Free Brooke Shields!

TERI SHIELDS, mother of the soft-core teen
porno queen, Brooke Shields, has complained
that her daughter is becoming “difficult.”

Surprise, surprise.

I mean, imagine being
Brooke Shields.

Listen, I have a daughter
the same age as Brooke. My
daughter is tormented all the
time by the demons of
teenagehood.

You know. The full teen
catastrophe. Orthodontists.
Teachers. Inquiring young
men. Uninquiring young
men. Sex education classes
where you learn nothing.

There is nothing minor
about the challenge that
your typical teen-person
faces, merely passing
through the perfectly or-
dinary ordeal of growing up.

Imagine doing it and being
a superstar too.

Divers

DIVERS Tuesday pulled the

body of a West Vancouver

man from under 80 ft. of
water in Howe Sound.

George Stanislaw Arc-

Ane choice. of Oysters Diable

Baer

But that's not the point.
The point is that in the 1980s
there is at least one 16-year-
old female in Western
society who obeys a 10 p.m.
curfew imposed by her
mother, and who is not
permitted to “abuse” her
telephone privileges.

Once, according to the

current issue of Life
magazine » when Brooke

“abused” her telephone
privileges, her mother

“ripped her phone off the
wali and stuffed it down the
apartment incinerator.”

Whew. Heavy stuff.

I wish I could get away
with that.

If I tried to impose a 10
p.m. curfew on my

daughter, she'd rip my lungs
out.

When it comes to the
question of telephone
“privileges,” I solved that
problem a long time ago by
getting her a telephone of
her own.

I mean, my daughter may
not be a mass media teen sex
symbol, but she does have
teen males phoning her
rather often.

Most of them are polite,
Ill say that. They call me
“Sir,” although it doesn't
fool me for a moment. They
know perfectly well that
between me and the dog, we
can make it living hell for
them if they try to come to
visit.

Still and all, it’s nice to
have one’s own phone and
not have a lot of teen-
persons burning up the wires

ind dead man

zynski, aged 66, was pulled
from inside the vehicle he
had driven off Highway 99,
justone mile south of Windy
Point, and into Howe Sound.

The accident was believed

(csav Salad

Comnish Gaine Hen with Pvt whine ¢ Ratsua Sauce
Wel of Se Put
(or gwe mio other wreshotible tewptations )

the Savour iw Decp COVE vescrve 424-2473

able ov OmonSoup Gualune

to have happened tate
Sunday night, but the car
was not spotted--by a B.C.
Rail employee--until
Monday. At that time it was
in shallow water.

~POAH

all evening long.

Why Teri Shields, mother
of Brooke, would want to
throw her daughter's phone
down the incinerator beats
me, unless she’s some sort of
demented power-tripper
abusing her own privileges as
a mother.

Now I wouldn't want to
say for sure that there was
even one mother, ever, at
any time, anywhere, who
actually took advantage of
her position vis-a-vis a
helpless little child and
shamelessly used the child to
achieve the mother’s own
materialistic ends —
heavens, no!

Yet the behaviour of
Brooke’s Mom is enough to
shake the faith of even a
confirmed believer in the
good of human nature like
myself.

Having your daughter
pose in the nude, dripping
with baby oil, at age 12, in
the middie of a child porno
craze, strikes me as being
slightly depraved. Can I get
away with saying that?

I hope so. ‘Cause it’s true.

Anybody who hustes her
daughter like a slab of tender
venison in the Hollywood
meat market deserves to be
caught in a leg-hold trap, if
you ask me.

So, as a gesture in the
season of good will, Id like
to start a Save-The-Brooke
Campaign.

That is, save her from her
mother. Have her mother
thrown in jail.

Linda Lovelace’s
autobiography, called
Outrage, chronicled how she
didn't much like being a
profound sex symbol, but

she was forced into it by a
man, a “human monster,” as
she described him.

1 say Brooke Shields,
while soft-core as opposed to
hard, was forced into it
every bitas much. -

Witha Pleasure

.Haye your gifts

Except that the monster
involved wasn't a man. It
was her mother.

And I think that’s more
disgusting than anything
inflicted on Linda Lovelace.

Free Brooke!

Giving

Call Erena at
929-5124

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