A8 - Wednesday, May 2, 1984 - North Shore News

get this straight

We set the standards

922-3303

Discover the difference

by Doug Collins

> TAXI

Best interests?

HERE WAS A RECENT HEADLINE in

the Mailbox column which read: Doug

- Pleases the Bishop. And it interested me
because as far as | know I've never pleased a bishop

before.

As a matter of fact, b’ve
never even been noticed by a
bishop if. you discount
Bishop Remi deRoo, the
Bishop of Victoria, and he
sure as heaven wasn’t pleased
with me.

On the contrary. 1 was
working for the Sun at the
time, and Bishop Remi spent
a lot of time writing un-
complimentary letters to the
publisher concerning my
stand on human wrongs,
which he called rights. Oh
well, you can’t please
everyone, | always Say.

But about this other
bishop.
The letter in question

hadn't actually been written
by the bishop, but by the
bishop’s man, a Mr. AJ.
Wolte-Murray. And the
church in question was the
Assembly of Yahowah, of
which | have never heard |
strongly suspect that no one
else has heard of us either
(Yahweh yes, Yahoway no,
as they might say in Castro's
Cuba.) In any event, in spite
of the most rigorous research
on my part, Yahowah re-
mains a mystery to me, and |
have come to the conclusion
that Mr. Wolte-Murray, if he
exists, 1s the bishop's butler
THUNDER

Anvway ,ourcorrespondent
alowed that Collins had writ-
ten a passingly good column
on April | (further cause tor
susprcton) and that the col

umn was an echo of
Deuteronomy, Chapter 28.

Do you know
Deuteronomy? It is the fifth
book of the Pentateuch and
in its King James version is a
vehicle for thunder and noble
language. And | had forgot-
ten about it until the letter
from the bishop’s man sent
me scurrying to look it up.

First impressions were that
the Church of Yahowah was
definitely on Doug’s side.
Because if you are a good
boy, u said in the opening
verses, thou shalt be blessed
in myriad ways. There wasn’t
too much of that. sruff,
though, and pretty soon we
were being treated to some of
the most skilled imprecations
known to man.

Here's some of what will
happen to you if you are not
a good boy:

“Cursed shalt thou be
when thou comest in, and
cursed shalt thou be when
thou goest out.

‘*The Lord shall make the
pestilence cleave unto thee...

‘‘The | ord shall smite thee
with consumption, and with
a tever, and with an inflam-
mation, and with an extreme
burning, and with the sword,
and with blasting, and with
mildew...

‘‘And thy carcass shall be
meat unto all fowls of the aur,

See page A9

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