28 — Sunday, March 22, 1992 — North Shore News LIFESTYLES No clean slate for manners WHEN MISS Manners undertook the sacred mission of teaching manners to the world, she thought she at least had the advantage of writing on a clean slate. ARDAGH HUNTER TURNER Barristers & Solicitors Personal Injury AFTER HOURS -. FREE INITIAL CONSULTATION Criminal Masters Only [ 986-4366 | 906-9286 #300-1401 LONSDALE, NORTH VANCOUVER, BC. on the saucer of the teacup. Thus it does not belong in a place set- ting ever, unless it is being pressed into service for something that is Nobody seemed to have one. This was not, she allowed, because people were socially disadvantaged or naturally boorish. An amiable society of openhearted folks had just mis- takenly decided that etiquette was false and that totally natural behavior would be desirable. Now that this concept has been in practice for a few decades, the idealists of yesteryear have only too clear an idea of what it is to live with everyone else’s natural behavior. They are — naturally — desperate for some sort of decent adjustment to it. But the ordinary transmission of rules, from one generation to another, was interrupted, and now mistaken ideas abound about what is and is not proper. Here are some of the more popular misconceptions: @ That elbows must never, ever rest on the table. Miss Manners hears that one several times a week, occasionally from people tee-heeing that they have caught the august Miss Manners herself in a ‘‘mistake.”” The mistake is not knowing that the rule specifies that one must never put elbows on the table while engaged in eating; it does not apply to leaning forward on a table between courses or after completing the meal. Perhaps this is one misconcep- tion Miss Manners can’t blame on recent times. Back in 1922, her predecessor Emily Post was satirizing the contortions of peo- ple who held this notion. By now Miss Manners should just be grateful that anyone remembers the rule at all, even if imperfectly. @ That a Sady’s name changes when her husband dies. Nowadays a married lady has a great deal of more or less sociaily condoned choice about how she wishes to style herself — whether she takes her husband’s surname, and, even if she does, whether she does or does not want to be called Mrs. Judith Martin MISS MANNERS with his first name, rather than Ms. with hers. But whatever she has chosen, it does not change in widowhood, no matter how often her friends attack her in her bereavement to tell her otherwise. @ That people who get married have up to a year to thank those who give them presents. No, they do not. Miss Manners gives them about 20 minutes after the arrival of each present; more lenient souls admit the possibility of its taking up to two weeks. The highly rude notion that one can wait a year to express thanks seems to have originated with the correct rule that one can send a wedding present within a year after the marriage. But once sent, it must be acknowledged im- mediately. @ That a proper place setting must include a teaspoon. Presum- ably this mistake comes from silverware manufacturers, who sell the basic place setting as knife, fork and teaspoon, rather than the much more versatile oval spoon of greater size, which can be used for soup, dessert and cereal. The teaspoon being used when tea is served, it is properly placed “THE TIMES. THEY ARE A’ HANGING A BRAND NEW ieuekoon re : AND STEAKS a _ Prepared the only way they sttould be. ; over a perbalderiwvod, flame. + missing — in which case, one would have been better off to buy the larger spoon at the same price. @ That the receipt of any an- nouncement of a birth, graduation or marriage, or an invitation to a ceremony connected with one of these, requires the recipient to send a present. All invitations must be answered, and every social announcement should bring forth a letter of congratulations. But the declining of an invitation need not be accompanied by a present. @ That the number of brides- maids in a wedding must equal the number of groomsmen. Rather, they should number the intimate friends of the bridal couple. @ That bringing a ‘‘hostess gift’” cancels the need to reciprocate an invitation. Such presents are charming but not obligatory — but reciprocating hospitality is obligatory. _ Because: tea 3 Tt’s, More: Responsive! 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