FRIEND SHOULD BUTT OUT

S1 - Wednesday, October 4, 1989 - North Shore News

it’s never too late for mirrors

Q. THE WIFE of a good friend turns 40 tomorrow. Is it
time for them to remove the mirrors from the ceiiing?

A. It's time for you to butt out,
Let them decide about those mir-
tors. For some readers out there,
we are talking about otirrors that
let the sex partners see themselves
during sex play.

There is no reason to stop using
them when she is 40. A woman
does not fall apart on the stroke of
midnight when her 40th birthday
comes up. And when they are
making love, they do no look to
themselves the way they may up-
pear to you.

ask
Dr. Ruth
Dr. Ruth Westheimer

Often outsiders resent sex toys
and ceiling mirrors around a house
where they are invited. And the
cutsiders start saying things like
“Silly middle-age nuts’’ and ‘‘Isn’t
it about time?”

But it’s really about time for you
to let other people tive their own
lives.

Q.
vaginal
tion?

A. Once so many people thought

Should 2 woman use a
douche after menstrua-

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so, with strong encouragement
from the ads of commercial
douche solutions. Now, 1 am glad
to say, I get a question like yours
very, very seldam because the idea
seenis to be dying out.

The vagina, as | have said before
in this column, has many wonder-
ful characteristics and one is that it
is self-cleaning. Its lining produces
a fluid gently and this cleanses the
organ constagtly.

Sometimes a physician tells a
patient to douche, for medical or
esthetic reasons, during a vaginal
ailment. That is the soundest
reason for douching. Or if you just
like to douche. In that case, why
not?

Q. How would you deal with a
child walking in when yo are hav-
ing sex?

A. Well, don't ignore it — the
chi!d won't be ignored. You have
to defer having sex to another
time. Stopping in mid-act is not
fatal nor even harmful, so just put
off what you are doing and find
out what the child wants. The child
wants company after a drcam or
something like that and walks in
where it thinks it is welcome.

Don't frigiiten the child, don’t
make it suddenly feel unwelcome
o: excluded; act as if comforting
the child is the priority

If the child asks, ‘‘What are you
doing?”’ just say you were huge-
ing. kissing and having a good
time, being nice to each other. And
then cuddle the child, give it some
water, take it to its bed and soothe
it to sleep. Or deal with its stom-
ach ache or whatever woke it up.

This happens so often there is
the belief that it is a universal ex-
perience of parents and children.
But it isn’t. In many families the
children never get mixed up with

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LOGS

the parental sex. Je helps to use a
lock or a fateh on the bedroom
door.

Q. My boyfriend vets upset
when I don’t want to be touched
sexually. How can ( tell him that 1
love him but enjoy other ways of
communicating tio?

A. Well, you express yourself
very well to me. Try the same good
plain words on him. He mey un-
derstand them. Maybe he isn’t as
deaf or dumb as you think. If you

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Q. - have been celibate for
almost eight months and because
of this Foam shying away from
prospective lovers, | fear starting it
2H over again; basically f fear be-
ing hurt physically. What do I do?

A.Talk to a counselor to. get
your ideas straight. You have been
celibate cight months, which is
nothing for the *‘Guinness Book of
Records."

Eight months is not a monstrous
period of deprivation — because
you are avoiding possible lovers,
not the other way around.

Fear of starting all over again is
one thing, but fear of physical pain
is very different. Do you mean fear
of being beaten up or of: pain
caused by sex, which calls for
treatment by a doctor?

You are confused and confusing
and need to sort things out with a
trained professional listener,

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