SINCE it is no longer possible to watch a live theatre performance without listening to several audience members carry on as if they were still safe on the sofa in front of the television, here’s a game that will get every- one playing by the same rules. Winner is the first to score 100 points without being asked to leave - unless it’s by a cast member in which case you are an automatic winner. ER Arrive late, 3 Leave early. Five points in each cate- gory, with five bonus points if you can walk across the front of the stage while doing so. Ten bonus points if actors drop a line. KER Use wrong aisle to access your seat. Score one point for everyone you force to stand while you barge down the row to your seat, two points if the play has already started. E3 Fail asleep on shoulder of complete stranger. Score two points if they wake you, five points if they move. If you have an accom- plice, you can be awarded one bonus point for every dramatic pause in which your snoring is audible, — Ei Repeat the punchline of every joke in a comedy. Alternatively, score one point for each time you repeat “I don’t see what's so funny.” Five points any time you can beat an actor to the punchline. .. {53 One point for each piece of double- wrapped candy you eat, Double points if it’s really crunchy or blows bubbles. Two points for kicking your pop can over at especially sensitive moments. Five points if it's full and spills on the fur coat in front, ten if the can'makes it on stage and the actors have to deal with it. BA Leave watches, beepers, pagers and cellular phones turned on. One point for every time your watch Pe. This Weekend . Live Entertzin: o IMPROVED SELF-SERVE AREA © ALL WEW DECSA © BILLIANBS © LIVE BARBS + 308 3 °. announces the time, two points for a beeper and five points for voice mail that’s audible five rows away. Fifty bonus points if the house manager calls you on your phone to ask you to leave. E3 Toke your camera. Two points for every flash pic you can get before the house manager shows up. Ten bonus points if any actor starts to pose their “good” side. One point every time you guess out loud who did it in a murder-mystery. Sorry, no points if it’s a production of The Mousetrap. E22 Wear a large hat. Score one point for each person who asks you to take it off. Twe points if anyone behind changes seats. § Listen to the Canuck game on headphones. Score one point every time-you say “Goal” loud enough to disturb your neighbors. Given it's the Canucks this may not be very often, so an extra five points if the cast know the score by the end of the play. (By all means don't stay home if you are sick. One point for every sneeze, two if you are or MODERY FURNITURE & COLLECTIBLES out of kleenex. Two points for every coughing attack, five if you leave for water, Ten bonus points for throwing up (only 5 if it’s because you got drunk at intermission). Bi children should be exposed to art early, Two points for every child under 12, providing they kick the seat in front. Five points for each child under six, providing they ask lots of questions, 10 points for each babe in arms, providing they wake up and cry at least twice. 48 The elderly deserve an evening out. Leave the hearing aid batteries at home and score one point for every “What did they say?” GE} Be a critic, Everyone else is. You score one point for every vocal comment concerning fashion and style - providing you can relate it to an item in your own wardrobe. Don't limit yourself to the cast. What about. the rest of the audience? £8) Check out the set, bounce on the bed. Two points for walking on stage uninvited after curtain call, five at intermission. Another five if you tinish off any uneaten food or drink. Bonus ten points for pocket- any “souvenir” prop. Musicals are fun. Anyone can join in a chorus. Five points for singing along with the solos, ten if you can get the actor to sing in your key, [Ed Opening night receptions mean you can save on supper. One point for every item of food you i in your pocket for later. Touring musicals have big name stars that impress the hell out of little old Vancouver, 7 Everyone else will applaud when the stars Gi “at Selection at Great Prices! make their first entrance. Fifty points if you * Unique home accessories " . sabe ® Mirsors, candlestick holders : go and get their autograph right row. * imported carved items ** Discontinued lines,and samples .. The Sample. Sale: (103 East 2nd St. (2nd & Lonsdale) Everything at Yesterday's Prices! 1003 Commercial Drive Tues.-Sat. (10am-6pin) V. , B.C. V5L 3X1 ; (Commercial &¢ Parker) Tel: 255-3844 nn re tA s Gey Capers Fit Food Program Can’t find nutritious food near your office? 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