Britain’s Royals have
royal sense of survival

I NOTICE that the Queen
has started to pay taxes, and
the royal yacht, Britannia, is
to be sold off.

These, of course, are brilliant
tactical moves. And we shouldn't
be surprised. Didn’t the Queen sit
on Winston Churchill's lap, or.
something?

I'm sure some parable about
bending with the wind was recited
by Her Majesty to everyone con-
cerned at Buckingham Palace, or at
least the ones allowed in through
the frorit door.

After the fire at Windsor Castle,
when she was glimpsed as a
doughty matron in a plastic raincap,
plotting to find ways to get the
working classes to pay the bills for
all those incredibly historical, unin-
sured paintings and carpets. Maybe
she sensed she was losing her living
goddess aura.

She is, after all, the head of the
Church of England, courtesy of
Henry VIEL, and his, um, appetites.
And, as such, she gets to be bowed-
to a lot, in addition to alll the day-to-
day curtsying.

I guess she gets to see what the
top of everyone’s head looks like.
Is that why court followers used to
wear wigs?

For a while there — about a year
ago —— the House of Windsor
looked about as wobbly and weird
as the House of Usher.
But, you know, I think
they've turned a cor-
ner, the royals.

Damned if I can
figure out cxactly how
they pulled if off, but

- their nadir has passed,
Well, for the moment,
anyway.

And the most
amazing part of it, to
me, is Prince Charles.
He actually bung in on
the rones through pos-
‘sibly the worst media beating any-
one has ever taken.

And he manages to still look
ready to go for the Crown, as
opposed to doing the sensibie thing,
which, in view of the embarrass-
ment of everything he’s been
through, would be to change his
name, get plastic surgery, and have

-his vocal cerds altered. I mean,
after the Tampon tapes?

Still, he’s done it. I do believe
the much-lampooned princeling has
landed on his feet. PR-wise.

Part of his recovery has been the
clever positioning of Princess Anre
as a possible consort, to keep you-
know-who off the throne, and with-
out precipitating a bloodbath
between Charics’ constitutional
lawyers and Di’s constitutional
lawyers over the fate of William.

STRICTLY PERSONAL

Ah, a monarchy in crisis, in the
dying decade of the 20th century,
when you'd think all this would
have been withered away back at
the end of the Age of Reason.

i'm one of those guys who think
the concept of a monarchy, which
was the original form of totalitari-
anism, is inherently repugnant.

It verges on evilness. It is nepo-
tism, for openers. It degrades and
victimizes everyone involved.

To my mind, if there is any
human goal worth striving for, it is
the political equality of all people.
This doesn’t mean we will ever all

66 For a while there — about a year
ago — the House of Windsor looked
about as wobbly and weird as the

House of Usher. 99

be equal in terms of talent, ‘vealth,
power or fuck, it just means one
person, one vote.

I think you have to be slightly
crazy to sit on a throne, although
not as crazy as you have to be to
bow to somebody sitting on one.

The whole notion of royal blood
being different from anyone else’s

~ is not just biological insanity. it’s

an insult to the rest of us.

Church and state in Jolly Olde
England were fused into one royal
persona for the lowest of possible
camal and political reasons, leaving
a quaint relic of ar institution that
simply will not lie down and die.

You've got to hand Britain's
Royal Family points for sheer
endurance.

They have outlived their empire.
By most measurements, they have

likewise outlived their usefulness.
But they have not lost their taste for
power, their will to survive.

In any battle, this is a key factor.
Not throwing in the towel.

And who can blame the royals
for wanting to stay on? Nice digs.
Nice duds. Nice work if you can get
it. Especially, as they say, in these
recessionary times.

Other societies seem to function
without kings or queens. I see no
reason why even an inbred {ot of
islanders like the Brits can't get
along without being patronized or
matronized from above. .

As for Canada, well, | must say I
have always assumed that, sooner
or later, we would pass beyond our
constitutional monarchy phase and
become some kind of a true repub-
lic.

With the odds shifting almost
daily, it seems, over the fate of
Quebec, I’m not so sure any longer.

In the least-complex scenario,
namely Quebec’s departure from
Confederation, with the Rest of
Canada sticking together, the
Crown would very likely becorne
more valuable than ever as a thread
of historical continuity to which to
cling.

In other words, the rest of the
country is liable to become more
British, not less so, multicultural-
ism aside, in the event of Quebec
actually pulling out.

In the less likely
scenario of Quebec
finally deciding once
and for all whether to
leave or lay back and
enjoy, interest in the
poor old House of
Windsor might just
slide off so far to the
side of any public
agenda that the cutting
of the constitutional
umbilical cord, when
it comes, could be a
minor legislative snip.

What will happen, undoubtedly,
will be a lot of hurry-up-and-have-
an-apocalypse stuff, followed by a
lot of waiting. The question of
Quebec's destiny might be hanging
over our little Canuck heads forev-
er. It is like a style that, once fixed .
in the mass consciousness, will
never completely go away, like
*50s biker black leather.

1 hate to say it, but who knows?
We might just need Charlie boy
before it’s over. Could he play a
useful role? 1 dunno. Maybe he
could. And that’s coming from a
traditional anti-monarchist, who is
running just a little scared as the
interest rates begin to rise, eh?
Ouch.

Does this mean, here we go,
countdown to Q-Day?

BRENTWOOD MALL
to

Sunday, July 3, 1994 - North Shore News - 7

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