books (ir 30 - Wednesday, February 27, 1991 — North Shore News You must be joking... HICH CLEFT-chinned movie idol, having decided that he could never succeed in America with the name Issur Danielovitch, changed it to Izzy Dem- sky? Which Canadian prime minister had the embarrassing habit of re- ferring to the leader of the opposi- tion as ‘‘Mr. Prime Minister?” In what line of business were women advised to ‘Get under a good man and work up?" And the answers are: Kirk Douglas, Joe Clark and showbiz dancing. Aren’t anecdotes marvelous things? They add more bounce to the entree on the rubber chicken circuit, break the ice at parties and (perhaps best of al!) make the raconteur sound witty and knowl- edgeable at someone else’s ex- pense. The tick, of course, is finding the right amusing little gem to suit the occasion, a feat that isn’t as difficult as it might seem. As a matter of fact, you need look no further than your local bookstore... Oxford University Press (OUP) _ has added yet another title to its list of anecdotal collections with Movie Anecdotes (312 pp.; $24.95) by Peter Hay, a behind- the-scenes {and behind-the- ecreams) tattling of literally hun- dreds of Tinseltown tates. Movie Anecdotes is Hay’s third contribution to the baring of jeers, smears and cheers in the glare of the limelights, following Theatrical Anecdotes (1987) and Broadway Anecdotes (1989, released in paperback in 1990). (Dedicated collectors might also be interested in having a look at Jack McLeod's Canadian Politicai Anecdotes, also from OUP and a fairly recent paperback release.) While all four of the above titles now occupy spots of reverence on my bookshelves, one title unlikely to join them is Sidney Freifeid’s rather tedious and poorly designed Undiplomatic Notes — Tales From The Foreign Service (Hounslow). This is not to say Undiplomatic Notes isn’t funny, because it is — occasioaally. But the delivery of these stories of infernal Affairs staf- fers and domestic politicos abroad is often awkward, with one long- winded recitation flowing slug- gishly into the next. Anyone dutifully plodding through Undiplomatic Notes would assume that our politicians Don’i forget to join us every Sunday night for Live Jazz featuring Four Play -— from 7 p.m. book review and their bureaucratic golers are a rather boring lot and would miss a vital point: the only reason we have a foreign service is to get as many of these people out of the country as we can. But, if our diplomatic corpse (or should that read ‘‘corps’’?) is a shade fractured in the funnybone department, Peter V. MacDonald proves that there is one Canadian source of guffaws that is virtually infallible: our legal system. Return of the Court Jesters (Stoddart; 214 pp.: $24.95) is the author's third injudicial enquiry into the bizarre (and absolutely true) events which prove that Justice is not only blind by is probably reiated to John Cleese. A case in point is the foliowing swinish yet deliciously crude story from Hogtown: “For quite some time, until recently, the Ontario Pork Pro- ducers Marketing Board had a catchy slogan that read, ‘Put Pork On Your Fork.” One autumn day in 1985, a man entered a Toronto supermarket and, according to a report filed in court, was seen to stash “two large packages of spareribs’ — $11.45 worth — ‘“‘down the front of his pants.” He was nabbed out- side the store and charged with theft under $200. The accused pleaded guilty be- fore provincial court Judge J.S. Climans who, in passing sentence, noted for the record: “| guess he’s been taking the advertising very seriously. You know it’s supposed to be ‘Pork On Your Fork’ — not ‘Pork On Your Dork,’ ” And just in case the reader gets the mistaken impression that Return of the Court Jesters revels in unfortunate episodes where defendants are the sole butt of the judge's jokes, rest assure that no Anybody who believes that the best Rock tunes are 998 timeless has to catch this band. Nobody captures the energy or sen. timentality of earl rock songs as well as the rock veteran Billy Cowsill. > Wednesday, Feb. 27 } till Saturday March 2 NeIGuncURHCDD PUB “Always the Best in Entertainment” 175 East 1st, N. Van 988- 5585 one (judges included) avoids MacDonald’s puckish plundering of litigious fore. As proof of this, | offer this final excerpt from Return of the Court festers: “Courtroom etiquette ... dic- tates that, no matter what the pro- vocation, counsel! must refrain from making personal cracks about the judge. Lawyers some- times have trouble with this com- mandment. “Back in the 1950s, for exam- ple, a lawyer was asked to repre- sent a 12-year-old boy who was charged with fondling himself in public. “The judge listened carefully to the evidence, as well as counsel's DON’T PASS THIS UP! Li GARDERS Chinese Restaurant . = submissions, and then gave some fatherly advice: ‘This sort of thing will get you nowhere, Tommy, and if you don’t believe me, just ask your lawyer.’ “4 shall defer to Your Honor’s greater experience.’ the lawyer replied.’ ’’ Th-th-th-that’s all, folks. OVER id PATTERNS TO CHOOSE 2x2 Egyptian cotton direct from England, 100% cotton & polycotton wom $3898 Gift certificates avail ONLY 1 STORE IN TOWN 2531 Granville St. at Broadway FREE parking at rear 731-9190 RISES Cold Specials Your Choice $4.59 ea. 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