Enviromaniacs
getting to be a bore

UNCLE BOB Hunter and
Miss Trendy-Whittaker will
disapprove, but I have to
say that stories about the
environment bore me. It’s
got so that the very word
now makes my nerve-ends
shake.

If this torment continues | will
take up smoking and blow cigar
fumes in people’s faces. A friend
of mine knows all the vilest
makes.

EF have given up reading stories
about our sanitary wretchedness.
Had to. Even the trust companies
are telling us to repent. In the
supermarkets, I cluse my eyes so
as not lo see signs telling me how
to avoid using bags. I don’t want
to avoid using bags. I even like
the ones under my eyes.

Enviromaniacs have become a
curse and an affliction. Ugsome,
to use a fine Anglo-Saxon word,
the very sound of which gives the
meaning.

When I see one of them coming
1 hide in the basement. They are
worse than the Jehovah's
Witnesses.

The more extreme among them
are the soul-mates of the dic-
tators. Like Adolf’s Brownshirts,
such creeps think nothing of
bullying business folk of whose
products they disapprove. A cou-
ple of weeks ago they were
disrupting trade in the West Van
McDonald’s. One of them got his
sneering features into the paper,
too. Very pleased with himself, he
was.

Tt does not occur to profes-
sional pests that people can make
up their own minds about things.

They are public enemies and
loonies. They are the flower
children and nitwits of the 1960s
reincarnated, except that they are
doom children.

We are done for, they chant,
unless the rice rats, the yellow-
bellied marmots and the least-

Doug
Collins

ON THE OTHER HAND

weasels breed undisturbed. And
unless the killer whales can rub on
rocks at Robson’s Bight.

But what about the
housemouse? Doesn't he deserve a
chance? Or are we to be con-
demned to dancing in the buff
under the greenwood tree? If the
greenwood tree has no objections,
that is.

It wouldn't be so bad if these
would-be world-savers contented
themselves with chanting, al-
though God knows a lot of them
have squeaky voices. Trouble is,
they also prevent honest men from
going about their lawful occa-
sions.

Doesn’t it put bumps on your
head that the forest companies are
sending archaeologists into the
woods to see whether there are
any sacred trees around? Pretty
soon, logging will be stopped
altogether so that bears can
scratch their backs on bark, un-
disturbed.

Some of these folks are really
mad, like that white loony who
chained himself beneath a car
while another poured gasoline
around so that it would be dif-
ficult to cut him loose.

Someone should have dropped a

lighted match near the silly
bastard. You know, by accident.
He would have been a loose loony
then, all right.

But there are signs that the
common folk are becoming rest-
fess.

In the Carmanah, a bunch of
enviromaniacs had their ‘research
station’? vandalized.

Couldn't help cheering. Forgive
me, Lord.

The indians are off their
trolley, too. They now say that
the Garden of Eden was on Van-
couver Island. On Indian land, of
course. Poor Adam. What did he
do for fig-leaves over there? And
was the Indian Eve being en-
vironmentally sound when she ate
that apple?

I would have cheered ugain
when the Indians and others were
hauled away from that Duffey
Lake blockade. But the police
were much too gentle.

Then there are the superloonies.
Uncle Bob’s buddy Paul Watson
is a superloony: Remember when
he charged into the wilderness to
find wolves and found only
frostbite?

He also charges other boats
with his boat, and when his fot
was mucking about up in Siberian
waters, the Russians did mankind
(not humankind, Miss Trendy) a
disservice by nor keeping them
there for 20 vears. They could
then have practised some real
conservation. Consumerism would
have been no threat at all in the
jolly old Gulag.

Dr. David Suzuki, aka Dr.
Squint, is also a superioony. And
let us not forget Dave Garrick,
NDP MP Jim Fulton's little exec-
utive helper (your party, Jack
Munro, old boy). He says that
loggers who have had to give
away to the least-weasel could
find jobs picking mushrooms.

See you at the Christmas party,
Bob and Trendy. If it’s en-
vironmentally acceptable, that is.
a

Young offender charged with firearm offence

THE WEST Vancouver Police have charged a young
offender with pointing a firearm after a Nov. 15 in-
cident in the 1300-block of Clyde Avenue.

Police report the suspect pointed a pellet gun at
someone as a result of an altercation that occurred

over a parking spot.
Charges are also pending against a 16-year-old
West Vancouver youth who was found in the posses-

sion of a replica of a 9 mm. handgun, three fake

bullets and a switch blade knife while riding a bus in
the 2200-biock of Marine Drive.

Wednesday, November 21 , 1990 ~ North Shore News - 9

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