34 - Wednesday, September 21, 1988 - North Shore News WS sans YOU G better than this sailor Q. 1 AM an attractive 25-year-old woman and have been living with my man for nine months. The Navy is transferring him to a distant base. He says he loves me and has made arrangements for me to join him there. I want to be with him, too, and want to travel, but I really want to marry him. When I talk about that he thinks I’m being pushy. Should I go? A. No. Get really pushy and give him a shove on his way. When he thinks you are pushy for wanting to marry him, then you don’t want to go with him — you don’t even want to marry him ~~ because for- ever after he would say you pushed him into it. For travel and sights, save up for a cruise and look at more mar- rying kinds of men. Twenty-five and attractive can find lots of guys who think marriage would be ter- rific. Well, that’s my first advice. I have this sinking feeling that you will follow your heart instead and go to that distant base. In that case, at least have “mad money’’ for coming home or a plan for finding employment out there. Don’t land on the beach totally dependent on this sailor who thinks you have the nerve to want a ring. If he shows a change of heart and begs you to marry him. then think over the pros and cons. Not before. Q. I read an article that suid men who have been at highest risk of being exposed to HIV (the AIDS virus) aré also the least likely to be using condoms. How come? A. The same guy who is unin- formed and reckless about being exposed is also irresponsible about spreading the virus. Did you read the same article | read? It said that just asking a man if he has been exposed to AIDS is useless because men who want to have sex will often lie to get it. These are the most common lies a man will tell in persuading a woman to have sex, according to the article: He loves her more than he really does; he has no other sex partners; he has had fewer sex partners in tie past than he really has had. Many women reading this will be amazed that any man can get away with this kind of lying, since they are too smart for that and want to see a document signed by a doctor declaring the man free of infection. But a letter from a doc- tor can be faked or updated to yesterday instead of six months ago, so women are urged to de- mand safer sex practices except with a reliable long-term husband or partner. Q. We have a good relationship but whenever my boyfriend men- tions aa old girlfriend I become so jealous that I start to feel nause- ated. The thought of his having sex with other girls disgusts me. Why do I have this extreme feeling? 1 am sure other women don’t. How can I overcome this feeling? A. Who knows why you have such strong feelings? The point is, +syou dog they are your feelings, and you have them when he mentions the old girlfriends. Tell him how you react and that you wish he would cut out the happy chatter about past passions. He should be able to please you in this littl matter, since you have such a nice relationship. If he forgets sometimes and starts to reminisce, have a signal to check it. Like a ‘Grrr’ sound or a code like ‘‘Where’s my barf bag? I feel nauseated.”’ Tell him, ‘‘We have a good thing going, | love you, and I can handle the fact that you knew girls before me. But I want this con- Dr. Ruth Ruth Westheimer sideration: that you don’t talk to me about them. I have to feel that I am special to you, that what we have is special and I am not using the same rooms, furniture, mirror and boyfriend as all those bygone girls. I don’t need them haunting our relationship; I don’t need the thought that [ will be joining them pretty soon. And you'll be telling the next one about me. OK!” Q. My boyfriend and I really love each other and we have decid- ed to have sex. The problem is that Vm paranoid. I'm afraid I'll get pregnant. We plan to use condoms, Hf he wears more than one condom would we be pretected more? _ yr “2 i ~ KA (ye ‘ SE A. It is by no means paranoid to be afraid of getting pregnant. It means that you and he are rot ready to deal with anything like that. Iam sorry, but the idea of his wearing more than one condom is a joke. How many do you have in mind? Instead, get professional advice on contraception and on the best and most reassuring and reliable method for you. In the meantime, definitely don’t try to have intercourse, because in your frame of mind it will not be enjoyable sex. Teli your boyfriend you have to put off intercourse until you feel absolutely reassured and ready — maybe in a situation where getting pregnant would not be disastrous, like marriage. You and he can go on enjoying each other, hugging and Kissing and being close in ways that will not possibly lead to pregnancy. Q. In your answer to an &0- year-old man who had an erectile problem, you told him to avoid devices that restrict the circufation of biood. I have been using such a device for several years without noticeable bad effects. A. This is possible, of course, and I hope you stop using it right away and never notice any bad ef- fects. I know people who have smoked cigarettes for 50 years and have no cancer and people who drink too much and have never had an accident, lost a job or developed cirrhosis. There are people who have shared sex recklessly and have never got pregnant or caught a disease. But I know it can still catch up with them, and I will never tell anyone to do something known to be so foolishly dangerous. Using a sex aid that works as a tourniquet can damage blood vessels and cause serious problems. For your own sake, find another way. fe Miss Jacqui Giffen will demonstrate cottage painting at the Coach House. Fri., Sept. 23. 10 am-12 noon 1:30-4 pm; Sat., Sept. 24 10 am-1 pm; 6:30-8 pm 2:30-5 pm COACH BOUSE ARTS & GIFTS LTD. PARK ROYAL SOUTH 922-9544 eee DR. TERRY McKAY announces the opening of his Practice of Family Dentistry at #204-1590 Bellevue Ave. West Vancouver Appointments Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday 922-5544 FIND FREEDOM FROM ARTHRITIC PAIN Arthritis: “| had this painful joint disease in my hip, lower back, shoulder and elbow. Six weeks after taking a complete program of Shaklee nutrients | felt more active, ambitious and relleved that the joint pain was gone.” Mark Amyotte, 1988 White Rock MEET THE AUTHOR: DR. JAMES SCALA SPEAKING IN VANCOUVER FRIDAY, SEPT. 23 — 8:00 P.M. 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