_ Ermler,

4) - Sunday, March 3, 1985 - North Shore News

Marriage etiquette

When wedding plans get out of han

your opinion of the ever increasing number

D EAR MISS MANNERS — Please give

of brides who plan a wedding far out
of the price range they and their families can afford,
and. then divide the costs with the groom, even
thovgh he and his family have not been consulted
on the amount to be spent’

It seems to be the going

' thing for the bride to have

more atiendants than the sanc-
tuary can accommodate, and
more guests than the church
can seat. The groom must
have as many attendants as the
bride, so that each young lady
will have an escort in the pro-
cessional. The crowded sanc-
tuary is anything but

. beautiful.

Where does it end?
We dare not balk, as there

‘EUGENE ONEGIN”,
Vancouver Opera’s third
production of the 1984-85
season, opens Saturday
March 9, and’ continues
Tuesday, March 12, Thurs-

day, March 14 and Satur- ©

day, March 16, at 8 p.m. in
the Queen Elizabeth Theatre
and is sung in English.

The distinguished Mark
direct from the
Bolshoi Opera, conducts and
John Eaton stage directs this
critically “acclaimed . Andrei
Serban production. -

British. soprano Joan

~ Rodgers: makes her North

American. debut as ‘‘Ta-
tyana’’. With Miss Rodgers
are. Canadian. singers

‘Richard Margison as Lenski,

Mark Pedrotti, as. Onegin,
Don Garrard’ as :Gremin,.

‘Audrey Glass as Filippevna,

Phyllis. Mailing as Larina,
Daphne Elwickas Olga, Ber-

nard Fitch as Triauet and

) Aspen
Salad Bowl

small place the couple can af-

ford, rather than something .

nicer than the parents can af-
ford after 25 or 30 years of
marriage?

Are we the only ones who
resent this taken-for-granted
breach of etiquette?

miss manners
HRA

by Judith Martin

are enough adjustinents to
make in a new marriage
without having in-laws at odds
over the wedding costs. Bul it
seems tacky, to say the least.

Could we not go back to
weddings the bride anc her
family can afford, rehearsal
dinners the groom’s family
can afford, wedding trips the
couple can afford (with a
helpful check from the
groom's parents, if possible),

‘and starting out together in a

Derek Del Puppo as Zaret-
ski.
_ Tickets are $16, $22, $29,

THE
VANCOUVER
WALDORE
SCHOOL

2260 Philip Ave. North Van

While stock lasts!

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Keeper

we, cane - MP

The. another step in a ar a of money
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GENTLE READER —
Resenting this will not help
you much, if you refuse to do
anything about it.

Miss Manners has even bet-
ter reason than you to deplore
the practice of holding wed-
dings that are totally out of
keeping with the way of life of

" the participants. Many a bit-

ter battle of etiquette that she
is called in to arbitrate results
from the panic people feel
when attempting to practice

Eugene. Onegin VOA's next

$36 and $42 and are
available at VTC/CBO
outlets.

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Kindergarten Open
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Sth 7-9 p.m.

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totally unfamiliar customs.
The happiest weddings are
those which are heightened
versions of ‘he most formal
entertaining done by the hosts,
not once-in-a-lifetime extra-
vaganzas based on standards
that their daydreams dictate
— or interested professionals
succeed in selling them.

However, Miss Manners is
far from advising the parents
of a bridegroom to criticize
decisions made by his future
parents-in-law. Etiquette
makes them the hosts of the
wedding, a privilege that inci-
dentally does not include sub-
contracting any of these
privileges, even that of bill
paying, to the bridegroom’s
parents.

But you may certainly air
your views, and your decision
to deciine sharing tasks, to
your son. The parent-child tie
is one that admits such free-
dom. So is the tie. of an
engagement, so while your son
may not criticize his fiancee’s

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parents’ plans, he would be
remiss if he did not convey to
her his own reservations. And
she has, with the hosts of the

wedding, that parent-child -

bond, so she is in the ideal

position to explain ty her very
own mother and father that
their -plans would tipset her
very own fiance, whose very
own family does things's ‘some-
what dif! ferently. ©

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