80 - Wednesday, October 2, 1991 -~ North Shore News

Confused woman engages in
engagement yo-yo with men |

Q. IS IT possible to be in
love and lust with two men
at tlie same time?

I_was engaged to be married
when I met this man who swept
me off my feet. I broke the
engagement to the first one, ther
got engaged within two weeks (to
the second one. :

But the sex isn't as great with
the second one. So, in the past six
months, I have goue back and
forth from being engaged to one,
then the other.

Yam so confused. My friends
say I should stay with the second

guy, because he can give me 3 —

better life. But it’s hard to give up
the great sex with No. 1. .

What should i do? Is it possible
to make the sex beiter with the
second guy? ‘

A, It is always possible to make
the sex better when two people
care enough about each other to
make a commitment. You aren’t
ready to make a commitment to
either one of these two men!

I suggest you dé not get engag-
edto anyox:e for the next six

. months.

Date beth thesv men if you and
they find this 2: acceptable ar-
rangement. Or <zte other men. Or
don’t date any men at all! But
don’t let yourself say, ‘I will.’’

You are confused. Tell your

friends to stop making you more
confused by offering advice on
which. man you should pick. If
you keep on tike this, they will
both stop gicking you.
. Q. My wife and I seldom have
sex more than once a week. For a
long time, I. wanted more sex. I
tried everything to seduce her, but
she wasn’t interesied sny more
often. ; ;

Now, she is and I'am not. I got
tired of hearing her tel! me I was
“sex mad’’ because I wanted her

. to wear. sexy lingerie, watch X-
rated ‘videos. with me oc have sex
in the shower: I think she killed
miy sex drive by her attitude. :

13s

Dr. Ruth
Westheimer

ASK DR. AUTH

Now she’s the one who wants to
have sex in the shower. She rents
the videos and wears the lingerie
to tempt me. But once a week is
fine with me.

She says I'm trying to punish
her. I say she has shut me down
sexually. What do you say? .

A. I say there is a serious prob-
lem in your marriage! I hope the
two of you will go to see a
counsellor before things get any

worse. It sounds like you have’

both withheld sex at different
times. Nobody wins at this game!
Eventually you may stop making
love altogether.

I know you must have felt sex-
ually rejected when she was turn-
ing you down. Now she feels the
same way you did.

The two of you need profes-
sional help in iearning how to ne-
gotiate your sexual! needs so that
one person wili not always be re-
jecting the other. I want you to do
it right now! Write to let me know
how it goes.

Q. I know my boyfriend is see-
ing another woman, because he
recently started wearing condoms
when we make love. I am on the

1OF PERS
FAUIG: FART. |

“Good People to Talk to”

4199 Lynn Valiey Rd.

North Van
987-4468

Control your biood pressure!

Learn:

*to understand systolic and diastolic pressures
¢ Steps to take to reduce your blood pressure
¢ What risk factors are not under your coniro!

Take home info.
(this store only)

birth-control pill.

When 1 asked him why he's do-
ing this, he said he read an articte
in a magazine about pills and
doesn’t trust them anymore. This
doesn’t add up to me. He’s
trusted them fer twe years. Sud-
denly ke dogsn’t?

Sheuld I come right out and
ask, ‘‘Are you seeing another
woman?’’ [I want to, but I’m
afraid the answer is yes. Then i
don’t knew what I will do. Any
advice?

A. First, ask him to show you

the article that kas given him so
much concern. If he can’t produce
it, say, ‘*Look, darling, I think
you are having sex with another
woman. Are you? 1 need to know
the truth.”*
i suspect you are right. Give
him a chance to explain before
you react. Perhaps he has only
had a minor indiscretion.

lam glad he is being responsi-
ble enough to use condoms if he’s
involved with more than one per-
son, but if your relationship is no
longer morogamous, you reed to
know that, :

My only advice is not to issue
any ultimatums unless you mean
to enforce them. In the long run,
you will be happier finding out
the truth. As long as you are
suspicious, you will not be rzally
happy with him.

if he can’t be monogamous and
this is important to you, don’t
you want to find out now?

. NEWS photo Nell Lucente
BILL CRAWFORD is weighed by Cedarview Lodge care aide
Francine Pepin with an olectronic digital scale. The scale,
which enables aid workers to weigh wheelchair-bound . reei-
dents, is one of three that were donated by all three North
Shore feginn branches (numbers 114, 60 and 118) at a cost of

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