Welcome to the [a rez Seminar for PARENTS, EDUCATORS, BUSINESS gender-neutral zone of Kemlish THANKS TO spies in Victoria I can disclose that Pro- fessor Super Simper, New Puritan, has unmanned the English language and told civil servants not to speak or write English. They must now speak Femlish. Thanks to the professor’s ef- forts, any word with ‘‘man”’ in it is consigned to the ash-can. That includes clergyman (‘‘say cleric’), early man (‘‘say primitive humans’’), repairman (‘‘say repairer’’) and middleman (‘‘say antermediary’’). Get lost, Simper. As Winston Churchill that master of the English language said, always prefer the Anglo-Saxon word to the Latin. It is stronger and shorter. But good style doesn’t concern Simper. So it is now wrong to refer to ladies and gentlemen, even if the people you are talking to are ladies and gentlemen. Call them ‘‘colleagues, delegates, members of the association, etc.’’ Man and wife are out, too. Say “wife and husband.”’ Or — if you must — ‘‘husband and wife." If you ask me, Simper lives in an academic cave. But he, she or it is making progress, because this benkiet was put out by the pro- vincial government under the title Gender-Neutral Language: In- terim Guidelines for Government Communications. The idea is to de-sex mankind (another bad word) and school us in the ways of the hermaphrodite. (Hermaphrodite: an animal, as an earthworm, having both male and female sexual organs.) _ “The booklet bulges with ear- thworm lecturettes on equality. But fet us not kid ourselves. All pigs are equal but some are more equal than others. The rea! game is inequality. Example: ‘Putting men first in phrases like men and women gives the impression that women are af- terthoughts,”’ weeps the booklet. “Say women and men. Or say women and men in one paragraph and men and women in the next.’” Simper hasn't yet laid down that women should be spelt wim- min or wimyn. But that will come. And eventually, : men will have to ask for the myn’s roum. Language, states he, she or it, reinforces barriers to women’s full and equal participation in society. It does? Then how come that every time I switch on the TV some fem is warbling at me? Or some hag out at UBC is saying what a great thing it is that beauty can no longer compete in beauty contests? Girls are out too. ‘‘Do not refer to adult women as girls, gals or ladies.’? But what if the girls like to be called girls, as in ‘‘She’s a nice old girl?’’ Simper works himself, herself or itself into some awkward posi- tions in his, her or its desire to be Politically correct. Do not use feminine suffixes like ‘‘ess,’’ “‘ctte,” it is stated, Does that mean that Mrs. Pankhurst, the famous British suffragette, should have called herself a suffrager? And how Doug Collins ON THE OTHER HAND about Priticess Diana? Should she be Prince Diana? It gets worse. *‘Avoid using ad- jectives like ladylike or manly."’ And do not say things like *‘Eric is a rocket scientist and his wife is a stunning blonde.”’ Why not? If she is a stunning blonde, she will have no objec- tion. 1 suspect that Simper is no stunning blonde. Also out are such expressions as dear, honey and sweetie. Even in the cafeterias. Wanna know something? Those heavy-faced commies in what us- ed to be the USSR never went this far. Nor did they say that ac- tresses should become actors. “Working woman” is also out, for some reason. Say rather ‘women who work outside of the house.”’ It’s a pity that the geniuses who thought up this stuff have little regard for grammar. It is unac- ceptable, they claim, to say “Everyone loves his dog.’’ Say rather, ‘Everyone loves their dog.”” Why? ‘‘Everyone”’ is a singular pronoun and “‘their’’ is a plural possessive pronoun, so the two don’t match, except colloquially. |. If masculine expressions are un- touchable, why not say ‘‘People love their dogs?’’ ‘ It’s easy to see we are all bound for a dog’s life, since jokes are out, too. “‘Gender issues are never ap- propriate for jocular treatment,”’ say these grumps. Believe it or not, this stuff was put together just before the Socreds were turfed out. Which proves that no matter who cap- tains the ship, half-wits decide the course. That reminds me. ‘Ship,’ we are told, should not be feminine. She’s not ‘‘a good ship.”’ Use the gender-ncutral ‘‘it.’* Tell that to the Queen, who at fsunchings always says ‘‘God bless this ship, and all who sail in her.”” aE Spring break program offered RECCENTRE LONSDALE is of- fering a children’s program during the spring break for kids aged six to 12 years. The one-week program runs daily from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m., from Monday, March 16 to Friday, March 20, and includes a host of activities and adventures. for everyone to enjoy. Some of the highlights include a 4 swim at the new wave pool, skating at recCentre Lonsdale, a musical extravaganza day and an opportunity to explore another culture complete with games, songs and food. Participants can register for one day or thie whole week. For more information visit any of the North Vancouver recreation centres or call 987-PLAY. Success for All Students How a Community Can Make a Difference! # Changes in home structures, the media, and the impact of peer groups present schools m with a demanding client which calls for new, powerful and a collaborative approach i to learning. Bl Or. Gary Phillips will tell us how: e Parents can learn new home rituals so that student achievement is raised by 38%. ¢ Educators can change classroom rituals so that they provide successful learning experiences for all students including those at risk. e Business can forge successful partnerships with school and home helping youth through the transition to adulthood. DATE march 12, 1992 T 1M E7-99m PLACE 333 rier? Forth van, Space is limited! Please call today to make reservations 987-4488 Sponsored by the North Vancouver Chamber of Commerce Funded by Employment & immigration Canada “Stay-in-Schooi-Initlative’ WE NEED YOUR VIEWS Supporting Our Families; Protecting Our Children its findings. The report will provide a framework for new child protection legislation that will respond directly to the needs of today’s children and families. rotecting children is one of the most important responsibilities of a society. It must be done in a way chat supports families - and deciding how best to support families while protecting children involves looking at many of our most fundamental values. W: need your views and ideas, and invite p anel members will bein ered ; you to participate in a review of British cng with and are ho wich in be Columbiz’s child protection legislation. heard. with anyone who wishes to : hea he Honourable Joan Smallwood, Minister of Social Services, has appointed a 10- C onsultation with the Aboriginal person panel to consult with British community is underway ina parallel Columbians and to prepare a public reporton _— process. Watch for further information. PUBLIC MEETING: Delbrook Recreation Centre Tues. March 24, 1992 600 West Queens 7:00 — 10:00 p.m. Panel members will be available for informal meetings in your area during the day. For further information, call the toll-free line. 1-800-663-1251 (8:30 - 4:30 Monday - Friday) NORTH SHORE If you would like to make a written submission please send one copy of your submission to: Community Panel Child Protection Legislation Review Parliament Buildings Victoria, B.C. V8V 1X4 If you would like to speak at a public meeting, please book a time by calling 1-800-663-1251. Community Panel Child Legisiation Review Hon. Joan Smaiiwood, Minister Responsible Province of British Columbia