66 - Wednesday, December 14, 1988 - North Shore News

LIFESTYLES

ATTRACTIVE LADY COMES ON TOO STRONG

Greet the caro/

How does a nice guy Ships in
say no to advances?

Q. HOW does a guy say no
to an attractive young lady
who is making strong sexual
advances to him?

A. This can be difficult, I real-
ize, and I say nothing about ‘‘you
poor guy you’’ or ask if it is a
friend you are talking about who
has this embarrassing problem.
Here are a couple of ideas to hold
in your head for the next time this
happens to you, though, of course,
we both hope it never does.

When a sexy young woman
decides you are hers, have it in
your head that she will survive
your saying no. Like rubber balls
and babies, she has a strong
tendency to survive —- especially
when she is so aggressive or asser-
tive or whatever it is called today.

Also, think of yourself as a su-
premely attractive male, a regular
Redford, Newman or Gable, who
gets so many approaches that they
are truly boring to him and who
has hardened his heart about leav-
ing a throng of women yearning
for him in his wake.

Think of yourself as such an at-
tractive man that you don’t have
to take every sexual tidbit offered
to you, but can choose some
special female who seems worth
going after, or who prefers the
special woman who shares your
apartment and your life.

In short, don’t act like a jerk

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who has never had an offer before.

Q. What should two non-ag-
gressive people do when they want
to have sex?

A. Do these two people know
each other? For instance, are they
married to each other or what?
Suppose that they are companions
and want to have sex but each one
is tao nice to ask the other.
Perhaps they should devise a pro-
gram. Dinner, some dancing, a
walk home holding hands and
stopping to kiss each other occa-

Dr. Ruth

Ruth Westheimer

sionally, then going to bed
together and cuddling. Something
would seem likely to happen.

One couple told me the follow-
ing story: They went around a lot
and liked each other and wanted to
have sex. However, neither one
knew how to start. Then they saw
the movie Brief Encounter, the old
1945 version. They felt so sad that
the lovers could not have each
other, but they realized that they
themselves had each other to make
up for it. They turned out to be a
really sexy couple. Unlike the cou-
ple in the movie, they had a happy
ending and got married.

Q@. & have met a man who is
charming and czring and wants to
move in or marry me, whichever I
want. We are both senior citizens.
The problem is that he definitely
thinks sex is sn important ingre-
dient in 2 relationship, and I think
compatibility and other factors

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outweigh it. .

A. Compatibility you have, if
you find him charming and caring.
His other factors you don't
specify. So it comes down to his
wanting more sex than you do or
having it on his mind more than
you do, This is an important issue
and you should have -an
understanding about it before
either marrying him or letting him
move in.

If you really like him and find
him to be a good companion day-
in, day-out, and he waits sex more
often than you do, this is less
troublesome than another possidil-
ity I have in mind. The two of you
can agree to having sex fairly often
but not always with you par-
ticipating fully. I mean that you do
not need to be fully aroused to give
him pleasure or release. You do
not have to come to a sexual
climax every time. Many couples
have agreed on that.

Q. Both of us are so exhausted
from work that we fall asleep when
we hit the pillow. What shall we do
about sex?

A. People have a way of putting
certain things off until the end of
an energy-burning day. Things put
off until you are ready to fall
asleep are not done well or even
done at all. Two things that come
to mind are homework (in the lives
of young people) and marital sex
(ia the lives of adults).

Maybe this comes from regar-
ding dessert as the thing saved up
to the last or of overemphasizing
all the things that ‘‘must’’ be done
in a day, after which there are two
minutes to do what you want most
— to have sex.

Try to plan your planned sex for
times when your energy level is up.
Early in the morning, or after an
early evening nap, for example.
Unplanned sex is, of course, for
when the mood hits you. Which
means when you allow it to.

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WEST VANCOUVER will greet
the carol ships with fun and flare
on Sunday, Dec. 18.

Starting at 7:30 p.m., there will
be carolers, cocoa, candy canes
and more at Ambleside Park.
Members of the public can warm
up by the fires, enjoy music by
local bands and await Santa’s
special visit.

They can take a stroll down the
candle-lit seawalk to Dundarave
where, starting at 8:30 p.m.,

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carolers will welcome the ships for
their final night at sea. Partici-
pants can bring their flashlights
and join in carolling for an Ignite
the Nite salute.

The events are co-sponsored by
the West Vancouver Parks and
Recreation Department,
Ambleside/Tiddlycove Lions Club,
West Vancouver Chamber of
Commerce and the Dundarave
Merchants Association.

Canada’s Leading Brass Merchants

STOCK LIQUIDATION SALE

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BRASS

Fireplace Accessories
Christmas Tree Ornaments
Umbrella Stand

Lamps

Planters

Candlesticks

& much. much more

The Community
Spirit Sings
When the Carol Ships arrive at
Waterfront Park. Thursday, Dec. 15

Bune the family to Waterfront Park at 7:00
p-m. and join in an evening of singing and
celebration as the community joins together to
aid the less fortumate. Donations of non-
perishable goods will be accepted for the North
Shore Christmas bureau.

Carol sheets will be provided so that everyone
can join in the true spirit of Christmas with this
festival of light and sound. Dress warm and
bring a flashlight because this event will go on,
rain or shine. Have some fun and join in the

community spirit.

Sponsored by the City and District of North
Vancouver and the North Shore News.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 15TH
7:00 P.M. TO 8:00 P.M.

THE VOICE OF NROBTH AND WEST VANCOUVER