1 — North Shore News RES LIFESTYLES econd thoughts about marriage Q. I am about to marry my fourth wife. We have been living together for several months because we wanted to be sure that this marriage would be the final one for me. We were getting along great until recently. Dr. Ruth Westheimer Something strange is happening with her. She has become obsessed with cieanliness and personal hygiene. For example, she insists now that J shower twice a day, the second time before coming to bed so I won’t “mess up”’ the sheets. And, she says that watching each other perform our personal routines, such as brushing teeth, is taking che mystery out of sex. Is she becoming obsessively clean? Should we have separate bathroams so she never sees me brush may teeth? Or is something deeper. going on here? A. I suspect something deeper is going on here! Mayte she is hav- ing second thoughts about this marriage, -but doesn’t want to admit it to you — or to herself. Anyone who suddenly becomes compulsive about cleanliness probably has another concern. lf a daily shower was good encoagh iast month but it isn't this menth, you are right to wonder why not. Maybe she is’ afraid of becoming Wife No. 4. This is a legitimate worry, Why don’t you see a counsellor together before making another lifetime vow? Q.. | AM feeling increasingly bac -ASK DR. RUTH about my sex fife. I love my husband dearly, but I think we have a serious sex prob- lem. This is my second marriage. Between us we have four kids, two jobs, and more pressure than one sex life can bear. Sometimes when we make love, fe does not ejaculate, so F am sure he cannot be reaching orgasm. 1 am wondering if his Jack of plessure is due to the North Shore Chorus to perform ANYONE CURIOUS about what really happened when St. George met up with the dragon can find out when the North Shore Chorus presents Dragons and Candles, a special Christmas concert Friday and. Saturday at Mount Seymour United Church. The highlight of the evening will be a performance of John Rutter’s The Reluctant Dragon with former CBC-Radio newscaster Stan Peters narrating the story. . There .. will also be Christmas cascls from many lands. _ ~NEW 91 GMC 3/4 TON 4x4 Tickets, available at the door, are $8 for adults and $5 for stu- dents. The concert begins at 8 p.m, On another note, the 50- member North Shore Chorus will be hosting Choirfest '92 at Carson Graham School next May. Choirfest is a weekend of music rehearsal and performance, and this year it will focus on the music of the Pacific Rirn. The 1992 an- nual event features guest conduc- tors Peter McCoppin and Bruce Pullan. “NEW oT GNC extended cab stress in our lives. We have a fairly spasmodic sex life, because the demands of our careers and childcare make it dif- ficult for us to set aside regular time for lovemaking. After sex, if he has not ejaculated, I feel sad and guilty. What can we do about this sit- uation? I want to make him hap- pier in bed. A. A man can have an orgasm without ejaculating. This is called a retrograde ejaculation. I would advise your husband to see a doc- tor for a thorough checkup just to be sure he does not have a physi- cal problem which is inhibiting ejaculation. The pressures you describe would not prevent hint from hav- ing an’ orgasm. They might pre- vent him from having enough energy or interest to initiate sex — but they won’t stop him from reaching orgasm once he has begun lovemaking! Stop feeling guilty. You can’t make any situation better by feel- ing guilty about it. . Q. What would make a woman suddenly Jose interest in sex? My wife has always enjoyed sex as much as I have. In over 20 years of marriage, I have never had a LES PLAISIRS Bye) © DE LANCOME, Eau de Toilette, Natural Spray, 75 mi O DE LANCOME, Perfumec Shower Gel, 150 mi Price: $39.00 1883 Marine Drive WEST VANCOUYER complaint about her enthusiasm in that department until recently. For the past six months, she has not cared if we make love or not. When § ask her if it’s something I'm doing wrong, she says it isn’t. She won’t discuss the problem. in fact, she says there is no problem. ¥ don’t know what to do. How can ! handle a situation which she says isn’t even 2 situation? A. You must insist that she talk to you. Obviously something is very wrong. I can’t guess what it might be from the few facts you have given me in your letter. She might be dissatisfied with you and the marriage. Or she might be unhappy with herself. Perhaps your children have left home; and she suddenly questions her role in life. Or perhaps she is a career woman whose job is no longer as exciting and fulfilling as it once was. So many other fac- tors can affect our sexuality. You must get her to open up to you. If she can’t do it on her own, then get her to a counsellor. You are right in assuming some- thing is wrong when a partner suddenly “loses interest in sex. Bravo to you for recognizing that — and not blaming her! COLONY | FEATURES THE Kitchen TOP RATED CLOTHES WASHER AND DRYER See all the great features of the new KitchenAid quality clothes washers and dryers now on dispiay in our showroom. fidi] COLONY} HOME FURNISHINGS : A 1075 Roosevelt Crescent North Vancouver 4 (2 blocks behind the Avalon Hotel). . SPEN DAILY; Fri. 9-8: Sun. 12-4 985-8738 LANCOME, PARIS Lancéme helps to make the season memorable and dright with two Offer valid at the following store(s): enchanting fragrance gift sets: rae ECLATS MAGIE MAGIE NOIRE, Eau de Toilette, Naturai Spray, 30 mi MAGIE NOIRE. 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