|\Doug Collins

@ get this straight ®

MY EVE-of-Christmas column having provided the saga
of the one-eyed trouser snake, I continue in light mood so
that you can read bits out between taking bites of turkey.
And I swear I am making nothing up.

In London, England, a
customs man became thoughtful
a couple of weeks ago when he
saw 4 bulge in Rosario Tropea’s
pants. Rosario dropped the pants
on demand, but kept a tight grip
on his underpants, in which the
bulge still loomed.

The customs fellow reached in-
side and came up with a snake.
“It's my pet and I wanted to
keep it warm,’’ said Rosario,
who hailed from Italy.

The reptile was a six-week-old, -
sand boa, and Rosario said that |

on the flight over he had to keep
going to the toilet to curl his
snake up, as it was uncomfort-
able for him at times. The
heartless British authorities fined
the Italian for snake-smuggl-
ing....

“In Iran, the
Ayatollah Khomeini
and friends recently
celebrated Death to
America Day. But
there’s hope. Foreign
doctors have arrived
to treat the crazy old
bastard. Did they
take the right pills
with them?’’

: oA. girl named Val Oglov has
been awarded an SFU ‘graduate
fellowship ‘for “thigh academic
:achievement. *? “The approving
Pnotice.. in- the North Shore
“Women’s Centre newsletter read:
. “Val is completing her Master
of ‘Arts. degree in” Women’s
“Studies and her thesis topic is
pomography and the origins of
“male hatred and. anger towards
women. - Congrats again, Val,
“we're proud of you!!!’ .

’ Thought you’d like to know
what.they’re doing in the univer-
sities these days...:

In Iran, the Ayatollah Kho-
‘meini and friends recently cele-
‘brated Death To America Day.
But there’s hope. Foreign doctors
have arrived to treat the crazy old
bastard. Did they take the right
pills with them?

Peter Jacob; a gent dumped by
the Employment and Immigra-
‘tion Commission because he was
a-drunk, has filed a complaint
with the human rights mob in
‘Ottawa. .Once the. director of
Labor Market Programs in Van-
‘couver, he says he was
discriminated against on account
‘of his “‘disability’? and now

wants his job back. Betcha he
gets it....

In Greater London, the Loony
Left Haringey Council is adver-
tising for queers and other
strange bedfellows to join the city
hall staff at big salaries.

“We pesitively welcome ap-
plications from members cf our
Black and Minority Ethnic com-
munities, from women with
disabilities, and Lesbians and
Gays.’’ Former jailbirds are also
welcome....

Not to be outdone, a Toronto
arbitration panel says Humber
College must provide paid
religious holidays to a witch.
Charles Arnold had complained
that his rights were being denied
him because he couldn’t take
time off to go away ona
broomhandle or something for
two high holidays in Wicca.

‘*Wicca is obviously a
religion,’’ said arbitrator Ken-
neth Swan.

His Dottiness Nelson Riis the
NDPer says Louis Riel, the mad
half-breed who rightly swung for
revolting against the Crown and
killing people, must be ‘“rehabili-
tated’’ and pardoned.

“Here was a man whom the

politicians of the day failed to
understand and here is a chance
to set the ‘matter straight,
declared Piis....

A bonquet for Colin Robert-
son of the Department of Exter-
nal Affairs, who damned affir-
mative action. Robertson wrote
that it favors women and
minorites for jobs just because
they are women and minorities.
He also called the process ‘‘crass
politics of a sexual-spoils system
that flies in the face of individual
merit.’’

This caused libber Michele
Landsberg to break out in spots.
Landsberg is wife to our great
socialist ambassador at the UN
and should properly be called
Mrs. Stephen Lewis and write a
column for. the silly Globe &
Mail.

She also waved her brolly
against Robertson’s other sensi-
bl- comment, which was, ‘‘Most
Susts are very canny fellows,
highly intelligent, shrewd and
capable.”’ That was racism, she
said.....

In Vancouver, the Evening
Wimp has discovered AIDS and
booze. What will be next?
Childbirth?....

In Alberta, conservationists
say the Winter Olympics will ruin
wildlife... Rick Hansen becomes
the only guy working at Expo
88’s Canada Pavilion down
under who doesn’t have to be bi-
lingual. Congratulations, Rick ...
In. Bangladesh, the ‘Observer
newspaper reports that Brian
Mulroney recalled” Parliament
recently. They’re entitled to their
opinion :

And a Merry Christmas to all.

NOW OPEN FOR BREAKFAST
Monday to Friday 8 a.m.
-Lunch,: Dinner — 7 Days a Week

“FOR RESERVATIONS CALL

925-

1945

“AMPLE FREE PARKING OUT BACK -
4362 MARINE DRIVE, WEST VANCOUVER

| Survey says |
)WVers content]

‘SEVENTY-FIVE per cent of

West Vancouverites recently
surveyed ‘‘would not live
anywhere else’’ other than in
West Vancouver.

By MAUREEN CURTIS
Contributing Writer

A portion of the survey recently
conducted by Dr. Bob Wykham
for the municipality was revealed
at the Dec. 14 West Vancouver
District Council meeting.

A total of 396 residents were
surveyed, two thirds of whom have
lived in the municipality for more
than 10 years. Sixty-eight per cent
of the respondents were 45 years or
older.

Satisfaction with municipal ser-
vices was expressed by 95 per cent
of respondents, while a threc-to-
one ratio of respondents indicated

See WV
Page 10

9 - Friday, December 25, 1987 ~ North Shore News

5]

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