82 - Wednesday, November 16, 1988 - North Shore News

life has trouble staying awake

Q. Twice in the last few
weeks my wife has fallen
asleep while we were making
love. Am I doing something
wrong? This happened on a
second honeymoon
overseas.

A. Maybe not. If she suffers
from insomnia you may be just
what she needs. Not even sexual
climax is more desirable than sleep
when it eludes you.

What you describe must be
possible. We have had accounts of
women eating apples while being
made love to, also smoking, chew-
ing gum, reading the astrology
column in the paper and buffing
their nails. So why not fall asleep?

Dr. Ruth
Dr. Ruth Westheimer

People can fall asleep during the
excitement of a _ presidential
debate. Why not during sex?

If this happened while you were
travelling overseas, you have to
remember that jet lag, plus a long
day walking around museums and
other tourist sights, can be tiring.
Maybe she wanted to live up to
expectations on that second
honeymoon but weariness just
overcame her.

If you were doing anything
wrong, if there is a flaw in your
lovemaking, it may be this: Some
men do think that continuing in-
tercourse to marathon length, go-
ing for Olympic gold, is a sure way
to overwhelm a woman. In reality,
this can be self-defeating. This can
be boring and tiring for her, and if
she doesn’t become acutely un-
comfortable, it might send her to
sleep.

But something tells me that in
your case she was just tired.

Q. I met this guy and we became
friends. Next thing I know we are
out until 2 a.m. He wants me to
sleep with him; I said I did not
know him well enough. Since then
he hasn’t spoken to me. I really
like him. What should I do?
Should I sleep with him?

A. No, not that this bed-
oriented male is giving you a se-
cond chance. It is all wrong if he
just drops you like that because
you wouldn’t go to bed. You were,
of course, right to say no and to
want much more of a developed
friendship, or love, or relationship,
before going to bed with him.

I have reread your question and
something looks different on the
second reading. ‘‘] met this guy
and we became friends.** When I
first read this, I thought you had
become friends over a reasonable
period. How long did it take for

you two to become friends? Fif-
teen minutes? An hour? Was the
first meeting the one when sud-
denly you were out to all hours?
Friendship takes longer :han that
to develop.

I believe in no sex on a first
date. In general, not on the second
date, either. How prohibitive
about this do |] get? At least — at

the very least — not on the first
date.

Anyway, you were right to say
no. And don’t sleep with anyone
to hang on to him. Some guys fade
away when you say no. Some fade
away after you say yes and have
sex. Sometimes this is the same
guy, and the one you are talking
about sounds like it.

Q. I have been going with a guy
for a few months and finally he
has kissed me. I thought he'd
never get around to it. I have to
ask to get a kiss, even though the
ice has been broken. It is only a
peck when I get one. I'd like to be
more physical with him — what
can Ido? He’s 21 years old.

A. Let me say right away that he
does not have to be homosexual.
Some men, at whatever age, get in-

to the habit of going around witha ;
woman but not to Lovers’ Lane or |

her place or his.

In his mind, this probably is fill-

ing the time until something big

happens to him romantically with :

some other woman.

A. No. Some people just never
de it or stop for long periods. If
you are wondering about yourself,
please understand that there is no

Maybe he likes you, maybe he | @

depends on you for company, fe-
male comfort and support, but
thinks Ms. Right is waiting down

the road for him. He is afraid of *

getting into anything more roman-

tic, sexy or committing than that |

light peck on the cheek.

And then he may really be |
homosexual and using you as part |
of his cover. That doesn’t mean he ;
doesn’t like you. Just not in that ©

way.

Q. Is sado-masochistic behavior
between a husband and wife OK?

A. Some peopie say that is what
marriage is all about, but as you
know, I am mostly up and positive
and believe im good communica-
tion, good sex and being happy.

Some couples argue ali the time
‘and have good sex. The arguing is
their conversational style. They en-
joy it. It gets the juices flowing. I
don’t endorse this. I observe it.

Sado-masochism is a kind of
behavior in which sexual arousal
and pleasure is linked to giving and
receiving pain or humiliation.
When this is agreeable to both
partners and there is no real harm
done — in short, when the fantasy
aspect is the main thing — there
seems to be no harm.

But lately there have been such
horrifying accounts of sadistic
murder and so much about wife-
battering, it only seems righi to
caution against the danger of fan-
tasy violence becoming real
brutality.

Your question clearly shows
some doubt or fear in your mind.
If you are worried about tenden-
cies you see in yourself or your
marriage, it would be best to con-
sult a marital counsellor or
psychotherapist.

If your partner’s behavior seems
harmful or frightening, you don’t
have to accept it. Ask for a
change, with or without counsell-
ing or therapy, and consider
seriously the alternative of leaving
your partner.

Q. I have read, not only in your
column but in other newspaper
columns, that masturbating is
normal. In that case, is it abnor-
mal not to masturbate?

natural law requiring you to
masturbate, and not masturbating
does not endanger your health or
your sexual future. Misinforma-

tion about this says that it is harm-
ful on the one hand and absolute-
ly necessary on the other. Neither
is true.

An important

decision for
West Vancouver

On Saturday, Nov. 19, West Vancouver voters have an
opportunity to make an important decision on a part of

a

their community's future.

At issue is the future use of the 3.5 acre (1.6 hectare)
parcel of land on the southeast corner of Taylor Way

and Marine Way.

Should the site be used to generate revenue for the
municipality? If so, do you favour residential highrise

use?

The answers to these questions will have a major
impact on Council decisions and a significant effect

on future municipal financing.
PROPOSED USE

Every Council since 1981 has concluded that highrise
development on the site, adjacent to a major shepping
centre, would result in the best combination of open
space and revenue for the municipality.

A proposal by Newcorp Properties would see two
apartment buildings containing 196 condominium
units and a restaurant constructed on the site.
Approximately 90 per cent of the site would be
landscaped open space with almost one half for public

use.

An independent traffic study concluded the
development would result in minima! impact on the

Taylor Way intersection.
ECONOMIC IMPACT

The current proposal involves pre-paid lease payments
of over $10 million to the municipality during the
initial development period which, if re-invested, would

generate a minimum of $1 million a year to be used
for municipal purposes.

A (urther $125,000 a year, partially adjusted for

inflation, would be paid over the remainder of the 99-year
lease. Property taxes and other revenues such as

development cost charges would be in addition.

(Development cost charges alone would bring the
Municipality approximately $600,000.)

WHAT YOUR VOTE MEANS
The Municipality has entered into an agreement to
lease with Newcorp Properties.

If the referendum passes, it will be a direction to
Council to proceed wiih the agreement.

Officer at 922-1211.

On Saturday, Nov. 19, 1988

make sure your voice is heard

It the referendum is defeated, it will be a direction to
Council to withdraw from the agreement. In the case of
withdrawal, there would be a significant toss of annual
renis, taxes and fees plus the over $10 million in
pre-paid lease payments to the Municipality. In addition,
Newcorp may take legai proceedings which could result
in financial liability to the Municipality.

BROCHURE PBETAILS ISSUE

A brochure detailing all retevant information on
this issue will be delivered to each household prior
to election day. Should you wish clarification or
additional information, please call the Returning

ff you wish to inspect the project site, please
contact the Planning Department at 922-1211. The
Municipality wil be pleased to arrange a tour.

The Corporation of the District of West Vancouver

750 17th Street
West Vancouver, B.C. V7V 3T3