C6-Wednesday, March 12, 1980 - North Shore News

QUESTION: We got
married out of stupidity. I
mean our reasons were
stupid. Now we have just
completed 17 years of a love-
less, bitter, hateful marriage.
My husband now wants a
divorce but I am opposed to
it on moral. and religious
grounds. I think that once
God joins a couple together
it is for better or worse and
should be that way ‘til death.
Don’t you agree?

STEWART: You jump
around a bit don’t you? On
the one hand you say that

God joined you together. On
the other, you say your
reasons were stupid. Are you
saying God led you into
stupid action? You = are
opposed to divorce on moral
and religious grounds. You
seem, however, to have no
such moral and religious
grounds for being opposed to
17 years of “loveless, bitter,
hateful” co-habiting. You
judge God for doing a stupid
thing by “joining you
together.” I gather you also
feel he is stupid for holding
you together for 17 years.

easons were stupid

One ot the verses you
must be thinking of goes,
“whom God hath joined
together, let not man put
asunder.” Well, it seems to
me, from this dim distance,
God probably didn’t have a
heck of a lot to do with your
being joined together, or
hatefully staying together.
Who knows, perhaps you are
getting ready fora new life in
which you will be ready to
receive a larger contribution
from him that even you will
not consider stupid. It looks
hopeful!

The urge to know

NOTE from Hayden:
Although it hurts me to do it,
I will omit the com-
plimentary aspects of the
following letter and in the
interest of brevity, pass on to
you the criticism.

QUESTION:

Shame on you Hayden
Stewart for your answer to
the person who loved to
argue. (Feb. 1 issue) So you
think argument is stupid do
you? And you have never
heard of anyone winning?
Tell me where the dividing
line is between argument
and discussion. An _ in-

telligent person who likes to .

argue is someone with an
urge to know, to learn - an
independent thinker who is
reluctant to accept someone
else’s interpretation without
first dredging up all the
facts... and other opinions.
And you condemn this?

I take it then that when

Disquieting fantasies

QUESTION:

I don't feel comfortable
about my fantasies. When I
bring them about, or when I
allow them to come about, I
feel like I'm cheating. I feel
like I have no right to enjoy
something that Is not real. I
have fantasies regarding
money a lot, but other
common ones for me are
about sex, and about suc-
cessful achievement or one
kind of success or another
and, not so often, about
handling the power I have in
my fantasies about money
and success. As I say, I don't
feel too good about these
fantasies and I was won-
dering if you would com-
ment.

STEWART:

My good old Oxtord
dictionary defines ‘fantasy
as being an ‘Image making
faculty) and.

(amongst two
or three other things! as.
‘whimsical speculation It
fantasies are harmful then

\,
de *%

Pee? |

o

you counsel you simply like
to pontificate, being so sure
of yourself and being so
certain that you are ab-
solutely right? You would
brook no argument, since
you are the authority and no
one else's opinion could
count? (If some of your
colleagues were to contest
your opinions) would you
condemn them for arguing
with you?

I mean there ARE other
points of view. Perhaps I am
wrong. Perhaps (the writer)
meant to indulge in an
argument simply for the sake
of argument - an un-
productive and potentially
defeating exercise - and, if
that was the case, it could be
pointless and ‘stupid’.

I think by condemning his
idea as stupid and slapping
him down the way you did
you may have been doing
him an injustice. You may
have failed for once, Mr.

most of us live in a danger

zone, because we all, at
times, entertain fantasies.
More important than the

fantasy is what we do, or do
not do asa result of it.

Some of us are served well
by our fantasies releasing for
our enjoyment and = our
evolvement, some of the
colour and verve and beauty
which we might not
otherwise have perceived in
the reality around about us.
Others of us use fantasies in
an opposite way, by trying to
hive with them almost ex-
clusively and withdrawing
from our realities

There is enjoyment. and
sometimes, value for us as
we allow our fantashes to
make their contributions to
us IT find myself however.
somewhat sceptical of
TRYING to create tantasies
for the purpose giving
myself expenences that do
not prepare the
realty of living on purpose

ltechOR

ol
me for

about enyoving

_ .
5 ORO S

rd ~ howeme
| pee
Cr

Gy

LADYFINGERS STUDIOS

‘more clear in what I say.

Stewart, to be either
reasonable or kind.
STEWART:

Thank you for the kind
words (in the part of your
which I have not included)
and for the challenge you
offer me in what I have
included. You have helped
me see that I need to be

Obviously, I did not make
clear to you what I meant by

‘argument’. You have
written me out of your idea
of what I mean by
‘argument’, while my

comments were based on a
different idea. You were
more gracious than I, for
you point out that IF the
writer had a certain idea of
what ‘argument’ means then,
-(as you say) his was “an
unproductive and potentially
defeating exercise’’
Whereas, I, just took it for
granted. Thank you for your
lesson!

a ‘whimsical speculation’,
and, I receive value from
entertaining ‘mental images’
(another Oxford dictionary
defjnition) but I am rather
negative about TRYING to
create a fantasy that serves
only to give me a temporary
escape from the here and

now.

‘ hy ae
Cad pacrgniany a3
‘coneae

‘i Y

~~
Wo
Ladyfingers Studio is moving to 1825 Lonsdale,

North Vancouver. Watch for our opening March
17th.

3063 Lonsdale Ave.

980-6914

ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appointments for individual. family or group counselling. His new
office in the Internauonal Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) ts for the
convemence uf North Shore residents.

The subject is pot

QUESTION:

The subject is POT. The
question is, what's the name
of the book about pot that
An Linkletter is pushing in
TV commercials?

know”. The suggestion is:
Ask the book stores.

The bonus quote is out of
Grist for the Mill, by Ram
Dass (Richard Alpert). He
says, “Certain acts - for
example, like smoking pot -
may show you the place,

over time they don't
necessarily keep getting you
closer. When you're finally
really honest with yourself
about it, you recognize that
it showed you a possibility,
but it doesn’t allow you to
BECOME the possibility.”

STEWART:
The answer is,

“I don't

y GOLD'S FABRICS

)  Sensibly Priced, Quality Fashions for Apparel and Home

Springs ta.’
is NOW at Gold >
3-15-80 or while quantin.

> Cotton Prints

» Huge selection of spring
prints that will dazzle your
imagination. Cotton, poly-
ester and rayon.

-» Gold's reg. low 4.36
>
» Chambray Blues

Hot new item for sportswear
°80. Soft, practical polyester/
cotton. 115 cm.

Gold's reg. low 3.99

Save
57%

Save
28%

88

| metre
>»
Springtime Coordinate

» Prints & Solids

~ Smart vibrant colours for
> dynamic put-together
fashions. 115 cm polyester/
rayon.

Gold's reg. low 4.36

Save
21%

44

metre

4

Spring ‘80
Boucle Knits

A fashion explosion
Save 36%

of terry-textured

polyester. 150 cm.
metre

Polyester

Gabardine

Gold's reg.
low 6,99.

Sew beautiful tailor- ee
ed spring fashions. Save 38%
Outstanding new
colours. 150 cm. 97
Gold's reg.
low 7.99 metre
— ~” VANCOUVER
2690 Granville & t1th Ave

736 4565

111m & Arbutus 736 0538

NORTH VANCOUVER

441 Lonsdale 980 4433 |

SNS /S/S/™

Aad

Nis athatg a baie

LSSSNS SSSI ™

vhs