22 - Sunday, June 30, 1985 - North Shore News st's right to embarrass kids Not h DEAR MISS MANNERS — My husband and I, along with our son and other guests, were invited to a barbecue by a well-known minister we admire, who had helped us improve our mar- riage. Upon our arrival, we g noticed that one of his daughters was in tears, but we didn't say anything. Another daughter passed a tray of drinks, and our host told her to stand up straight and smile directly at each person as she passed the refreshments. Next, he called over our son to meet the tearful daughter, and see what he could do to get her to talk. Our host insisted he was only doing this for the children’s improvement of character and social skills. Then he corrected another young man’s grammar and told him he needed to brush his teeth. Guests were silent, moving about uneasily, as our host bellowed for tis wife to come te his aid. Another young mother was instrucied to hand over her daughter, a three-year- old in teas:, — our host in- sisted he knew how to make her more obedient. The child's father stood up and announced that he and his family were leaving. He stated he thought they were invited to a social event, not a lecture. After they leit, our host and his wife lamented the young man’s lack of faith in the methods used for his good. Our host insisted he had to do the Lord's work to improve the lives of those around him, even if he was sometimes misunderstood. I did not know how we should have handled this situation. My busband said it was just our hosts’s “way,” and I should not have felt uncomfortable. If you were in my shoes, what would you do? I am torn be- tween admiration for a great { Computerized i Water Analysis : man and a sense of social embarrassment. by Judith Martin GENTLE READER — Miss Manners is surprised to hear that the Lord is in need of workers to spread humilia- tion and insult. Surely there is enough of that around without divine intervention. She supposes, however, that God gave you the com- passion to sympathize when others suffer, and the senseto Tecognize cruelty when you see it. Do not allow anyone to talk you out of this. One does not teach children or anyone else how to correct a problem by adding the new problem of public embar- rassment. Miss Manners has not the benefit of knowing why you consider such a person great, nor what he did for your marriage. But she assures hou that had she been in your shoes, those shoes would have soon been out the garden gate. As Miss Manners does not believe in making scenes herself, she would merely have announced that she had better be going, allowing the unexplained departure to speak for itself. Her only tegret in so doing would be her inability to take this man’s poor children with her. DEAR MISS MANNERS — How long after a woman is widowed can or should she wear her wedding and engagement rings? T have had people give me different answers. Some say a month, others say as you wish, I am a widow and am stil! wearing both, but if 1 go out with friends [I notice everyone: looking at my ring finger. Should I take them off? I would feel lost without them. I know sever- al others will be watching for your answer. GENTLE READER — Oh, so the Torture the Widows Squad is out agin, is it? Miss Manners keeps having to chase these people out of town when they gang up on widows to inform them — totally incorrectly — that they may no longer use their late husbands’ names. This new tack is equally wrong, as well as being equally unpleasant. There is no rule of etiquette about the removal of rings. Some widows remove the rings when they feel that they are ready to be available for courtship; others never remove them. Now, would people who enjoy making the bereaved ‘B wi radiator cap connections Associate wy Sores ttd. Inspection of all hoses and tightening of all hose (Inspection and tension check-up of all belts 4 Inspection of water pump ia Complete rad inspection doubly miserable please get themselves out of the eti- quette field? DEAR MISS MANNERS — My best friend and neighbor accused my son of making annoying phone calls to her, and I am afraid I fost my temper and used some harsh and insulting language. She remained calm but cool dur- ing my outburst, even sug- gesting that my son seek some kind ef counselling. GUARANTEED BUY WITH = ND IT ADVERTISE! Wee Legs — WELL REFUND E DIFFERENCE COLONY HOME FURNISHINGS Warehouse/Showroom OPEN TO THE PUBLIC (2 biks. behind the Avalon) at 1075 Roosevelt Cres., N.Van. 124 Sin 985-8738 4 |. Cooling syst We'll check it out - Canada’s changing seasons can leave you in doubt as to : the effectiveness of your cooling system Thatis why you need to check it out at a Canadian Tire Auto Centre. Our TOTAL SERVICE experts give your car's cooling system a thorough going over to ensure that your engine is run- ning at the ght temperature, and to prevent potential S@fious breakdowns. For safety’s sake, you must have this done sooner or later. Drive in today and keep your coot on that first hot day. TOTAL SERVICE check-p for total automotive care {Pressure testing of the We tater found out that my son did, in fact, do these things. He apologized-and she forgave him, ‘but she never visits or calls me, and I think I’ve lost my friend forever. I haven’t approached her either. Who should make the first move? GENTLE READER — Your son seems to have, and it was successful. The best thing you can do is to follow his example — not by imak- ing funny phone calls, but by apologizing. if he can plead youth, you can plead an excess of blind maternal loyalty. Most 4 cyl. Including 4 litres anti-treeze Most 6 cyl Including 6 litres antr-treeze Most & cyl. tncluding 6 Itres anti-‘reeze Ci Checking the heater and (Cleaning battery terminals defroster (4 Flushing radiator and wiper blades {2 Checking all lights 1345 Marine Dr. (at Bridgman) (1 block west of Pemberton across trom Save-on-Foods) Mon.-Sat. 8:00-5:30 Thurs. & Fri. 8:00am-9:00pm 987-5651 «Checking the windshield washer pump and fluid ta Checking the windshield {2 Checking overall battery condition and ftuid level block with clean water 3 lnstalling coolant (extra) Bleeding the cooling system (if needed) [4 Running engine and pres- Aa Checking dash instruments 1341 Main St. {at Mountain Hwy, 986-2412 Mon-Sat. 8:00am-5:30pm + Ait conditioning repair servi. » avaitable ot these tacotions Mountain Hwy Mini Storage at the foot of Mountain Hwy. 20% bleach & water solution cleans wooden decks very well. A wt Re TOTAL SERVICE, AE em in doubt? 2 95 34° 3995 sure testing system for leaks } {across trom Venice Bakery) All sizes of secure storage 987-0269 Open 7 Days 1440 Dominion St. N. Van. ys a USE YOUR CARD posal) Fe Kd conaian, rine