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woman he worked with.

She eased him.and dropped him,
the damage to our relationship
having been done.

Now we are together again and
trying te get back where we were. I
stii’ have angry feelings but have
made an appo'ntmect with a ther-
aptst about that. However, I do
want him to talk to me about his
affair with that woman because I
want to understand how she could
get him away from me. -

I forgive him aad want him back
bat I want to expunge my burt,
puzziement and anger, and I want
bim tu enderstand how hurt I have
been. He bas been very affec-
tionate end attentive, and we enjoy
sex'as much £3 before. Even xo, be
does not really understand my feel-
ings about what happened.

A. Your wanting to know more
about -his affair with that rival: is
natural enough. Perhaps this natu-
ral wanting to know — I won’t say
curiosity! — cannot be completely.
satisfied, but you can at least tell
him’ .your feelings and let him
know that you need help under-
standing. what has happened and
also reassurance that he does love
you and has learned a hard lesson
from that woman.

Do tell him that. once this
puzzlement and hurt of yours has

Q. MY BOYFRIEND. and I had a wonderfal relationship
for a year. He had never been intimate with s woman before
me. Then we broke up because he got involved with a

been dealt with, you are net going
to keep bringing the matter up.
And live up to that. If you forgive,
forgive. And drop the subject. It
happens often that a young person
like your boyfriend thinks life is
incomplete or something has been
missed if he has had no other sex-
ual partner but the one he settles
down with. This can lead to sad
mistakes. It makes the young per-
son vulnerable to a seductive in-
terloper. This does not excuse
weak or foolish behavior, but it
can help explain it.

Q. My 19-year-old girlfriend
recently began the pill. How
safe and effective is it?, Should I
contince to use a condom to fur-
ther insase the prevention of

but. she’ Ss still hurting |

pregnancy? There is no STD
danger; we were virgins when we
met and we are completely faithful

to each other.

ask
Dr. Ruth

Ruth Westheimer

contraceptive method.
cian,
that she has no special reaction to

the pill prescribed,
considered safe for her.

- I used to- warn against the

dangers of the pill, but lately these
products have been much refined
and made safer. If you are abso-
lutely sure that neither ycu nor
your girlfriend has been exposed to
any sexually transmitted disease,

the condom is not necessary when’

the pill is being taken conscien-
tiously. In this era, some couples
like you, do use a condom to allay
fears, maybe irrational ones, or

A. The pill is the most reliable
If used
under the supervision of a physi-
who monitors your
girlfriend’s genezal health to see

it should be

being infected with AIDS or
another STD.

Q. Please recommend a book
my fiance and I could read about
sex. He was married to a very
straight-laced woman for 25 years
and I wes manied 35 years but
orgasms were uot on our minds.

_A. Congratulations on finding ”

each other! ‘‘The Joy of Sex’’ by
Alex Comfort, published by Simon
and Schuster, is wonderful. The ti-
tle alone is a lesson, that sex is an
approved joy to be shared happily
by loving couples. And what this
bock has inside its covers is in-
valuable. .
Aliso, let me exhibit justifiable
pride in my own book, ‘‘Sex for
Married Lovers,’’ by me, Dr. Ruth
Westheimer, published Sy Warner
Bocks. These would be good
books tc start with, but from time
to time each of you should Jook at
others. No two books tell all.

Q. If the male who accepts fie

money for sexual favors is called 2
gigolo, what is the name given to 2 -
woman who pays for them? :

A. If anybody is called a gigolo
it must be 1915 or so, -not 1989.
The word has not been much used
lately. I don’t know what: the ..
woman who employs gigolos or
studs and pays in cash ‘is called. I -
am only a sex therapist and this
term was not taught in sex thera-
pist school. OK? Maybe some
reader knows the right term and
will let us know.

_$t. John Ambulance to hold instructors’ workshop

ST. JOHN ‘Ambulance will hold
an instructors’ workshop for those
who would like to become volun-
teer instructors and conduct
Healthy Aging programs in the
Lower Mainland..

.. Ie’s an opportunity for actively
- working or. retired nurses,

physiotherapists, doctors or social
workers to get involved in a highly
rewarding volunteer activity with
seniors in their own communities.
It is especially well exited for those
who are seeking involvement with
people, am opportunity to share
their knowledge and who welcome
the challenge of learning.

. ELNA’S SUPER BUYS FOR THE P.N. E.

Once. -you have tried an
ElnaPress you will never
‘want to_use a hand iron

again. Offer goed to

Monday; September 4.
CALL Now § 986-1 341

742 WESTVIEW cares NORTH vai

ees

The instructors’ workshop will
be held at the St. John Am-
bulance, at 6111 Cambie St., Van-
couver, on September 21 and 22.
The cost is $10 per person.

SAVE

‘

Model UD 25000/Convertible

REBATE $45.00

: COLONY

For further information call
Kate Insley, provincial co-or-
dinator, Health and Retirement
Prograrns, St. John Ambulance, at
321-2651 or 1-800-972-8253. ..

The Best Is Now Better!
UP TO *100° -

ON INGLIS, NOW AT COLONY

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blocks behind the Avalon Hotel)

a “Disc BRAKE