30 ~ Wednesday, June 2, 1999 — North Shore News

What's your
look for summer?

ie now for.a Lancéme .
~ makeover

= Te June ord, tpi Spm

north shore news

Unclench your cheeks
and smile: life’s a gas

SHE’S frightfully
proper. British, articu-
late, immaculately
groomed.

She’s cultured, you can
tell. Why I even heard her
mention the opera while we
were playing a rom. d of golf
the other dav. I've never
heard her utter a vulgar
phrase or curse, not even
when she’s blown her shot
completely.

And yet, as she set up to
hit her drive from the ladies’
tee box on the 14th hole the
other day she tet rip a-high
pitched squealer of a fart,
turned matter of factly to her
astonished playing partners
and said in her thoroughly
‘upper crust British accent,
“Oh my goodness, who shot
the bunny?”

I can tell you that within
a second we were all doubled
over with laughter, shrieking
and weeping with delight ar
her marvelous description of
this most humorous digestive
event.

And that is what a fart is,
plain and simple. Flatulence

is perfectly natural and some- .

thing that everyone (includ-_,
ing the Queen of England)
experiences on a daily basis.
In fact, the average person
"produces benveen 400 and
1,200 cc of flatus per day,
releasing it in approximately
13 episodes. Now that may
stem like a lot to some of

you. But when you compare
that to animals whose diets
are totally plant material it’s
nothing. Cows produce
between 300,000 and
600,000 cc of gas per day,
and ‘elephants (poised secure-
lv at the top of the fart
world) produce flatulence in
the millions of cc per day.
Flatulence can be caused
by swallowing air, but itis ‘
also generated by intestinal

bacteria that produce carbon:

dioxide and hydrogen (both
odourless) in the course of

breaking down carbohydrates -

and proteins in the food we
eat. What actually makes fla-
tus (more commonly known
as farts) smell so bad are
minute quantities of other,

more pungent gases involved :

in digestion.

Too bad about the smell,
because otherwise, breaking
wind would probably bea
socially acceptable, perhaps.
even publicly desirable event.
After.all, who can keep a
straight face when they hear
a fart? What better tension

breaker or conversation
starter?

Sadly, even in our today’s
modern world, there are
those who would keep these
simple and sometimes hilari-
ous-sounding body emissions
stifled. And that can’t be

good for anyone.

As the famous Greek
Hippocrates said in 420
B.C., “It is best for flatulence
to pass without noise and .
breaking, though it is better
for it to pass with noise chan
to be intercepted and accu-
mulated internally.”

It is especially difficule for
us to control our flatulence
when proponents of healthy
eating are telling us to
increase our dietary fibre.

High roughage diets
cause gas. Certain toads, like
peas, beans and some grains
produce noticeably more gas

’ than other foods. Likewise, *

the more apples, broccoli, ° ~’
bran and raisins you cat, the-
more gas you're bound to
produce. .
In addition, anything't that
speeds food through the :
digestive system, like excite:,.
ment, stress, worry, and ten -,
sion, will create undigested »
food material reaching the
colon, creating a feast for ~

. bacteria, and consequently: -

more farts.
Not only that, research
has shown that as our intesti- :

See Age page 31

Join the team!
~The Beaver Promise... eee
To love God and belp take care of the world...

A) SY,

. SCOUTS CANADA’.
AGE GROUPS :

Gite Beavers. :.. BT.

Cubs..:.2.../81
Scouts......11-
Adventurers . 14-17.
Rovers 17+ up.

But we also experience the outdoors,
_ diay games and have a lot of. Junt

“For more information call:

Seymour District

929-2722

Capilano District
987-4939

West Vancouver”
921-8948: =

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