40 - Wednesday, January 30, 1991 ~ North Shore News

Men don’t usually marry for sex anymore

Q. I WANT a relationship
with the man Em seeing,
but he only wants sex.

We are both in our 30s and aei-
ther of us has ever been married,
though we've each had numerous
involvements. I don't understand
why he isn’t ready to settle down
at this point, and I am confused
as to how I should handle the sex
situation,

We are great together in bed. I
was hoping he would realize that
two people who are so good in
bed would be as good as fife
partners, but he hasn‘t.

Should I stop having sex with
him so he'll give in to my desire
for a real relationship? Or shouid
1 keep having sex with him,
gambling that soon he will want
me outside the bedroom as well as
inside it? Don’t men really marry
for sex?

A. Not necessarily! Maybe they
did when there was no other way
of getting sex, but that isn’t the
case today.

If you don’t have sex with him,
will he be forced into a celibate
existence? Or will he find another
lover? I don’t think you can use
sex to get him to do what you
want.

So, my advice to you is have
sex with him if you enjoy the sex
— or don’t have sex with him if
your desire for something else is
diminishing the pleasure you find
in making love.

Forget about trying to manipu-
late him. What do you want? He
may never be ready to settle down
with you or anyone else.

Q. My wife and I have been
married for six years. Mostly, we
are happy. We had sex almost
every day for the first two years
of our mariage.

Frankly, I would like to have
sex that often now, but we don’t.
Ywice a week is enough for her.

Unfortunately, in recent morths
I have developed a problem with
premature ejaculation. Neither of
us is very lappy about this, and

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we don’t understand why
happening now.

i thought premature ejaculation
was something that didn't just
suddenly develop. What could be
causing it? 1 am wondering if it’s
simply that I don’t get enough
sex.

A. A man can develop
premature ejaculation at any point
In life.

Yes, it is possible that your
premature ejaculation could be
connected to the diminished sexual
activity in your marriage.

Maybe you are subconsciously
angry at your wife for not wan-
ting sex as often as you do. And
maybe when you do have sex, you
are so anxious for release, you
don’t take time to enjoy lovemak-
ing.

Do you masturbate? Masturba-
tion is certainly a good solution
when one partner wants sex far
more often than the other.

it's

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Q. Is there something wrong
with a woman who experivnces a
reawakening of sexual desire in
her later years?

1am 78 and my husband is 75.
Our sex life has always been good,
but he’s been the more avid of the
two of us.

For the past year, I have been
more interested in sex than he has.
This does not bother him. In fact,
it delights him to hold me while !
pleasure myself.

Lam not sure why we are ex-
periencing this turnaround so late
in life, but we are. My only con-
cern is whether it denotes a prob-
lem in me or not. Have you heard
of anything like this?

My women friends tell me they
are finished with sex and glad that
they are. Not me! Should { be
concerned?

A. You should absolutely not
be concerned! Couples can experi-
ence varying levels of desire at any

Sane ane mete et

point in life. It is wonderful that
you are enjoying sex so much and
that your husband takes such
delight in your pleasure. Enjoy
and do not worry!

If you could read my mail, you
would know that many older peo-
ple are enjoying rich sex lives —
and many more wish they were.

Your women friends may not be
telling the truth about their sex
lives or their ‘‘glad’’ feelings.

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