Doug Coilins

® gel this straight

SO THE back-quacks are hollering to practise their trade in
the hospitals, and this newspaper supports the idea, Well, I
don’t. Not that I’m entirely hostile to bone-crushers. But

they’re

not all ministering angels. They are not what I

would call doctors, cither, even though they may preen

themselves with that title.

You can find devotees of the
chiropractic cult on every
sidewalk, chanting the blessings
of their gurus. But some very
bright people have had no time
for them at all, HL. Mencken
was one. He believed the business
was oa black art, full of
unemptoyed plunibers and
defrocked priests.

Mencken traced the beginning
of chiropractic to an old quack
named Andrew Still, the father of
osteopathy. ‘‘Then another
quack, one Palmer, grabbed the
pinched nerve nonsense and began
to teach it to ambitious farm-
hands and out-of-elbow Baptist
preachers...Today, the
backwoods swarm with
chiropractors...’’.

{ particularly liked this bit:

“Ef a man, being ill of a pus ap-
pendix, resorts to a shaved and
fumigated longshoreman to have
it disposed of, and submits will-
ingly to a treatment involving
balancing him on McBurney’s
spot and playing on his vertebrae
as on a concertina, then | am will-
ing to believe that that man is bad-
ly wanted in heaven.”’

As a well-known fence-sitter, |
concede that Mencken was
sometimes a trifle foo critical. |
speak from experience, for I have
been through the chiropractic miil
myself,

Yea, twice have I been treated
by chiropractors who were also
medical doctors, and was well
satisfied. On a third occasion,
alas, | listened to a friend who
said he had been cured of spots
before the eyes and all kinds of
things by dis guru.

My troubles began when I tried
to make a bed in Gray Eyes’
absence, with disastrous results.

| So I repaired to the recommended
miracle shop toot sweet. There |
was hammered, punched, pulled
and knocked about for 13 rounds.

The thirteenth round !eft me
half blind and gasping,
whereupon I threw in the towel.
That I still possess a spine I at-
tribute only to Divine Interven-
tion and a blameless life-style.

Gray Eyes, my stretcher-bearer,

Big Brothers

BIG BROTHERS are signing up
for a new fund-raising veriture.

Operation Address is the name
of the campaign where residents
can buy plexiglass address plates
that display their street and house

then conveyed her crippled and
sobbing old man to Richmond,
where he suw Dr. Michael Liv-
ingston, a general practitioner
who takes a special interest in
lower back pains and has written a
book about them. (ICs called
Back Aidd)

It did not take long to fearn that
[ had been the victim) of un-
necessary tortures. The doctor
asked me, for instance, which side
[ had been jerked on. He then said
it should have been the other way,
if at all.

According to the chiropractor I
was suffering from osteoarthritis.
{t showed on the X-ray, I inform-
ed the doctor eagerly. It was a real
mess.

Dr. Livingston sighed and said
that at a certain age, almost
everyone has osteoarthritis, which |
can gather around the sacrum like |
a bunch of fancy icing on a
Christmas cake, But, he said, its
presence had absolutely nothing
to do with my condition. So I
could forget the X-ray the
chiropractor had taken. It served |
no purpose. (Except, of course,
that 1 had paid the price of two
bottles of booze for it and thus
added to the chiropractor’s well-
being.)

Dr. Livingston does not agree
with Mencken. He does not say
that all chiropractors are bums.
Some are good, he said. Perhaps
even two out of 10. But watch out
for how many treatments you are |
given, he warned, If you are not
fixed up in three or four, or at the
most five, try something dif-
ferent. You could even go to your
doctor.

If you are a true believer in the
jerks, lunges, yanks, poundings
and other convulsions of the
chiropractic table, so be it. it's
your back. Or neck. Besides, what |
does it matter provided you die
happy! Also, quackery can work.

t once took my aching tortured
torso to a charming old chap who
turned the lights out, stroked my {
neck, and told me to think of |
pleasant things. It did me no harm j
at all.

Dr Livingston fixed me up in
two wecks. Painlessly.

raise funds

number in reflective lettering.

Twenty-five per cent of the sell-
ing price goes to Big Brothers.

For a list of sign costs and more
information write suite 1105-1124
Lonsdale Avenue, North Van-
couver V7M 2H].

IANTIQUE AUCTION 5

THURSDAY OCTOBER 9, 7:15 PM
* Preview all day Thursday *

Featuring a fine collection of antique, collectible and period pieces
in oak, pine and maple; 2 large Shiraz and 2 very old Iranian carpets,
solid oak roll top; draw leaf, drop leaf & Loo tables; pine cupboards;
marble washstands: china & corner cabinets: old oak filing cabinet:
Tiffany Lamp, Victorian, Georgian & Edwardian pieces: china; silver,

etc., etc.

Capilano
Elementary
celebrates

75 years

CAPILANO ELEMENTARY
School will be holding its 75th
reunion this Thanksgiving
weekend.

Organizers are hoping that 800
people, including former students
and teachers, will attend,

They've already heard trom one
family, where three generations
have attended; and a 90-year-old
man who sill has his grade one
report card.

The school was built’ in 1908,
but was rebuilt later after a fire.

The reunion takes place Friday,
October 10 and Saturday, October
IM.

For more information call Dan
Mascisco at 986-3411.

Classifieds
Sell
986-6222

‘op!

: Horseshoe Bay

9 ~ Wednesday, October 8, 1986 - North Share News

Real Estate

Personal Injury

Ardagh Hunter Turner
Barristers & Solicitors
#30G 1401 Lonsdale Ave.. North Vancouver

986-4366 Free Initial Consultation

a 921-8161 for reservations,

3 miles north of banquets & private
parties.

qn?

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