- CB-Wednesday, October 1, 1580 - North Shore News

QUESTION: My basband
says he works all week with
intellectual and
people and

fi our

that the
neighborhood,

doesn’t want to make friends
with them. I have = good
thne with my neighbors and
have made several friends.
They are not dumb-bells.
Can't be get it into his head
that this is where we live and
where we need to associate

dull and that he will not be
sharp for his work-

You get as you

QUESTION: 1 feel exactly ~

love me, bat most people
don't even like me. I want so
much for ceveryome to Hke
me and I try so hard to make

sexy way just so fd appear
attractive to someone. Mca
are not attracted to me much
and neither are women. It
seems so unfair to me. ['m
really mot afl thar bad a
person, bat tury as I aay, all
my efforts leave me without
friends, or almost that way. |
would love to get some
advice that would bcip me.

STEWART: | find myscif
liking you becausc you are
trying so hard! But, | know

for those who
can tell the difference...

ur specialty
SOLID TEAK

STEWART: You feel drawn
into being a good neighbor
and friend and so, by all
means, respect that inner tug
and respond to it well. Enjoy
your relationships in a
natural, warm and friendly
way and, discreetly, let your
husband know about the fun
you are having. I think you
would be wise not to
pressure him into being your
kind of neighbor. You know
what he SAYS to you, but
try to listen to what he
MEANS, not what he says.
He means, “I am a snob.”

you are not trying to make
me like you. I think I would
not be drawn to you if I knew
that what you were saying or
doing or writing was just in
order to make me like you.
Some of the things you are
doing are really nice. Bot,
you see, you are doing nice
things for others IN ORDER
TO MAKE THEM LIKE
YOU.! By doing that, you
miss the boat. If you want to
be well-liked, don’t TRY to
be well liked. What happens
when you try to be well-liked
is that you are really only
interested in yourself. When
you are only interested in
yourself, it ts impossible to
be interested in the other
fellow. The other fellow
senses thai you are not
interested in him or her, and
so, finds it difficult to like
you. Perhaps you’ can
develop an intcresi in a few
other pcople and in that
way, shift away from the
emphasis that has not been
useful to you anyway. Forget
about trying to be hiked and,
instead, nurture an interest
m the other person. If you do
that, I can guarantcc that the
other person is far more
fikely to be interested in you.
As you say yourself, you're
“really not all that bad a
person,” so concentrate on
giving away that person,
rather than trying to grab

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530 Brentwood Mah 291.

2

_ ask hayden stewart Feels.

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appointments for individual. family or group counselling. His new
office in the Triternational Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) is for the
converuence of North Shore residents.

Vearing a snob mask
to avoid neighbours

But you should realize that
nobody runs happily toward
snobbishness. One doesn't
choose to be a snob because
of feeling superior. It is far
more likely to be the chosen
way of someone who feels

_afraid because of his feelings

of inferiority. ['m guessing
your husband has such
feelings and is trying to do
something about them by
wearing his snob-mask. He
needs your love and support
and encouragement. He is
choosing a way that you feel
is inadequate and counter-
productive, but, for now, it
is his way. Don’t fuss over it.
Feel what he is feeling and
give him your patient love
and support. But first, YOU
be a good neighbor.

gi

something for that person.
All you've got to give away is
your SELF.

Try that for a while, just in
order to give. Don't do it in
order to be liked. Do it just
to be giving. You will
receive. It sounds crass, but
on the whole, you get what
you give. But there's no
guarantee you'll get what
you grab for. Want to be

liked? Then like people.

QUESTION: (To the fellow
who ‘phoned to say how
awful hie felt about hitting his
wife, and getting hit by her.
Sorry you hung up - or were
we cut off? I don't know
enough about your situation,
but, let me say this little bit):

STEWART: You've made a
good start by admitting how
badly you feel about

resorting to violence. You
know it’s a poor way. There's
a Chinese saying that goes
something like this: “The
one who strikes first admits
his ideas have given out.”
Don’t try to be not physically
violent. That’s too negative.
Instead, search for new
ideas, and new ways to share
them with your wife. Search
for new resources other than

[DRAPERY FABRICS

t hitting wife

your muscles. It sounded to
me when we talked that you
would like to have a better
way. Good man! Go after it.
Perhaps you will need
counselling help, but
whether you lean that way or
not, remember you've got
much better ways in you
than just hitting. Find them
and use them. You'll not
regret it.

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