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Q. THE WOMAN I'm see-
ing says | handle sex “like a
girl.” By that, she means I

get too emotionally involv-
ed, which is something, ac-
cording to
virls do.

her, that) only

Dr. Ruth»
Westheimer

ASK DR. RUTFI

Last year I got divorced and
turned 40 — both difficult turning
points for me. — met this woman
shortiy alte: and have been secing
her on a6 42f-and-on basis ever
since.

After we had been together for
a few months, I wanted to make
an agreement to be monogamous,
but she refused. She continues to
refuse, and I continue to have dif-
ficulty with the idea of her seeing
other men. But when I don't see

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The exhibit, aimed at) Van-
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Win Ont for the
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F vodonometal
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Maw digs

50 ~ Wednesday, May 1, 199! - North Shore News

ie foo e!

and f faven’t met
I. she

her E miss her,
ansone else J dike as mach.

ht about me? Am = a sexual
sissy?
A. Not Many inen, especially

men your age, are uncomfortable
with the idea of having ses with

more than one woman at a time.
Some are influenced by the
statistics on the rising rates of
sexually transmitted diseases.
Others, like you, become emo-
tionally involved with their sex
partners.

You shouldnt be in a situation
where someone is allowed to play
with your emotions as this wormian
does. Tell her goodbye if she must

continue seeing other men. And
stick fo it!
You are too vulnerable now,

and protecting yourself is a wise
move. You are not a sexual sissy!
Q. Writing to you with this

problem makes me feet guilty. &'m
lucky woman.

avery I have a

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soud nirriage with a loving hus.
band und two wonderful teen-
agers who gise us ao serious
trouble.

Why am 7) complaining? {
vould fike more variety in my
Jove life, particularly 1 woutd like
more oral sex. E have to beg my
husband to perform cunnilingus
on me. The few times he has done
it, he was wonderful and - had
tremendous orgasms,

Why won't he do it more often?
I'm afraid he finds i¢ unpleasant,
but won't say so. And, what can I
do to persuade him to pleasure me
this way more often?

Should I ask him after he does
it the next time what he liked or
didn't tike about the experience so
Pit know how to make it happen
more citen?

A. You need to have an open
talk with him. Say. ‘Leak, if you
want me to bathe or shower, I
will, Uf sou want us to drink a

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glass of wine first, that’s tine with
mo. What do we need to da to
make you want to perform: cunnil-
ingus more often? Lo really get
tremendous enjoyment from i?

You should also be willing to
please him orally too. When he
does perform, don’t aaalyse. Let
him know how anuch you enjoy
the experience, but don’t ask him
what he did or didn’t fike about
it.

Q. In the past year, my lover,
with whom I live, has seldom been
able to get a full erection: in the
way he did ia the past,

We're both in our early 30s, so
age shouldn't be « problem, He
gets aroused as he always did and

is able to perform, even to
ejaculate. I wonder if F am the
problem. Maybe f don't. excite

him as much as 1 once did.

He says there is nothing wrong,
that it's al in my head. Bui !
know he doesn’t pet as hard as he

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out sex?

once did. Lean tell the difference.

Is bis unwillingness to admit
this reslly proof Pim the problem?
i'm afraid he doesn't want to hurt
my feelings bs telling me he's los-
ing some of the desire be once had
for me. How can F get him to
open up?

A. First. ask him to see a doc-
tor just to be sure nething is
wrong physically to cause a Jack
of blood fiow to his penis. Hf he's
Ok, then don’t open your mouth
aoout his erections azain!

You are making a problem
where none exists. For whatever
reason, his penis doesnt get as
hard as it once did. That has
nothing to do with haw much you
arouse him.

{f you keep pushing him to
“oapen up,’” he maybe will develop
a prodlem. All this focus on the

quality of his erection could cause
him to have trouble getting erect
at all!

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