B-Weanesday, July 30, 1980 - North Shore News

QUESTION: [ve — just
recently started to cope with
a jolting experience I had a
few months ago, on my 43rd
birthday. I'd like to tell you
about it and ask you a
question. Since I got out of
my early twenties, I have
had a lot of satisfaction in
life. Almost every aspect of
my life has gone well.
Happily married, father of
“one of each”, good health,
better than average job,
church-goer, nice home, no
big worries and, in short,
everything is just great.
Then, the jolt.

Some friends who are
academic types invited me to
a seminar for sociology
professors and graduate
students. (I am not either). I
felt lost and out of my depth.
But a phrase I heard over

and over séemed to stick )

with me. I don't even know
the context in which it was
used, but it had to do with
“making a contribution to
humanity’.

The jolt I mentioned was
in my suddenly becoming
aware that I was not “making
a contribution”, nor had I
ever given a thought to it!! I

QUESTION: A year or so
ago a friend of mine told me
I was paranoid. I didn't
know too much about the
meaning of the word, but
what I did know about it
didn’t seem to apply to me
and I didn’t take seriously
what he had said. But it
made .me curious and I've
done some reading about it
since. I'm beginning to sce
that he fs probably quite
right about me. There's no
douht about it that different
people are trying to shaft me
at work. I don’t have any
real proof of that, but it sure
looks that way. Isn't it true
that if 1 feel that way then I
am paranoid? What can I do

sages

the move.

think you could say that I
have just coasted along in
life and everything has come
my way.

I have not given any
thought to the purpose of it
all. I've just enjoyed it. I feel
now, almost instinctively,
that I should be making
more of a contribution, and I
also feel rathet stupid about
never really thinking about it
before.

How does one go about
“making a contribution to
life” at the ripe old age of 43
when one finds the concept
utterly new? I don’t want to
be some sort of “volunteer”.
What Fm thinking of goes
deeper than that. How do I
make my contribution to
life?

STEWART: You. have been
making your contribution,
apparently without knowing
it — and that’s, the best way!
You have not been trying to
be a saint or a saviour of the
world, but have simply lived
your life well. To have a
happy wife and kids, and all
the other goodies you Listed,
suggests strongly to me that

about being paranoid?

STEWART: I get terribly
steamed up over amateur
psychologists who appoint
themselves as diagnos-
ticians! You have listened to
two of fhem — the guy who
first put the label on you,
and now, yourself. There is
every likelihood that both of
you are wrong. So, your first
step is to disown the label.
Even if both of you were
right, your choosing to wear
the label is of no help
whatsoever, in fact, doing so
is likely to encourage you to
perform like (you think) a
paranoid person = should
behave. Choosing to wear

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rying to ‘contribute’

you have contributed a lot.

But now comes the ex-
citing lure to a life of even
more contributing. You ask,
“How do I make my con-
tribution to life?”. .Without
being facetious, may I
suggest you just keep on
keeping on? To be as
completely and _ totally
oneself as possible is the way
to make the contribution
that best suits YOU.

The seed of a giant red-
wood tree need not ask,
“How do I make my con-
tribution to life?”. It simply
grows and becomes a giant
redwood tree. So it is with
you and me and all of us
funny human beings. The
best gift you can make is in
being you, without pretence
and without concentrating
on some reward.

You have reached a new
platueau in your emerging,
in which you are drawn into
even more complete living.
Keep saying ‘yes’ to that lure
and let yourself become
totally given to life. Strange
language that — but my
hunch is that you understand
it.

Don’t accept paranoia

the label locks you into the
experience of living up to the
label.

If the people at work are
“trying to shaft you”, there is
something constructive you
can do about it. If you are
just imagining they = are
trying to shaft you, there ts
sull something constructive
you can do about it. In either
case, the experience can be
helpful to you and you can
be grateful for it. But if you
emotionally accept” the
diagnosis of a couple of rank
amateurs, your chances of
finding creative directions to
take in moving towards a
more mature and useful way
of life are certainly lessened

I want to be on the pill. I
have not gone to bed with

anyone so far, but I have

come awfully close to it. I
don't want to yet, but I might
get swept away, and I sure
don’t want to get pregnant.
Lots of my friends are
making out and J guess it’s
natural that I will too one of
these days. Doesn't it make
sense for me to be on the
pill?

STEWART: If you are going
to be sexually active, and
you do not want to become
pregnant, then it makes
sense. There’s another thing
you can do that you might
want to consider. It is based
on a pretty mature idea of
what sex is all about. If you
have a fairly intelligent
concept of sex, you might
not need the pill until you
feel very decisive and very
happy and very mature
about choosing to use it.
Your letter points up two or
three aspects of sex that
need your evaluating.

You say you don’t want

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“swept away”. True.
may. Sex is like that. You
say lots of your friends are
sexually active, and, so, you
probably will be too. True.
‘You may. Sex is like that.
Most young people see sex
as a fun thing. True. It may
be. Sex is like that too. So, in
seeing sex as it is, you see it
as fun, almost a fad, and
something that might sweep
you off your feet.
‘ -
Consider this: making love
is also a magnificently
majestic experience. It is
profoundly related to one’s
deepest self. It is also

beyond any method of
worth-evaluation that has
yet been devised. It is a
profoundly intimate per-
sonal fulfillment. It has a
great deal to do with who
you are and who you are

‘becoming. So, as a treat to

yourself, decide about, the
pill on the basis of some of
your best thinking. For you,
it might make sense to get on
the pill — right now. Or, it
may be something you want
to prepare for and get ready
for, because it has to do with
one of the great joys of life,
and it deserves something
more than just “making out”.
Want to slow it down a bit?®

Weather or not

QUESTION: ve been
hearing quite a few people

who say they think our weird ;

weather this spring and
summer has been caused by
Mt. St. Helens. At first I
thought they were joking,
but I'm wondering if there's
something to It. What do you

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a few things that I never

eally wonder about at all.

One of them is the weather.
“Mine not to reason why”,
mine just to remember

where my umbrella is.

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