“IE CAN rely on them as blood
family. If 1 was in trouble | could
go to them. I was sick two years
#go and Nora took me to the doc-
tor and the hospital. When ! came
out she tovk me to her home to
nurse me and look after me. I
don’t know what I would do
without them.”

Eighty-seven-year-old Happy
Howe is describing her ties for her
“family of choice’? — a family
form that, up until recently, has
received: little attention from social
scientists.

An orphan from England who
lost her parents in the First World
War, Happy Howe was breught
to Canada in 1915. She lived on
farms with different families in
Ontario, but she never felt as if
she belonged with therm. It was
not until she was a senior living in
British Columbia that she devel-
oped a close relationship with
Lloyd and Nora Haberlin. To
Happy, they are her kin.

Happy's special bond to the
Haberlins raises the question,
‘what is family??? To many peo-
ple a family could never be any-
thing except traditional relation-
ships bound by blood and mar-
riage.

According to Audrey Davis, a
Continuing Care Social Worker
with the Vancouver Health
Depavtment, there are many dif-
ferent kinds of ‘‘families of
choice.”* ‘*lt is a very wide defini-
tion, more a matter of opinion. It
can be that peuple act in a family
capacity and are considered to be
a ‘significant other.’ The ‘family
of choice’ serves the functions of
blocd relatives and takes on some
of the roles of the family.”’

Gloria Levi, co-author of Deal-
ing with Memory Changes as You
Grow Older, observes that today
“people are making their own
families more and more. It is go-
ing to be a more common phe-
nomenon and we should look at
the dynamics between people who
choose each other as family.”

Agnes Dafoe, an 80-year-old
widew from Crescent Beach, grew
away from her family after she
married. She is an active volunteer
with a senior’s network and has

leveloped some very close friend-
- ships, but she stops short of call-
ing them her family. ‘‘i’m a bit
on the reserved side... my friends
are almost like brothers and
sisters.” Indeed, Agnes has devel-
oped a mutual support system
with her friends, one that striking-
ly resembles a traditional family
relationship.

“Now I have started taxing a
friend to hospital for treatment...
there has been a certain coolness
between her and her daughter
lately and I was called in... as the
years g0 on I also depend more on
my friends.’*

The positive benefits of this
kind of relationship for seniors
are enormous, observes Gloria
Levi. **There are many peopie
who have a wonderful mutuality
in terms of support and under-
standing, being non-judgmental,
having common interests and con-
cerns. The depth of intimacy and
confidentiality is very deep and
very strong.”’

Sixty-five-year-old| Annie Smit
(not her real name) is a Dutch-
born artist living in| Vancouver.
She emigrated to Canada in her
forties and lives on her own with
two cats. ‘‘l never knew my own
family — my sister was 14 years
older than myself... 1 didn’t meet
her daughters until they were
grown up... they are in Holland.”’
In place of her Dutch relatives,
Annie thinks of the group of
friends she has made here as fami-
ly. ‘... a young man in his forties
[regard as a son. My neighbor —
a young woman — I think of asa
daughter and another friend as a
sister,”*

Whether an individual should
be identified as ‘‘family of
choice’’ or simply a good friend
can be confusing. But, says Levi,
“The main thing about ‘families

of choice’ is that there are no
hard and fast lines. It is really
what people subjectively say they
are that counts. It is not up to the
outsider to define a relationship.
Usually the differentiation isn't
just the emotional warmth and in-
timacy, but how far will the sense
of obligation extend?”’

Some people in ‘families of
choice’? do perccive limitations to
the relationship. Annie Smit,
despite her warm fcelings towards
her ‘family of choice’' says she
does not expect her friends to care
for her physical needs as she ages.
“IT hope I will be healthy, i'd
never want to be a burden to
them.”’ As time goes on, Annie
finds herself longing for her bio-
logical family. ‘‘When I went

OM

Elections
ae Columbis gy

on

back to Holland for a visit, | ceal-
ized family tes are superior...
more valuable than friends. I've
never regreited not marrying or
not having children, but now |
would like to have some family.
I's a Jack in my life. f felt very
close to my nieces on the visit."
Another issue that can arise
with **families of choice’’ is legal
Standing. Annie Smit’s am-
bivalence about considering her
circle of friends as family is
reflected in the fact that she has
given them no legal status in her
life. Happy Howe, on the other
hand has made legal provisions in
order that Lloyd and Nora be
recognized as her next-of-kin. ‘1
have put in my wil} that if any-
thing happens to me they can have

WEST VANCOUVER-GARIBALDI

Wednesday, September 25, 1991 - North Shore News - 23

Families of choice can make vital difference

all my worldly goods.”

Over the next four decades, the
traditional family muy be less able
to look after its older members,
Geographical distance between
family menibers, as well as an ag-
ing population, may encourage us
to expand the definition of family.
“Decreased fertility and longer
life expectancy have increased the
proportion of older individuals
who do not have working-age
children, typically the best source
of support’® says Dr. Ingrid Con-
nidis, Associate Professor of So-
ciology at the University of
Western Ontario.

There are still many questions
to be answered about the future
of the ‘family of choice.*’ Gloria
Levi feels it is essential that

seniors explore the subject openly
as options for their own lives.
“There are some people who do
hot have blood-related kin avail-
able. The ‘family of choice’ really
does answer a need. !t can provide
love, trust and responsibility over
an extended period of time.”’

For Happy Howe, her ‘family
of choice’? has made a vital dif-
ference to her life. ‘‘) have a
wonderful relationship... they take
me home to their place for a few
days. I have to phone her every
morning to let her know I am
o.k.... they are sure good to me
and I love them dearly.’

—By Margaret Davidson and
Maria LeRose (B.C. Council for
the famify).

Electoral District

PUBLIC NOTICE is hereby given to the voters of the above Electoral District
that in obedience to Her Majesty's Writ, I require the presence of voters for the

purpose of nominating and electing a person to represent them in the

Legislative Assembly of this Province.

NOMINATED CANDIDATES WILL BE ANNOUNCED BY ME AT:

@ 25 registered voters in an electoral district having fewer than 10,000

ADDRESS:

2477 BELLEVUE AVE.

WEST VANCOUVER, B.C.

DATE OF NOMINATION:

FRIDAY, CCTOBER 4, 1991

THE MODE OF NOMINATION OF CANDIDATES:
The candidates shall be nominated in writing by:

registered voters.
© 50 registered voters in an electoral district having 10,000 or more registered

voters.

Verified nominations shall be delivered to the Returning Officer between the
posting of this Proclamation and 1 p.m. on the day of Nomination.

IF A POLL IS GRANTED:

POLLING DAY WILL BE

| THURSDAY, OCTOBER 17, 1991

ADVANCE POLL WILL BE

DAYS:

OCTOBER 9, 10, 11, 12

1PM. (0 9 PM.

SEPTEMBER 23, 1991

a LA
RETURNING OROER )

Chet Electoral Ofticer
ef Province of
British Columbia