A8 - Friday, December 21. 1984 - North Shore News Wanna kiss? Check your semiochemicals! HEY SAY THAT ALOT cot kissing goes on at Christmas time on the subject, Not that being a bit over the hall, I’m any expert But there are some tacts of lite that some of you kissers might like to know about. Why do people hiss? That Is the question You might think it’s) because if tastes nice, but there's more to it than that We've all done some smooching that didn’t taste nice at all, what with garlic being so popular these days So in many ways the whole thing’s a mystery, and it doesn’t suttice to say that vou do it because you like it Dr Collins, the well Known hypochondria and quack, has by sheer chance discovered what's behind this Strange custom, which ft believe ois) now banned in Iran, thanks to the Ayatollah, a clean living tellow if ever there was one When | talk about kissing I'm talking about the thing. not the down, dutitul real furtive, eves- peck on the cheek you give Your mother inlaw No, im talking about the sort of expedition that launches a thousand ships and will even hold its own with a glass of Glentidditch So why do we kiss? tor the answer to that, Dro Collins owes a debt to Dr Bubba Nicholson, who has written all about at in the current issue ot the British Journal of Dermatology (In passing, allow me to observe that only a puy whose mother called him Bubba could possibly have studied the subject in such detail ) Wwe do it, Nicholson, because we become intoxicated with semiochemicals But) betore we pounto that womust be said that is better to study kiss ing than ato te go around Sav Det sucking baboons’ hearts into babies — this in case you gel get this Straight Doug Collins the idea that we doctors have nothing much to do except to kiss nurses in the name ot medical research So let’s hase a lick in honor of Bub ba And don't blame me tt Vour semrochemicals aren't working Gio see your own doctor As | was saving. it’s alla Matter ot cals, that your semirochem which are a hind of drug rests on the skin It 1 understand my colleapue cor rectly, semmochemicals are to be tound all over, but have a particular king tor the lips Whenimbibed, they can raise hell with hbida So at wont be long betore the Status of Women catches on to this dangerous drug and demands that it be banned VOurL To cuta long story short. a Dr Nicholson's beliet that the real purpose of kissing os tO seek Out your partner's semiochemicals And at Dr Collins may intersect) here) please don’t contuse vour semuochemicals with vour EE mailbox | >< | ‘Minority’ lady backs Doug Dear Editor lam writing to commend you for your courageous stand in detending Doug Col- lins at the recent BC Press Council hearings Thank you for giving us the opportunity of reading one of the most honest and experienced jour nalists in Canada [| am for tunate to have a sister who lives in North Vancouver and chips and sends Mr Collins’ articdes to me When Doug Collins wrote for the “Van Sun’ | used ta save his columns tor hee Mr Collins’ pieces) are sa good. that | pass them on to relatives Living in the Pater COUNT Some of AS a4 Wola D and naturalized Canadian (oan anyone be from oa tore Erba ryare Wt ther nity than da Hungarian bert oi Tran Svinania?) Lb feel cuaabtied te madge Mir Cootlias oa the ay CUNO TOYS Percrupbyt agearrist hon TE have never feud aris ot Doone © oodtiiis ceeluriiis oot Perisive Con thie ree | Thott tre pede © atiadivts with ree ser eee bey preoreeeh iba crt the GEN NO etd bases vida eetrt Ny nto Wiohic ther Pre se bee ure thie seed. © oN Othe b var bvtirte tet pre tidern Mw the actions of the Human Rights Commission, or in the labor umions, Doug reports on them He also comments on worldwide issues and pro blems, thus focusing our at tention onthem Other € ana dian journalists who do the same are Barbara Amiel, | es Bewley, and Peter Worthington Many readers have potnted out that Doug © olliny fought (O preserve governments, them, press democratic and within freedom of speech and His war record remains unblemished Where were all the bleeding heart during the Second World Wat’? Where ate all the outspoken liberals libertarians Thev should be hell about cosa how? CAINE thas obsqous urate Ipement om og yourtalist s< x rophts atid ou Nouraurt DEWSP apes So PEEess privilepes It seers ter ttre that ttre Wheat mateber agit Ca tiadiaras bows are Cebtain mieiabers oof hhre Woovttie des Noes erties varie both wp Saw ar ee at an arid vettierti leaders Wohiade bo weeded prroobuatety tive cortsidbe ted 4 strrall ‘ ee ee }oveae wellitip te ce ned re hehe raps VICTORIA MORTGAGE CORPORATION LID. #101 747 Bute St Vancouver 826 910 Covermment St ob Ay) Vin fons LY | en a ticdes to round out omy political perspective Why are people from the opposite end of the political spectrum so atraid to do the same” Have people become so sensitive and preoccupied with sexism and racial discrimination that they have lost their sense of humor? Although | have seen a countless number of old movies in which Afun was us ed as a derogatory term for the Germans (Navsis) and Beaty Free cookies! their allies, | have never been upset I can laugh at the ip- norance of the people who received satisfaction trom heaping abuse on the name of the race I belong to lask you and Mr Collins not to give in to the pressure from the lett Please continue to write and publish your ex cellent articles (Mrs.) Uzonka Kathleen Deminger Garibaldi Highlands We deliver on Sundays from 1pm 985-0636 North Shore Pet Foods choortryerr ly Aourtiee SPECIALS usta Dog Chow ()r Kal Kan Cat | Food 7199 95° Dr. Ballards Specialty Dog Food Puss & Boots | Pricos in affect Oo 19 22 which afe sex: ually attractive smells, if don’t mind my them pherenomes, you Menvioning The good doctor also states the tollowing Skinesucking behavior (hissing) allows only specitic reception You can be smelled by afoom tulbof people all at the same time, bul needs permission | Dr Collins begs to ditter It may need permission in this cissy age. but there was a tume when, maddened by the pheronomes, a chap might and suck all over the Place Some of the girls liked i. and some didn’t When thes didn't, as is now clear, it iw obsious that vou were to blame, your semrochemicals hissing serze A ftnendly puppy 1s Sure tO warm the heart of anyone Nave mary to Choose trom Wee “shia: ery toon feet ere Te Say Merry Christmas with a gift from ’ Habitat not being up to seratch, possibly through no tault of your own To continue with Dr Nicholson's greal work. At the root of the semto- chemical that) lovers seek (where the bee sucks there suck FP?) is) the sebaceous gland These wonderful things secrete a substance called sebum, and are found all over the body, but par- ticularly on the scalp, neck, face, the temale nipples and the surrounding area. Not only that, but lots of these glands appear inside the mouth and “in copious roset- tes on the vermifion borders of the lips.” Well, I’m damned And a happy Christmas to Professor Robin Ridington [ & 89" Buy A i yilery ‘ wae 4 Hagen Heater and Pump 20% off Get 3 Hamater Ctreus Kits Pet Habitat ae ee ee 2O% off vote ry otiat yi! qif' Taye hk bdery gt ae ' que