I THINK it’s time I came
cut of the closet and admit-
ted it — I’m a bird watcher.

By Paul Hughes
Contributing Writer

I know that several of you may
well snicker at this revelation.
Some of you may even come out
with a full-fledged guffaw or two.
All I can say is that you’re prob-
ably one of the ignorant rabble
who wouldn’t know a bearded tit
if it poked you in the eye.

[, too, was once a low-minded
chump who preferred his birds of
the more toothsome variety, liber-
ally stuffed with sage and onion
dressing. But since then I've come
around to the belief that under-
standing something about these
winged things creates a better un-
derstanding of the meaning of life
itself — a greater perception of
what it is to be a member of this
Cosmic Aviary of the Universe.

Besides, I’ve always thought it a
good idea to keep an eye on the
little blighters ever since I saw The
Birds. You never know when
they’! call a meeting on a tele-
phone pole to discuss ways and
means of pecking us to death.

Personally, I specialize in
marine ornithology. For one
thing, I love the sea and tend to
hang out there a lot, and for
another, marine birds play a little
fairer, They, at least, have the
decency to fly around in the open
where you can see them.

Land birds, on the other hand,
like nothing bdetter than to camou-
flage themselves in bushes, hide
behind rocks, and flit atop inac-
cessible treetops. Not for me the
climbing of cliffs or the trampling
through ditches with nothing but a
tweed cap for company, waiting
for hours (or perhaps days) for a
rufous-sided nutcracker to flap in

Dear Editor:

i The August 4 News Viewpoint
i “Liquor bicker,”? must have been
i written by an idiot. Collins
perhaps?

i We who are trying to get labell-
: ing on alcoholic beverages are not
: trying to force anyone to do
i something that they do not want
t to do. We are only trying to point
i out to pregnant women that the
i destiny of their baby is in their
&

Dear Fditor:

In your Aug. 18 issue of the.
North Shore Nev's, I was in-
terested to read that MP Mary
Collins said ‘“‘violence against
women should no longer be
acceptable in our society."

While that is true and good,
isn’t this the same MP who

LETTERS TO the editor must in-
clude your name, written legibly,
your full address and telephone

number. .
Due to space constraints the

front of my binoculars.

Being of the lazy persuasion, |
tike to make the birds come to
me, rather than the other way
around. This is not as difficult as
it may at first sound, especially if
you’re not too fussy about the
type of bird you attract. You're
not likely to tempt the rarer types
using this method.

If what you want is a glimpse
of a black-browed albatross, or
the even scarcer straddle-legged
coat-hanger made famous by
Jimmy Stewart in Mr. Hobbs
takes a Vacation, then you should
be pondering another article. But

_ Labelling liquor
_ 1s common sense

hands and trying to eliminate the
huge cost to the taxpayers for
programs to look after these (fetal
alcohol syndrome) children who
have no future.

Many studies have proven
labelling does make a difference.
What is so wrong about our using
common sense tc make things bet-
ter?

Marie Moscovitch
West Vancouver

Violence stance inconsistent

endorses the killing of unborn
babies through abortion? Half
of those being violently killed
must be of the female sex, so.
one has to wonder what ticks
inside this woman’s head! Or is
she a real live blond joke?
Valerie Remedios

North Vancouver

North Shore News Mailbox policy

North Shore News cannot publish
all letters. Published letters may
be edited for brevity, clarity, ac-
curacy, legality and taste.

INSIGHTS
Guano with the wind

f THERE HE IS...
g THE DUDE WITH THE
UMBRELLA AND THE
_STALE BREAD.

if youre ambitions extend only to
things with wings and lots of ’em,
read or.

The only tools you need for this
procedure are a loaf of bread and
an umbrella. (Unless you want to
look like a red-faced booby, the
last object is essential.)

Simply stand on the shore, tear
off a chunk of bread and cast it
upon the waters. Close your eyes,
count to 10, and if there aren't at
least two gulls fighting over that
tidbit, Pll eat a crow.

