Sunday, July 14, 1991 ~ North Shore News - 39

LIFESTYLES
Smoke breaks cause office resentment

DEAR MISS MANNERS — F have a problem at work.

Most of my co-workers smoke,
they aren't allowed to smoke in the

for the government,

and t don’t. Sirce I work

building; they have to go outside.

They do this frequently during
the day, and I’m beginning to feel
really angry and resentful. When
they go out, I'm left to pick up
the slack. (We are secretaries and
are expected to answer ihe
phones.)

I would like to solve this prob-
lem in a constructive way, without
being so resentful. | know that
getting sarcastic is not the solu-
tion, and neither is resuming my
smoking habit. But if I just let the
cesentment build up, sooner or
Jater FH blow my stack and say
something I shouldn't.

GENTLE READER -~ You are
quite right to seek a mannerly
solution. Blowing your stack in
the office could be injurious to
your health.

Miss Manners would like to
draw to your attention the fact
that what you are talking about
are not the pros and cons of
smoking but the terms of work-
ing. The issue is the regulation of
what is known as a ‘‘coffee
break,’’ whether it is for coffee,
cigarettes, candy bars or a com-
bination of the three.

In some work places, the time
and length of coffee breaks are
spelled out; in others, they are left
to the discretion of the workers. If
the smoking rule has inspired your
co-workers to abuse the privilege
at your expense, this should be
drawn to the attention of super-
visors.

You need aot complain about
specific workers or report their
practices with rancor. The simple
request for breaks of equal time
and duration ought to suggest the
need to curb unreasonable
tendencies.

Miss Manners says this with
some trepidation. Suppose your
supervisor merely agrees that you,

Judith
Martin

MISS MANNERS

too, ought to be able to abandon
work frequently, and yours is a
government office that Miss
Manners has been trying for years
to reach on the telephone?

DEAR MISS MANNERS —
My husband's daughter is getting
married, ane I want to do what is
best for all. I have told my step-
daughter that I will give ber a
bridal shower for her father’s side
of the family. Am I supposed to
invite her mother and grand-
mother? :

How should I dress for the
wedding day? Do I dress as
though I'm the mother of the
bride? Should the color of my
dress match the bridesmaids’
dresses? Do I wear a corsage?
Where do I sit in church?

What about when the bridal
party is catled to the dance floor,
and then the parents — is my
husband expected to dance with
his ex-wife? Or do 1?

Is my husband also expected to
have pictures taken with his ex-

Centennial tickets going fast

TICKETS ARE going fast for the
North Vancouver Centennial Fam-
ily Day on Grouse Mountain.

The celebration is happening on
Saturday, Aug. 10, and will run
continuously from 8 a.m. to 8
p.m., beginning with a pancake
breakfast and concluding with the
music of Charivari, a jazz quintet.

in between are almost 30 per-

formances and activities that in-
clude dancing, a steel bard, a
logging show, a variety of musical
groups and che popular Freddy
Fudpucker band.

The free tickets, which can be
picked up from any North Van-

couver recreation centre, include

transportation up the mountain on
the Grouse Mountain skyride.

PUBLIC

NOT

CE

wife? Are my parents to be con-
sidered as grandparents? (My
stepdaughter does not call them
Grandma and Grandpa, but Mr.
and Mrs.)

My husband und his ex-wife
divorced on unfriendly terms, and
he and I have been married for
three years.

GENTLE READER — You
certainly are not expected to dance
with your husband's ex-wife. Miss
Manners is happy to be able to
provide you with instant relief
from that worry.

She can also get you off the
shower hook, so to speak, if it is
not too late. Showers are not
supposed to be given by relatives

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RECEPIION SERVICE

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e Arrangements for
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you,
Linda Stonehouse
Denise Donaldson

987-2090

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PRICE

of the guest of honor. You are her
stepmother and may give a tun-
cheon or reception in her honor,
but nota shower, because the last
is characterized by the giving of
presents, and one is not supposed
to be greedy on behalf of a rela-
tive.

As for the other activities —
costuming the relatives, deciding
the dance order, and posing for
pictuces -— these are not, repeat
not, part of the proper wedding
tradition.

There is nothing wrong with
consulting about clothing so that
no one seriously clashes in style
with anyone else; with wearing
flowers; with signing up the bride

for early dances with her closest
male relatives; with having pic-
tures taken.

But these are not proper wed-
ding rituals. There is no rule of
etiquette mandating that mothers
of the bride and bridegroom
match anyone, even each other;
there is no rule that certain female
relatives must be distinguished
with corsages; there is no rule that
certain people must dance together
Or must appear together in
photographs.

There is a rule everyone must be
polite to everyone else, no matter
what the previous family activities
were,

NORTH SHORE FAMILIES

BCJ Services Canada Inc. together with our parent company
BCJ (Japan) invite you and your Canadian family to enjoy
the unique experience of sharing your home with a Japanese
student of high school to university age this summer.

Students will be arriving in August for three weeks to
upgrade their English language skills and learn more about

our Canadian culture.

These young people are known for their polite behaviour,
and many student/family visits develop into lasting

relaionships.

If you are interested or would like more information, please
call Naomi at 689-5722 (office) or 736-9935 (residence).
BCJ S-RVICES CANADA INC.

#304, 842 Thurlow St.

Vancouver, BC.

689-5722

Suitable compensation is provided.

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