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42 - Wednesday, July 19, 1989 - North Shore News

72 Lirestytes

Communication
works all the time

Q. I disagree with you about never discussing sex while in

the bedroom or in bed with one’s sex partner.

I think this is the right time to
discuss the sexual sharing between
partners. The time fo ask fer a
change of positions, or rapidity, or
for something like stroking the
hair or resting more weight on
elbows aud less on the partner’s
body, er any such shift in tactics
or accompaniments, is during the
act. That is when changes can be
suggested and (ried to best effect.

The best sharing is between
partners who are free and confi-
dent enough with each oiher to
express needs and preferences.

ask
Dr. Ruth

Dr. Ruth Westheimer

Why iry to hammer out an agree-
ment some other time, and then
demand silence on the subject
when making the attempt to find
perfect mzting? So cumbersome. I
would think, if a partner told me
long afterward that a shift in pro-
cedures would be nice, that the
parteer bad been faking pleasure
in bed, which would undermine my

confidence in the actual trans-
action between us.

The way the request is worded is
important. ‘‘Gee, honey, let's try
this...” is obviously better than
“Look, stupid, you’re doing it
wrong.”

A. What can ! say, except that
this is a very intelligent comment
and I do indeed believe that
freedom to communicate during
sex is ideal for good sexual shar-
ing. 1 have said elsewhere that
solemn silence is probably not the
best sound or lack of sound in the
bedroon). Cooing, cries of
pleasure, incidental sounds of con-
tact, giggles, should be welcome.

So why not words? Where the

’ partners have learned how to talk

to each other during sex, words
during sex are a wonderful form of
communication. Spoken language
is potentially beautiful, a specially
human gift. When I said not to
discuss in bed possible improve-
ments in the love-making that a
couple create between them, 1 was
talking about serious disagree-
ments. One partner may have
strong behavior patterns during sex
that cannot be corrected by a lov-
ing hand or a few whispered or
spoken words.

It happens that a devoted lover
may also be stubborn about per-
sisting ir actions or sounds that
really turn the other off. Or a
partner may refuse to do some-
thing thai ihe other wants or needs
very much to reach sexual satisfac-
tion. This kind of disagreement
has to be discussed, and trying to
start this discussion during sex can
have a negative effect.

The couple who have reached
such understanding that they
communicate freely during sex
probably do not need heavy
discussion of sexual difficultics.

Discover petroglyphs

From page 41
tour-goers at Horseshoe Bay and

escort them to a number of
petroglyph sites in the Gulf
Islands.

The party wiil spend the day
travelling to the various sites by
chartered bus, learning about ihe
native art forms and taking rubb-

ings.

Nofihere

a

WIN °25,000
ASK YOUR SALESMAN FOR DETAILS
_ 1989 MAZDA 323.

MINIMUM DISCOUNT

from

3000 EXCLUDING BASE MODEL

The tour will meet early in the
morning at Horseshoe, Bay and
return that evening by 7 p.m. For
more information about the UBC
tour, cali 222-5237.

Gabriola: Petroglyph Island,
published ty Sono Nis Press in
Victosia, is gvailable at the UBC
Museum of Anthropology and at
some local bookstores.

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