The whole thing will begin to
crescendo from this point on, and
before you get to the end of the

Violence study is ‘talk’

Dear Editor:

The North Vancouver Women’s
Liberal Commission offers con-
gratulations to Mobina Jaffer, a
past president of the B.C.
Womens’ Liberal Commission,
aad currently Pacific repre-
sentative, on her appointment to
the panel tc investigate violence
agzinst women. It is gratifying
that when the Tory government
finally adresses the problem, they

legislate against men instead !

Dear Editor:
Re: Pregnant women vs. liquor.

Well, well, look who we have as
president of the B.C. Medical
Association and who is openly
asking for woman and child not
to be served liquor. And wants
this legislated!

I hope this person is not from
the country and extraction which
believes and stil! practises (and
even in Canada) the killing of
baby girls and the revering of
baby boys. It scares me to think

loaf, you'll wish you had invested
in a good pair of earmuffs and an
ack-ack gun. Enough gulls will
have congregated to siart your
own horror movie.

The beauty of the gull (ubi-
quitous pooponusicus) for the in-
dolent bird-watcher is its coop-
eration. Offer them the tiniest bit
of grub and they'll eagerly flock
to your side. Offer them a lot of
same and they'll sharnelessly pose
naked for a centrefold spread in
Audubon Monthly. A more
brazen batch of fowl has yet to be
hatched.

Not so Now

the cormorant.

have had to turn to the Liberal
party for an appointee with a
social conscience.

However, the question does re-
main as to whether 2 government
whose idea of compassion is a
GST refund, should now pay for
yet another study. Would it not
make more economic sense to give
the $10 million to the chronically
under-funded transition houses
which Help battered women?

The study will take 15 months,

that it is possible to legisiate
against women, their bodies, and
their babies.

Mr. doctor/president, prove to
me and all women that alcohol/
cocaine/the weed/heroin etc. do
not alter the DNA of the male
sperm! And just maybe it does
not matter how many drinks a
woman may have, genetically the
damage may already have been
done.

Maybe women are only carriers
of what men produce.

Also, since men can father

Friday, August 30, 1991 - North Shore News - 7

there’s a bird with attitude.

While you’re feeding the gulls,
have a look around and you'll
probably spot an elegant, fong-
necked black creature squatting on
a rock somewhere with its beak in
the air, clearly not amused by the
aniics of its white cousins.

You won't catch a cormorant
relying on the dole to get by.
Self-made birds, every one of
them, and you’ll accasionally sec
them express their disgust over the
lower-toned gulls by outspreading
their wings as if to say, ‘‘Why
don’t you guys get a real job?"’

But the bird that surpasses all
for sheer dignity has to be the
great blue heron. You'll often see
them standing on one leg close to
shore, patiently waiting to shish-
kebad any unsuspecting fish who
happen to be swimming by within
beak reach. They let out a distinc-
live calf (actually more of a
groaning croak) with all the classy
resonance of an empty can of
shave cream.

Herons are world-weary birds
filled with a deep-seated ennui. If
you've ever seen one sitting on a
leg with its head hunched over its
wings, you'll know what I mean.

The great blue’s facial expres-
sion seems to suggest that its one
vig decision in life is whether to
My headlong into a plate-glass
window and end it all. They read
a fot of Albert Camus. Not filled
with a lot of chuckles, but still,
they carry the whole thing off
with a great sense of nobility.

There are, of course, many
other species that grace our
shores, and sooner or later, if
you're patient enough and
energetic enough, you should spot
quite a few of them.

I leave you with this last note of
bird-watching wisdom. A bird in
the hand... will probably leave
you with something to remember
it by.

and at its conclusion there is no
guarantee that its recommenda-
tions will ever see the light, of day.
This government’s solution to
social problems seems to be to
talk them to death and then off-
load dealing with them onto the
provinces and the municipaiities.

Blanche Howard
Acting President
North Vancouver Women’s Lib-
eral Commission

children until age 90, the solution
is te legislate against men not be-
ing served liquor or any drug until
they are age 95.

This way we’ll be able to pro-
duce a better quality of men who
will be without perversion, killing,
incest, abuse, violence and all the
ills that ‘‘men’’ seem to have and
suffer! And that sick need to con-
trol women and everything in
sight.

June M. Vos
West Vanceuver

a a TS