@ — Friday, February 21, 1992 - North Shore News Cultivate your own garden OUR NEIGHBORS must often peer out from behind their lace curtains and whisper: ‘‘There’s that poor Mrs. Lautens doing all the heavy work around the garden again. Where's that lazy lout of a husband cf hers? How awful it must be to be married to that man!’’ To which I would reply: (1) Yes, neighbors, you have very keen powers of observation -— that isMrs. Lautens working around the garden again. (2) In answer to your question, i.e., regarding the whereabouts of her lazy lout of a husband: he’s very likely in bed. That’s where he spends & remarkable amount of his time. (3) You’re probably right: it must be awful being married to me. But I can’t be absolutely sure. I've never been married to me. ’ Vd guess it isn’t a pleasant ex- perience, but you’d have to ask my wife. In fact, the only thing I'd doubt about the above is that our neighbors peer at us from behind the lace curtains. Not too many people have lace curtains these days. Also, we don’t have many neighbors who can actually see us. Our house is tree-clad. My wife is more likely to catch the eye of the passing trade. She's the tall lady you may have -seen blowing leaves off the steepish driveway of our Marine Drive house, hoisting bulky gar- bage bags down the said driveway on Tuesday mornings when the - trash is collected, digging up the irresponsibly wild patch of garden by the mailbox every spring, and shovelling snow from the said said driveway (I repeat ‘‘said’’ twice because I've already mentioned it twice) in winters when they're a lot less mild than this one has Furthermore; in any of the above-mentioned circumstances, you are almost certain to see that - my wife is accompanied by several small children around her knees — tugging at her sleeves, remov- ing rocks that aren’t required to be moved, lifting long, sharp tools in the direction of each other’s eyes, asking her 12,368 questions, and otherwise helping her. ‘Meanwhile, as mentioned above, I am probably in bed. Reading. Or — an even greater labor — thinking. Odd though it may seem, in- deed practically in defiance of the laws of nature, for many years I . have been paid to read, think a little, and, on occasion, write. Trevor Lautens GARDEN OF BIASES You're quite right, reader: it does seem a rather shiftless ex- istence. This impression is enforc- ed by the fact that much of this activity takes place in my bed. My bed is more or less in the attic of the house, and my bedroom has a large, sloping glass window set in the roof. From my bed | can see quite a lot of sky and a tal! conifer that waves hypnotically in the breeze (and menacingly in a high wind). Staring at this tree has produced a lot of my work. I suppose this revelation could encourage a party of aggrieved readers to conspire to cut it down in the dark of night. But that is the very time I would be position- ed to report you to the authorities, since I am almost always awake — working — some time between 11 p.m. and 6 a.m. So I wouldn't recommend it. Lam reminded of all of this because last Sunday, a jewel of a spring day bobbing on a winter of suicidal rain if jewels could float, I was actually seen physically toil- ing on my property. Now, there’s an interesting slip for you. It isn’t my property. It’s my wife’s. I have paid for it almost entirely, while she has been loafing at home raising three children, yet such is the largeness ‘of my great, big heart that the ti- tle is in her name. This may ac- count for the fact that she works on it a lot harder than I do. And here's a second slip: i couldn’t, strictly speaking, be seen working on the property. 1 was heaving very large, heavy bits of trees recently cut down and bucked for firewood in a high, hidden part of the lot where I can’t be seen. My wife meanwhile was grand- standing down by the mailbox, as usual, where everyone passing by could see her and say: ‘‘That poor woman. Working again. Isn’t that the home of the notoriously idle writer, what’s his name? You’d think he’d be ashamed to show his face.” Well, think what you will, passers-by. I merely note that I too was doing heavy labor on Sunday, bending and straining my 57-year-old body, but | just wasn't showing off about it like my wife. And in fact I was working twice as hard as she was. Because I wasn’t just wrestling with big chunks of trees. 1 was thinking too. You will have to take my word that they were melancholy thoughts, reader. My brother Gary died on Feb. 1, and on Valentine’s Day a son was born to our North Vancouver cousins Susan and Leo Fernig — the first of this generation of cousins who will never know Gary Because it is one of the most common experiences of life, I don’t have to tell readers of the wrench of the heart one experi- ences thinking of such an ir- retrievable loss on a day when the earth smells of impatient new life and the cries of ‘‘helpful”’ children crackle in the air. In Candide, Voltaire’s great parable of life, the idealistic and naive young hero experiences every disillusioning and painful adventure the world can inflict upon him. At the end, immensely sadder and immensely wiser, Candide returns to his native land, where the philosopher who inspired him still prattles on optimistically: about his theories. © Candide listens, even agrees, but his final words are a penetrating metaphor of life: ‘‘i/ faut qu'on cultiver son jardin’’ — “One must cultivate one’s garden.”’ It doesn’t seem fair that the garden I cultivate is the mere illu- sionary garden of words, while my wife labors in the real garden of soil and green shoots. Yet the secret is: both are happy. NVD’s Dykeman ‘to judge essay contest NORTH VANCOUVER District. Mayor Murray Dykeman will be one of four judges in this year’s Secondary Schools Essay Contest, sponsored by the Greater Van- - couver Regional District (GVRD). The other judges are Surrey Mayor Bob Bose, Vancouver Ald. Libby Davies. and. Pitt Meadows Mayor Bud Tiedeman. The contest, which has been running for 13. years, is open to students in Grades 8 to 12. Essay topics this year include: @ transportation and air quality; @ the impact of the Fraser River on the region; e@the quality of life in the Hockey « 1950's - 1990's ‘92 O-PEE-CHEE Premier “52”. 44” While Quantities Last. in Sears - Capilano Mai Football Limit 1 per family. Greater Vancouver region in 10 years; @ what students would do dif- ferently if they were the mayors of their communities. The contest offers 13 prizes ranging from $150 to $500. The deadline for entries is March 27. For more information call the GVRD at 432-6339. 1160 Wost 3rd Stree? (at Lloyd {Across from ICBC Claim Centre) North Vancouver - 987-3370 cite interlor/oxterier i im w ertanes Mah 39! CAULFEILD PLATEAU NEW MIDDLE SCHOOL OPEN HOUSES West Vancouver Schoo! District #45 invites you to attend the jf first of a series of Public Information Open Houses on the proposed new Middle School for Caulfeild Plateau. Members of the design team and representatives from the School District and the Municipality will be on hand to discuss issues and answer any questions regarding the project. These Open Houses will be held at: Caulfeild Elementary School, 4685 Keith Road, West Vancouver Tuesday, February 25, 1992. 3:00 P.M. to 8:00 P.M: -and- . Wednesday, February 26, 1992 3:60 P.M. to 8:00 P.M. We welcome your participation With Yorkshire Pudding, potatoes ~." Fresh vegetables, horseradish and chili sauce -. English Trifle Dessert : $12. 95 ? a? To celebrate National Heritage Week you are invited to come and see Mayor Mark Sager unveil a special commemorative plaque to celebrate the 80th birthday of Peppi's home * on February 22nd atll am - There will be refreshments available and free birthday cake for all who dress in the A costume of the early 1900's HOURS Sunday-Monday @ Lunch: 11:30am-2:30pm Dinner: 5:3Gpm-closing Foot of 25th, West Vancouver For reservations call: 922-1414 e Mr. C’s Sports Cards Baseball ¢ Basketball Buy ° Sell « Trade '91-'92 UPPER DECK Basketball Football Factory Set Box Football High Series Box. Box il Store 985-7722