
scheming to hook us into
“some errand - large or small.
How can we handiec this
awkward situation without

never .

STEWART:

Give attention to your
feelings. I gather that you
resent being used, or taken
advantage of. If that is, in
fact, what is happening,
then, I believe, for your sake
and for theirs, you will need
to change the pattern. I also
gather that you really want
to help them and are aware
that “they have some
disadvantages”. So, why
don’t you & your husband
talk it over with each other
and decide how you would
like to help them and when
and how often and then offer

being hinted at? And when
you tell them what you
would like to do for them, let
them know also, that you
will be less available to them
for other chores because you
have your own interests and
way of life which you want to
live out even more fully.

avoid ever saying, . “we're
sorry, but...” Saying you are
sofry to scroungers when
you turn them down is a
clear-cut invitation for them
to try again tomorrow.

something at the store for

Whena
prince

and offer

to do

_being down-right rude? them that help, without

ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261 -6242
for appointments for individual, family or group, counselling. His
Office in the International Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) is for the
convenience of North Shore residents.

Bathrooms Beautiful

talks of Accept your feelings

work

‘

QUESTION: up another list of all my “problems” right off. But you

QUESTION: What can be done when resources. All my strengths can muster your resources
What did you think about everything seems to go and advantages and hopes that will help you find your
Prince Phillip saying-whathe _WFOug all at once? I think would be gathered together, opportunities. That you can
did about uriemployment? y «(ordinarily I am pretty good at least in my mind - whether do now. You think you have
have got the exact words but ** handling the difficulties of I felt good about them or got more than you can
it was something like life. But right now Iam with not. I would NEED that list handle, ‘but you can handle
everyone's ‘heen wanting ™Y back to the wall because and I would give it to myself. more than you think. You

more and miore leisure and
now that they've got it they
are complaining. They don't
seem to know their minds do
they? I think that was a
terrible thing to say. Would
’ you care to comment?

everything that can add to

’ the weight of my burden has

been unleashed on me. What
do YOU think you would do
in similar set of almost
unbearable circumstances?

I probably would include a
bunch of “intangible”
resources I have, like love
and trust for the universe, of
which I am a part. Then, I
think I would pray for the
good sense to bank on my

cannot do everything at once
- but you can do something
at once! (I stole that from
some wise person!). -

STEWART: resources and to “listen, in Keep Canada
STEWART: I think I would cry for a _ Silence S the wisdom of my 6) Beautiful
By now, you will have while. And I would not try higher i elf and respect it, ee
become aware that Phillip not to. Then I would admit trusting y”.
apparently thought it was a my anger or my fear or my ou can’t solve all your
terrible thing to say too. He anxiety or my depression. I
gave a pretty straightforward would try to say, “This is
apology. Anyone who makes how I feel. This is how I
such a statement in public am”. Then, I have a feeling
and then, without defending that the next thing I would CAPILANO DRAPERIES

himself at all, accepts
criticism and apologies for
his boner can't be all bad.
I've decided to give him one
more chance, provided he
promises to help me do as
well as he has done, if ever I
get asked to be Prince or
King.

do is make up a list of
everything that has gone
wrong. And that would be a
stupendous boner. I already
would know that. I would
not need that list. It has
already made me cry! Then,
when it dawned on me I was
being dumb, I would make

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