QUESTION: I've almost.
reached the end of imy tether
with my wife. —
going
hopeless”, but T
wouldn't be ‘writing |
letter if I thought ‘she | was
‘hopeless. ‘But’ she has ~ so
many things wrong with her,
I could fill your whole
column with a list of them.
She's always late to
everything, she's -always
afraid of what people ‘will
think, she’s always going on
about having no energy, I
really think she has no in-
terest at all in love-making-
and when she’s had.
something to drink, her
language fs course and she's
loud.~ Also she’s terribly
critical of the children. |
There are just a few of the
things about her that need to
be different. I've honestly
tried to teach her, because
I'd like to help her, but I
‘can't get anywhere with her.
As soon as‘I start to tell her

what's
“turns it into an argument.
‘And when she gets. defen-
sive, the attempt at mature

“wrong with 1 Ber, she

conversation almost always

becomes. a fight. I wish I

could help her, but she will
not let me. I would’ really
appreciate some advice.

STEWART: Advice? O.K.,
you asked for it. First off,
admit to yourself that the
method you are using is not
working. Then the next
sensible step is to quit using

the method that you think is

not working. (In your
business, you would not
stick with a method that is
driving you’ towards
bankruptcy. You would
ditch that procedure and try
something different. Right?)

In this case, the new
method you try might very
wisely be something almost
exactly opposite to what you
have been doing. Instead of
trying to “train” her to

“most

should be, pleaSe*consider -
training yourself to. become

living-skills that have proved
helpful.<in the
evolvement of
relationships. First, .
more with. her:
you LIKE jn her*and- don't
tall at all aboyt: what you

n’t like in her. You may
heve evidences. of improved
relationship quite. soon, but I
wish you would give’ ‘yourself
a good six-months in this re-
training period.

. talk

Second: Receive her as

beautiful, exactly where she
is in her personal
evolvement at the present
time. Look past her irritating
ways to the real person she
is, without judgement and
without criticism. Practice
loyaily these two ideas for a
period of six months. When
the six months are up, I'll bet
you'll keep on, because the
rewards will be great!

Letter was in bad taste

QUESTION: ‘I happen to

know that some of the letters

you receive, you - mever

answer. In my particular

case, I wrote you about my
rather untraditional love life
and you have ignored = it.

Why fs that? Why didn’t you

print my letter and respond

to it?

STEWART: First, a general
answer. When a letter is

much too long, or is at-
tempting to promote a
theory, or plug an interest of
the writer, then I do not
include it in the columm. If
such letters are ac-
companied by a name and

address, I nearly always

write a personal note, ex-
plaining the omission. --
More specifically about
your letter. If, from your
brief reférence to it, I am

What to teach kids?

QUESTION: What do you
think are some of the most
important things to teach or
to give your kids as they
grow up? Now please don’t

say, Love and a Peaceful 4

Family etc.
STEWART: Love and a
Peaceful Family are two

good ones. (I love to rebel
like that and go right against
instructions — but don’t tell
your kids!)

Two others that I rate very
very high, will take some
pondering. I give you A
SENSE OF WONDER and

Lend a hand

Keep Canada
; Beautiful

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‘the

FREEDOM TO
DOUBT. They are pure
gold.

remembering the right one, I
can only tell you that it
seemed to me to be some-
what sexually kinky for this
sort of column and this sort
of paper. I got the feeling
that you were trying to “plug
an interest of the writer”
and, rather daring us to print
it.
It would not have taken
courage on my part, to print
your letter, but it would have
taken bad taste and I was not
up to it. I have the feeling
that the question you wanted
discussed was valid. Why not
try it again, but write it in a

way that is more apt to result

in its being printed and
answered.

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love -.

this generation is seeming to
acquire. I would just like to
say that I think the “me first”
attitude is a good one to
have as fong as it -is not
abused. When I stop to think
about who fs the most im-
portant. person im my life, it
fs. me.‘ am the one-who has
to live with myself first; I am
the one who has -to decide
what's good or bad for me
first. There are times in my
life where I've had to think
of me first or I would not
have survived. So long as I
use my attitude without
being selfish or uncaring
toward other human beings,
why not me first?

STEWART: You make your
point well:-worth considering
by including the two phrases
starting with, “as long _as.”

C13-Sunday News, July 27, 1980

_ask hayden stewart

| Freelance..Counsellor Hayden Stewart may. ‘be reached a 261- 6242
for appointments for individual, family or group counselling. His new
office in the International Plaza Hotel (Qpen Tuesdays only) is for the
. convenience of North Shore residents.

You say, “Ag ‘long. as the
attitude is not abused” and,

-“as-long as Iuse my attitude

without being selfish or
uncaring.” May I add
another “as long as”? It is
this: As long as you put the
“me first” idea at a level of
experience’ and conscious-
ness and relatedness that you
honestly consider to be of

Vital importance to the

evolving. of your. being into
the sort of total life you want
for yourself and for the

human family of which you’

are a part.

In other words, if you are
keen On true unselfishness,
you must surely put yourself
in the top priority spot, in
order to be the sort who has
something to share. “To
thine own self be true” and
loving and fulfilling, and
other people will not suffer
because of your way of life.

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[oe reer hevth evened hndanan aeetebebdhelaranetenchaeeet

sunday

Ellsworth Dickson ;
news

1139 Lonsdale Avenue,
North Vancouver
a V7M 2H4

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