A
. John Moore . .
“. BOOK REVIEW.

nto every life a little rain’
must fall, not to mention
«fi the odd monsoon. in our
complex society, crisis man-
“agement skills are-a little.
move involved than running
away frorn what scares you
_ Or, alternatively, hitting it
with a pointed stick. The
vast amount of “self-help”
‘books on the shelves, never
“mind the late-night TV
infomercials for tapes,
_seminars, etc., bears witness
“to the demand for. such
skills.

“Here area few navigation is
‘that may shorten your.time int
stacks, :

” “Marriage i in our culture still .
‘tends to be based on notions of-
romantic love that are probably a
better basis for a hot weekend in
a motel; hence the almost 50%

divorce rate. If you're planning to

et hitched, there’s'an excellent

k by. ¢ Chilliwack psychologist =

“Dr. Robert Lees you should read
before you say, “Ido.” -
‘PREPARED COMPANIONS,
$14. 95, Pan Pac Press), is a

“communication manual for lov- °

ing relationships”,that deals with
personality i issues, expectations,
communication, sexuality, par-.
‘enting, etc. in a format that is:
brief, direct and’ unclogged by

~ jargon: Even if you're already
married, the chapters on conflict
resolution and reorganizing rela-
‘tionships that are drifting toward ,
the rocks are well worth reading |
“and talking about with your

: Spouse.

yourself having to read Nancy

‘Hf you fail to acquire ‘the skills: H
Dr: Lees discusses, you may find °

Kilgore’ $ equally brief but muck
more painful book, EVERY EIGH-
TEEN SECONDS, ($11.95.
Volcano Press/Raincoast Books).
An account of Kilgore’s “journey
through clomestic violence,” itis
written in the form of letters to
her son in which she very can-
diclly explains her involvement in
an abusive relationship.

These kind of books are par-
ticularly difficult for men to reacl,
since many of them imply a col-
lective gender-guilt that makes
non-abusive men feel unfairly’
accused, but Kilgore is very even-
handed. She knows it takes two
to tangle as well as tango and
she’s very up-front about the self-

’ destructive female behaviors that

help perpetrate the cycle of vio-
lence, If either of you see your-
selves in this book, get separate
addresses and professional help.
eae

Another difficult subject that’s
made headlines in recent years is
the “adoption reunion” trend.

We've all seen the heart-warming

stories on Oprah or A Current
Affair of adopted children reunit-
ed with parents and/or siblings.
However, the reality is that this is
not an issue that ‘can be dealt
with in a TV “bite.” It’s a mine-
field of emotional ambivalence
and ambiguity for adoptees, birth
parents and adoptive fa jamilies
alike,

Michelle McColm not only

. carried out extensive interviews

with people from all three groups
involved, she went through the
process itself as an adoptee seek-
ing her birth mother before writ-
ing ADOPTION REUNIONS.

- ($75.95, Second Story Press).

More than just case histories,
this is a step-by-step guide by
someone who's been down the
road before and can help you
avoid the unexpected curves and
.pot-holes. Even of you are just
thinking about adopting a child,
you should read this to get an
idea of the kind of emotions that

* you may have to deal with down

the tr il

‘in this ridst of fife, we are in

“death,” the old burial service
-admonishes, -yet there is no sub-

ject in our cuiture we deal with

“ as dishonestly as death.

' Violent death has become car-

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toon entertainment in TV and
movies, which exploit the disease
of the week while “real” death is
sanitized, happening off-stage,
usually in medical iustitutions,
Sharon Brown's SOME

BECOME FLOWERS ($14.95,
Harbour Publishing), is not about
disease, it’s about death, specifi-

cally about dealing with the inex-
orable cdlay-by-day process of
dying when the person doing it is
someone you love deeply and
you're determined to help them
to do it at home with their dignity
intact. Added to the unusual
ongoing crisis of family life, this
is a tall order, yet Brown's
account of her mother’s death
from bone cancer is ultimately a
wonderfully life-affirming book
because it's honest.

This is a sad but also beautiful

book about death as a fact of life.

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Wednesday, April 27, 1994 - North’ Shore News - 33

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