~ 4&2 - Sunday, October 6, 1991 - North Shore News LIFESTYLES Those tales of misadventure HEARING LOSS? j See us for good hearing 8 aid service — sales, repairs, 4 batteries and advice. a Government Licensed. pose an awkward problem DEAR MISS MANNERS — Mrs. C., who is one of my best friends on earth, was hostess at an informe! dinner at which a somewhat awkward social situation arose, placing my date and me, and guests we did not kaow, in an un- comfortable position. A bit of background: A few years ago, Mrs, C. and I were in- volved in a romeantic relationship that failed, but feft us very good frieads. Recently she married, and her new husband has become a fairly good acquaintance of mine. This is a bappy situation that is often desired but not always ob- tainable. The young woman I was escor- ting to this party knows the situa- tion and thinks of it the same way as I do. There were a number of guests who knew nothing of this past history. Mrs. C. and I were swapping amusing tales of past misadven- tures, giving no indication of our past intimacies. We were all laughing over one story when 2 young female grest asked how we knew each other. Tke highly amusing story of how we met through a club w's what some of the ‘‘informed’’ .. people expected. To the dismay of many, Mrs. C. blurted out in short fashion, ‘We were lovers.”” - I felt like crawling away, hope- felly “unnoticed. An uncomfort- ablé silence foliowed, and several guests proceeded to stare al my date. She and I were sharing sn undesired spotlight. I know the statement was wrong for Mrs. C. to make, but I am asking how to handle it. GENTLE READER — Wrong? It is an etiquette nightmare. If Mrs. C. does not understand the basic mile governing past in- timacies — that all secrets are joint property, to be released only with the consent of both parties — surely the rule against embar- rassing one’s guests should have stopped her. She sacrificed your feelings, those of the lady with you, and probably those of uther guests. (That every party contains some people who consider their evening made by. such goings-on does not lessen her guilt.) Mrs. C.’s apologizing and swearing never to do it again should be a condition of your continuing friendship. In fact, the apology called for needs to be in the highest (or one might say the lowest) category — groveling. She . should claim to have been tem- porarily out of her mind, as a result of anxiety over whether the ‘salad leaves had wilted. As for handling such a surprise Judith Martin MISS MANNERS burst of indiscretion, Miss Man- fers suggests some such smoothly ambiguous statement as ‘‘Oh, for heaven’s sake, darling, people will take you seriously.’’ (The ‘‘darl- ing’’ is in there because there is hardly a better confirmation than petulant denial.) Should Mrs. C. not take the cue to back down, but recklessly per- sist by saying, ‘‘It was serious,”’ you would be justified in replying gently, ‘‘Really? I had no idea,’’ before suggesting that the com- pany might wish to talk about something else. DEAR MISS MANNERS — I bave been asketi so be maid of honor for a good friend who ‘ives quite a distance away. Her fiance lives in another part of the cczn- try, and the guests live all over the country and in Europe. How am I to throw 4 shower for the bride? Is it proper to have a “shower by mail,’ with people sending gifts on a certzin dzy? GENTLE READER — A shower is a party, Miss Manners feels it necessary to remind you. What you are describing is a mail solicitation, which is not regulated by etiquette but by the Post Of- fice. DEAR MISS MANNERS — My husband is a sun person and doesn’t want to wear a shirt when he is outside..We are around the water and boats frequently, and ke cannot understand why some of the men don’t take their shirts off, We were at a company picnic and some of the men were playing football, but none of them had taken their shirts off. My husband also wented to piay, with his shirt off, but did not kaow what the Proper etiquette was. GENTLE READER — Does your husband understand that clothing is noi only utilitarian but symbolic? A lot of people have a hard enough time with this in miid weather. Miss Manners notices that when the weather turns hot, the part of the braiz that stores ‘such com- plicated concepts is the first thing to melt. Social context is crucial here. Shirtlessness is perfectly proper for a beach picnic, for example. Indeed, Miss Manners can think of contexts where keeping the shirt on might be a social affront, even though she is not going to mention them. But at the picnic you describe, shirtlessness would be considered offensive. You need only notice that the other football players did not divest themselves of shirts, regardless of the comfort factor. That is proof enough that it would have been out of piace for your husband to consult oniy his preference and not the standard of the occasion. a A MUST SEE! The Robert Service Show featuring, TOM BYRNE Storytelling at its best October 16-12 Periermance at 8.00 p.m ° Sstundey Matinre, Oct. 12 at 200 pn. S; VANCOUVER EAST CULTURAL CENTRE : 1995 VENABLES AY VICTORIA q A] Reservations: 254-9578 Ticketmaster 280-3312 PLEASE HELP US... te provide milk, bread, fruits and vegetables, etc. FEED THE HUNGRY IN CUR COMMURITY * $20 helps us buy a weekly bag of groceries for one family © $60 helps sustain a family for one month ¢ $720 assists that same family for a year Please help those in need. All donations are tax deductible. we GLP AND MAIL WHE YOUR GIET TODAY on on me YES! 1 want to provide food for the hungry. $20 0 $60 0 $720 1 Cther @ Address $_ 3 City, Province —_.—_—_____—______——— eg Code THE FOOD BANK 1650 Quebsc Street, Vancouver, B.C, VSA 3L6 ee uf th sae-0664 et ee ee ASK ABOUT OUR TRIAL SERVICE. North West . : Hearing Contre 985-5552 | Hours: Mon.-Fri. 9-5 1910 Lonsdale ; Sat. 9-1 North Vancouver § TURKEY DINNER COMPLETE WITH ALL THE TRIMMINGS STARTS THIS FRIDAY UNTIL THANKSGIVING MONDAY — FROM 5-10 PM. * ee oven-roasted ONLY Ss 7 95 * Fresh mashed potatoes & gravy te Stuffing * Fresh vegetables PLUS * Home-made soup or tossed salad * Cherries jubilee for dessert! TUESDAY OCTOBER 8th DOORS OFEN 9:30 A.M. TO 5:30 P.M. *Note: This further discount off Ed's everyday low price apotles to all sale merchandise & reg-priced merchani ise in Stock. LOT o FREE PARKING a» omereB.