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34 - Wednesday, September 27, 1989 - North Shore News

Male reader is sick of women who
are obsessed with ‘the right man’

Q. I AM sick to death of hard-driving young professional
women dating several men simultaneously because they are
obsessed with finding the right man for marriage.

Males are criticized if they juggie.
raultiple women at one time for
sex, but these women keep several
men in the air emotionally, not
just physically.

fn the Jast year three of the
women I have dated had several
mek under consideration, compar-

Dr. Ruth —
Dr. Ruth Westheimer
SS
ing them on income, education,

background, etc. Naturally, none
of these women has time to give

any relationship a chance. And. |

wher a man wes obviously becom-
ing committed, aone of them had
the decency to tell him she was
two-timing him.

A. Tsk, tsk — two-timing and
not even telling the guy. Where are
the values? Well, you have to keep
all this in mind the next time you
date somebcdy steadily because

you have been doing something
wrong if this happened three times
in one year. It wasn't all their
fault.

When you date for a while and
begin to feel committed, by that
time you should have a picture of
how this woman passes her spare
time when not being a hard-driving
professional. You really should
have enough interest in her to pick
up that kind of information here
and there.

I can’t believe a woman can
conceal all those other boyfriends
from anyone who spends much
time with her unless he suffers
from severe lack of interest in her.
Before you get committed emo-
tionally, I think you should be
spending enough time with her so
you know she can’t be seeing sev-
eral other guys. At least that much
I can know.

I must say I don’t know such
high performers as the women and
men you describe — the men able
to juggie ‘‘multiple women’’ for
sex, the women keeping several

Wal

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men in the air emotionally. And
driving hard professionally at the
same time. I can hardly believe it is
possible, and it wouldn’t be if the
guys juggled weren’t so self-in-
volved that they take no pains to
find things out about the woman.

Ask yourself — are you dating
women who date a lot casually and
kidding yourself that a relationship
is starting when there is none? If
there is a relationship, there is
almost always a lot of conversation
about what each person has been
doing this week and will be doing
tomorrow and the next night. With
your shortage of data on these
women, you could be getting them
from an escort service.

Are these women really hiding

things from you? Or are you just
so self-concerned that when they
talk you tune them out? You have
to practise having a real two-way
relationship — two people who
share things, tell each cther things
and listen to each other. In that
kind of relationship there is little
room for concealment.

Q. Iam a 21-year-old mother of
three. I have been sexually active
since I was 14. I enjoy sex dearly
and & have a hard time going
without it. Is it norma! for 2
women to be so insatiable? Is it
possible for a woman to settle for
just one man? .

A. To have a hearty sexual ap-
petite is quite norma’, And yes,
you could learn to stay faithful to

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one guy,, if you can get one. At 21
maybe you don’t know it’s a prob-
lem, but again and again, | hear
from some gorgeous women the
question: ‘‘Where are they, the
real men?"’ Men who will be settl-
ed for, men who commit, are well
worth settling for.

Believe me that many women
with high sexual appetites are hap-
pily united with men who want sex
less often thanthey. They don't ask
those men 1o participate fully in
every sexual encounter but to be
loving and pleasing. And some
women who have the mental! habit
of wanting different partners all
the time have learned to modify
their behavior — with professional

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