8 - Wednesday, September 11, 1985 - North Shore News Animals have the right idea ANYONE FOR A R MY MAN Vic has come up with a brilliant solu- tion to the woes of the modern male. Woes, that is, inflicted on mankind by the Status of Women and similar bouncing busybodies. by Doug My man Vic, it should be noted, is a philosopher who is frequently to be seen adorning. the bar in my favorite. watering hole, which for the time being shall remain nameless. We don’t want the fuzz rushing in. .. It is Vie’s belief that sex is the root-of all evil. Not that he’s against. sex. There’s nothing wrong v"th my man Vie i in that sense, It’s ‘the year-round sex that needs to be modified, ‘says Vic. inquiring get this straight Collins What we need, he declaims further, nearly knocking ‘over a. glass of precious wallop in the pro- cess (Vic waves his arms a lot, just like the French, whom he hates heartily) is: A rutting season. SEASON For those who may not be environmentally or biologi- cally informed, it should be noted that most animals do not copulate year-round. As it states in the Good Book, “unto everything there is a reporter helps net suspect THE NORTH Shore News’ Inquiring Reporter column ‘always gets its man. *. And not just the five men and women interviewed twice weekly. The column recently aided North Van- couver RCMP in establishing the identity of a wanted Gibsons man. An RCMP member ques- tioned David Gordon Cockriell at the North Van- couver detachment August 27 «regarding a police in- vestigation, but Cockriell gave the constable a false name. ~ Upon reading the News’ August 28 Insauiring Reporter, police recognized Cockriell from the previous day, but noticed he had given the newspaper a dif- ferent name from the one he gave police. After investigating, RCMP discovered there was an outstanding warrant of committal for Cockriell's ar- rest by Gibsons’ RCMP. Cockriell failed to appear for a court case, and he hadn’t paid an outstanding fine of $400. Cockriell was charged with impersonation and obstructing a police officer. The. 21-year-old man ap- peared in North Vancouver provincial court Thursday and pled guilty to obstruc- tion, receiving a one-day jail term.. The impersonation charge was not pursued. PHYSIOTHERAPY CLINIC This is to announce the opening of the MACFARLANE & MURRAY PHYSIOTHERAPY CLINIC at 159 EAST 15th STREET NORTH VANCOUVER on September 10, 1985 Areas of special expertise include orthopaedics, arthritics & hands {npointments available 7:00 a.m. to 7:00 pan, SUSAN MACFARLANE, B.Sc., M.C.P.A. ALISON MURRARY, B.S.R., M.C.P.A. 159 EAST: 15TH ST., NORTH VAN., B.C. V7L 2P7 TEL: 988-2412 season’’. That’s what we need, Vic tells his attentive audience all of whom were male, if you don't count those in the nearby Safeway who, on hearing Vic's gentle tones, came rushing out wanting to know where the fire was. “That's it,’’ Vic repeated. “A rutting season.”’ If God had ordered things the right way, said Vic, the girls would just have to disappear into the woods or something when not required on urgent business. And it would be no use their com- ing around making nuisances of themselves in the middle of the summer. There are better things to do in the summer than waste valuable time, said Vic. Ditto the winter, when hockey’s on. SEPTEMBER September, thinks Vic, would be the ideal time for rutting. That's when things happen in the woods, and what's good enough for the deer should be good enough for the dears. If they popped up at the wrong time, said Vic, they would simply be told: ‘Go away! It’s September!” Such a system, he explain- ed further, wouid also have the advantage that the men would not be bothered with the kids. ‘‘The does take the fawns with them, he pointed out, and it would be hell of a good idea if the girls did the not * WALL LIGHTS « CEILING LIGHTS « DINING ROOM FIXTURES + TRACK LIGHTING «+ FLUORESCENTS » RECESSED LIGHTS » TABLE LAMPS - OUTDOOR FIXTURES - EVERYTHING FOR THE HOME, GARDEN OR COTTAGE. if you're a doubting Thomas, visit Robinson Lighting soon, because... same thing.’* From the man's point of view. said Vic, the greatest advantage of all would be that the Status, Media Watch, etc. could spend all the time they wished wishing for a man’s world without getting in anyone’s way. It is always possible, of course, that Vic is not right about everything. It could be that the deer and elk rut in October, for instance. But you can’t fault the man’s main thesis. MISTAKES God just made some mistakes, that’s all. Oh well, we can't all be perfect. But God, as Vic would readily admit, had no idea that the Status and Media Watch and the North Shore Women’s Centre would ruin the natu- ral scheme of things. From time to time we may look in on Vic’s musings some more. He’s great on subjects like bilingualism, refugees, hanging and so on. “They run into this coun- try yelling that they've just escaped from some. slave ship and we ‘give them a big fat pension,’* Vic once said in reference to Anne Cools, the black woman from the West Indies who was made a senator after having helped burn down Sir George Williams University and ser- ving a jail term for it. Vic sounds a little bitter at times. But he has some good ideas, - _ . The world is full of oddities. But none so strange perhaps as the case of the lighting store manager who suddenly decided to move a mountain of merchandise, almost overnight. “It's time this city saw an all-out lighting sale”. And with that, ordered storewide savings of.a kind never before seen! Believe itor.. abinson Lighting / Robinson Waterworks let these incredible savings - slip by!