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CO Ge aS

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dey nowt Ie TAAL ertk 2 pad SEMANTIC AORN AR Be ‘ ke oo WM “ad cand ie
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ats MSS.

Of mi

Dow
Gollins

SOMETIMES I wish I
were a mouse. Life
would be much quieter
and the little darlings
see all kinds of things
that the rest of us
don’t. They are God’s
Peeping Toms, and the
only way to stop them
is with a bit of cheese
on the end of a spring.

1 like cheese, too. And
lots of traps have been set

for me. So far without result.

But that’s not really the

_ item, as Jack Wasserman
used to say when he moused
around on the Vancouver
Sun. The item is a hormone
known as melatonin, which
is said to do all kinds of
wonderful things for mice
— and people.

Not that Dr. Collins is
guaranteeing anything, you:
understand. But melatonin is
said to be an antidote for
‘insGmnia, depression and

aa tagging sex drive.

mailbox

| Paradise
long lost

Dear Editor:

I wish to commend your
publication. for allowing Mr.
Collins ‘to exercise free
speech as allowed. in the
Charter of Rights.

‘His _ recent’. columns,
“Liberally Ruined,” . “Star

‘Columnist awakens” and “A |

mad mosaic of Canadian
meekness” should awaken us
all to. the madness the gov-
ermments of Canada have
"wreaked upon us since 1968.

An those days, we had no - |

“debt, we had a neighborhood
we could walk around with
few worries about criminals,
druggies, and so-called
refugess. People like Krista
Asseltine should get their
heads out of the sand and
‘look around us, See the horri-
‘ble mess this country is in, a
.. country we were once proud
of. Instead we are strangers
in our own land, a land we
are’ losing due to the present
immigration policy. Certainly
there are many good immi-
grants; people who come
here to become “Canadians.”
But the vast majority arc
like Ted White's description
“Astronaut Families” and
others who come here to
destroy our way of life.

I ‘drive in to’ North
Vancouver every week to buy
your newspaper. for it is a
beacon of hope.

I would like to hear the
immigration supporters in 25
years’ time when we will
truly see the results of this
insane policy.

~ Leonard Seward
Port. Coquitlam

ice and mel

So where do mice come
into it?

Weil, it seems that they
have pineai glands. So do
we. Little things hidden in
the brain. And a doctor at
the medical college of
Virginia claims to have
transplanted them from
young mice into old mice
with the result that the old
Mice were “rejuvenated.”

This old mouse wants to
be rejuvenated, too, although
some people
claim he is

pineal gland
that pro-
duces the
melatonin.
Frankly,
I draw the
line at hav-
ing some
other crea-
ture’s pineal
gland insert-
ed in the old bod. Who
wants mad cow disease? But
anyone wiio is envious of
old mice who have been
kick-started, as it were, can
get the melatonin hormone
from some health stores.
This being Canada, they
have to sell it under the
counter because it has not
been approved by the health
cops in Ottawa. But it is

_ freely available in the U.S.

and Europe, where it is sold

&4& Damned if I
want to wake up at
5 am. thinking
about Bill 33 and
the NDP. 9F

as a dietary supplement.

Grey Eyes grabbed some
of the stuff recently and says
it helped her to sleep.

I pinched one of her piils
the other night. And slept
like a top. But there was no
sign of any wild rejuvena-
tion, if you know what I
mean. Sti, slumber is
something, tsvecially now
that it’s getting light so
early. Damned if I want to
wake up at 5 a.m. thinking
about Bill
33 and the
NDP.

It is report-
ed that
melatonin
is being
boosted on
the Internet
as “a sim-
ple way to
overcome
aging,
boost your
immunity,
and ward
off cancer.”

But don’t confuse mela-
tonin with melanin. Melanin
can turn you black. It’s what
makes blacks black.

In animals, it fs claimed,
the hormone governs long-

term rhythms like migration

and hibernation.

Well, there’s something
to be said for hibernation. It
would be lovely to go to
sleep for the whole winter,
especially if you lived in
Saskatoon or Medicine Hat.

Manes

CASE LOT SALE

Purchase 12 mix 'n match

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latonin

But the migration bit doesn’t
sound so good. Wouldn’t
want to start following the
caribou,

Dr. Coliins must also
warn you that there’s no
point in giving this hormone
to the young. Just ask the
mice.

It can make young mice
old, which is what hap-
pened, apparently, when
researchers transplanted
Pineal glands from old mice
into young ones.

They should sue.

In humans, that might be
good for getting on to the
Canada Pension plan before
one’s time, but we codgers
don’t recommend that. And
the researchers don’t recom-
mend the hormone for preg-
nant women.

Not being a woman, or
pregnant with anything but
zeal, this mouse doesn’t
have to worry about that.

As is usual with stuff like
this, there are claims and
counter-claims regarding its
effectiveness. But no one
seems to have claimed that it
can do us any harm.

in short, we won't start
migrating, hibernating, or
taking a quick nap after
breakfast.

I'm off to take another
pill. You never know your

luck! Rejuvenation, here we a

come!

FITNESS |

You should re-evaluate your fitness level:

A. once a year

once every 3 months

B
Cc. ance a week
D once a month

DEREK A. CAVE

Trial Lawyer
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