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Revere...’
Backstretch. »

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Page 14, April, 1979 - Sunday News _

we eee

“Another racing | season opens at Exhibition Park

- tomorrow. evening - and you'll have: until the

middle of October to get even: ‘Horseplayers
never die, they just fade away, muttering “if only

Fave. if only I'd’ve...”

"Neither | do they laugh.
Merely -a tired grin and a
shrug of the shoulders. And
they never quit. They just
tell the stories, the ones
like... .

The nun, the bum and

‘God’s Will... The doorbell

rang at the rectory. The nun
opened the door and looked
upon the sorriest human

she’d ever seen. His coat was

torn, the seat was out of his
pants and the soles and
uppers of what remained of
his shoes had long since
parted company.

“Can you spare anything
at al?” he asked. “Pm
starving.”

“There’s only two dollars
left in the jar,” said the nun.
“But you take it.”

The man fell to his knees
on the steps, weeping in
gratitude.

“That's all right, my good
man,” said the nun.
God’s will.”

Next day the bell rang
again. sam) man, but now
wearing a $300 suit, a $20 tie
and all the trimmings.

“It’s .

Freshly shaved and groomed
and coiffed,.a veritable
Robert Redford.

“What in the world?”
exclaimed the nun in utter
amazement. Said the man:

“Here’s your two dollars
‘back. “God’s Will paid off at
boxcars in the fifth race.
What have you got going on
tomorrow’ Ss card?”

The hunch player... he
was a - dreamer. Always
dreaming. This time he

_ dreamed all night of pickle

jars. There were seven jars
and in each jar one pickle.
Seven jars, seven pickles.

First thing next morning,

he phoned his bookie.

“Everything I've got on
No. 7 in the seventh race,”
he commanded.

He fidgeted the whole
afternoon. He could hardly
wait. Finally, time to phone
back for the results.

“How'd I do?” he eagerly
asked the bookie.

“You didn't do nuthin’,”
replied the bookie. “No. 7 in

Pitch in for fun softball

Come and join the North
Shore Family Y.M.C.A. for
a funfilled, action packed
season of softball.

If you are between the
ages of nine and 12, and if
you are interested in a

league in which fun is the
main ingredient, then
register at the ‘Y.'
Registration time: April 9 to
27 ~ at the North Shore
Y.M.C.A., 1705 Marine
Drive, West Vancouver,
B.C.

Hole in one at Gleneagles

Congratulations to Bea
Alexander who started off
the "79 golfing season with a
hole-in-one on number five

at Gleneagles Golf Club.
Female members of the club
celebrated her success with
a party on April 3.

GOLF?

Seymour Golf & Country Club

still has a few memberships
available in Men's Full Play category.

For information please phone:

The Pro
929-2611

The Office
929-5491

b y Jim | Kearney

- Boots and Saddle time

“I've got the horse right. here: his. name. is Paul.
‘= From. the" Battle. Hymn of the ©

the seventh - "finished
seventh.” me boo
-“Oh, no,” ; cried the

crestallen dreamer. “So who
won it?”

“Some. ‘pig at
named Jar of Pickles,” the
bookie replied.

The hunch. player, _ part
two... refinanced, he. had

another dream a few weeks .

later, alt about falling in love
with a ‘beautiful hat check
girl.

.—Scanned the entries in the
morning and stopped at the
fourth race. There. he found
his hunch horse. Phone his

bookie ‘once’ more and
_ commanded: :

“Everything . Fve got on
Top Hat in the fourth.”

Waited and waited, then
phoned back.

“How I do?”

Once again the reply was:.
“You didn’t do nuthin’.
Top Hat ran up the alley.

Dead stinking last.”

“So who won it?”

on

(D

A
. Something called Chapeau.”

80-to- 1,

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°60-to-1 = shot.

‘Hang i in ‘there; kid... Joe’ s
- friends were worried about

- shim. He hadn't hada winner,

betting every race on the
card, for over a year. He'd

—lost his--wife, his home, his
job, his car. They were
afraid that next he'd lose his
mind.

Joe, Joe,” they pleaded.

“Bet on something else. Play |

the market. Bet on baseball,
football, hockey. Bet on

anything, but stop betting

the horses.”

. “What!” Joe replied ina fit
_ Of anger. “Bet on something
I don’t know anything about?

You gotta be crazy!”

One last, chance.

‘blown his roll and all he had
in his pocket was one lousy
dollar, not enough for the
betting windows.

But in the crowd he
spotted his bookie. Bookies
aren't normally welcomed at
the track. And they certainly
don’t make book there if
they're just out for an af-
ternoon or evening — of
pleasure. But his old
customer looked so pitiful,
the bookie listened and his
heart went out to him.

‘“That pig has so little
chance, hell drop dead
before he gets home,” the

- bookie. said. “But for your

last dollar Tl book it myself
and give you 5,000-to-1.”

So the horse that should
have dropped dead came in
and paid three months of the
provincial budget. Word of
the killing quickly spread

and his friends came around

5PM

. No. 02258A)
(TRADES WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED ON SPECIAL PRICES)

_ whined,

. handicapper
crayons. He™ marked off |

. . ‘Fhe’ :.
guy at the track -had a
longshot he loved coming up ©

~ in the next race. But-he’d -

to: congratulate ,
wihner. 0

“You know my bleeping
chancer . _
complaining * ‘bit- .

luck,” the last

terly: “I had: only one
bleeping dollar _ on that
bleeping pig.” - ‘

Skill and science... the
and

speed horses . ‘with _ blue

crayon,

brown crayon.

en,

the big.

the .

middle-of-the-pace
horses with green. crayon.-
‘and stretch runners . with

A friend. looked over the. -
multi-colored ‘form | chart .
andasked:) a a ote
“What's the" red, “crayon ey
for?” nS : Be

Replied the handicapper:

_ “That's pot. crayon: that os
my blood.” “

‘duck...

Good
‘punters, and .
Oscar - -Wilde’s

horse sense: I h: :
horses from betting on what. © -
Poe e will do

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