QUESTION: I am a full-
grown woman who is
dominated by nearly all of
my relatives and by a lot of
other people too. I have
three brothers and a sister,
not to mention my mother
and father, who have always,
as far back as I can recall,
taken me for granted as the

person they should take for
granted or overpower or
boss around.

it wasn't until after I was

VOLUNTEER SUSIE SMITH pours some tea
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Senior Citizens Special Services tea last week
at the Seniors Activity Centre in West Van-
couver. Each guest received a package of
items, donated by several West Vancouver
merchants, and door prizes and gift certificates
from local department stores added to the
afternoon's enjoyment.

married and my husband
began to overpower me too
that I decided there was
something all wrong about
this situation and I should do
something about it. I made a
start by trying to talk to
these people and show them
what they were doing that I
did not like and asking them

{in a mousey way) to please

stop it.

I don't think they even

heard me! I didn't get to first

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THE “MOUSE” FIGHTS BACK
ing to be assertive - not aggressive

base. I kept trying to get
them to. change without any
satisfying results. Then I
pulled a boner. I decided I
had to do something about it
myself and what I did was
tell them all to go to hell that
I was going to run my own
life. They reacted in dif-
ferent ways. Big sister

ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appointments for individual, family or group counselling.

reminded me of all she had
done for me and that I had
better be a lot more grateful.
One brother said I had hurt

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him and he's never spoken to
me since. And so on.

Now what I want to do ts
put them where they belong
without making things even
worse. I would dearly like to
keep my family as friends. |
would like to be a part of a
close family that respects me
as one of them. But I don’t
know how to do it. I felt so
terribly guilty when 1 told
them to butt out of my life.
That's not what I want. What
to do?

STEWART: So far, you have
learned two very valuable
lessons. First, that you don't
like being “overpowered”,
second that it does no good
to try to make the other guy
change. And I think you've
learned a third lesson, too.
Have you learned that even
though your first awkward

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Cll - Wednesday, September 14, 1983 - North Shore News

efforts to be your own per-
son did not seem to pay off,
you still must find a way?
Get some help in finding
and learning to use your own
strengths and resources. A
way that may be very ap-
propriate in your situation is
to enroll in one of the self-
assertiveness training groups

that are offered by several of
the agencies, churches and
colleges.

Your one job ts to become
more and more completely
your very own self. There is
nothing more to do. Only
that. And perhaps that may
well be the very purpose of
life. You're on your way!

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