"idea

attonahipe. ‘and also in my

friendships because it seems --

“awfully ‘important to me to
be the one in control. I may
' have -been like ‘this all my
life, but I have only seen that
tendency in my relationships
quite clearly f in the last two
years. -

aL am : not ‘handling te very

; “well. That is; see what I am
~. doing” and _ I see that isn’t
- good, but. continue to boss

_ poeple or get them to do”
“things my way. Right now, .
while Tm writing, I can see

that what I've done when
“people won't follow my way

’ fs“fust to sort’ of back off ..-

“from. them and leave them

; “alone. a

watt really WANT to be’
“inet that, but it’s almost as if

rm made that way.. Thave all

QUESTION: £ ama member’
Of ‘a. social clab.of 20 or so”

members ‘and one of our -

‘members. drives me. up the
wall. She has the weirdest
way of ‘coming across quite

negatively about things she fs

agreeing to so positively!
That sounds crazy so I'd
better give you an instance.
Someone will present an
for discussion.
Something — to do with ea
future program event. Our
friend thinks it's really a
great idea, she SAYS. Then,
as soon as some others ‘speak
Positively about the idea and

_.. forap ippointm

on Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart 1 ay be reached at.

ents for individual, family or group
Office in the International Plaza.
convenience of North Shore residents.

*

ng ‘sorts of ways to-get people to

knuckle down to me.

friends and “loved ones,
although some of them may
not notice what fs going on, I
am continually working at

manipulating them so that I. .
. get my. way: ‘with them.

Now. as si say, 1 have tried
hard to improve, but don’t

© \seem to be. making much

headway. I think I need to

‘see more clearly .WHY I am

like that.so that I don't just
keep on doing the same old

-Ie’s almost.as if I NEED to
be in control. Why is that?

STEWART: At some point
in your evolving as a person.
_you must . have become

How to deal wii

‘we. are just. about ready to
‘agree on it, or perhaps even
AFTER we have agreed,

_ then she starts saying things ©

like, “Don't get me wrong, I
think it's a really good idea,
at least in theory, but I don't
really think it ts going to
work.”

Then she goes on to ex-
plain why this great idea
won't work “in our club”, or
won't work “out here on the
coast”, and then ends up
with, “But even so, I think
‘we should try it, all we can
do is fail, or we might even
do well”.

otel (Open THESTOSS Fs ont) is or the” :

" With Kids, I.boss them. At |
work, I make the rules. With

‘of us experience. at one. time
or another. At the time, with
., the’ amount of awareness you
- then had, it probably seemed
_to.be your wisest choice.

But now you are beginning
to see that there are.un-
_ doubtedly better options
available to you and new
choices for you to make. I
must say you are in an ex-
citing place in your growth.
You have come to sense that
your efforts to wield power
over others simply does not -
give you enough. You want -

. More meaning in your life

and more. rewarding

relationships.

When I say you may be
“hooked,” _ you may be

prompted to see this-way-of—

yours as an addiction that is

You ‘have no idea the
negative feeling she leaves

us with, What can -be done -

about such a positively
negative person? ©

STEWART: Perhaps you
can help your president see
that she has an opportunity
and a responsibility to en-
courage the voicing of all
negative viewpoints, or
opposing viewpoints before
a vote is put to the mem-
bership and that after the
vote is taken further
discussion will not be en-
tertained.

know | ‘you
sometimes and’ I don't want

_to get hooked. into coun-
Selling just now, or even 2 into

doing a test.

STEWART: Relax. I'm not t
‘much of a hooker, if you'll

pardon the expression.

shackling. you, rather than a
rewarding experience. If you
perceive it in that way, you

will see that your addiction.

to power has become a
power over YOU! R's new

‘choice time! You have said -

you want a change, so you.
are already moving away

“from -your. power: struggle. -
_What will your new. choice .-
be? What will. you: choose, -

instead of trying to change

other people and... control. wo

_them?

Whatever your choice, I

‘hope it will include your

decision to E THE
CHANGE. YOU | ANT TO
SEE HAPPEN IN

YOURSELF, and an end to
the old manipulation-of-
others —thing —that
bothered you so.

hnegativism

In a ‘social club, a clear- .

cut majority vote should be
honored. and ‘respected,
although, naturally anyone

_who spoke against and voted

against the proposal may
feel free to withhold active
support of something he
opposed.

It is equally important for
such a person to see that
Opposition to the majority
decision tends to develop an
atmosphere of dissension
and should be avoided in the
interest of fairplay and the
healthy evolving of the club.

Doesn’t want to be a quitter

QUESTION: I tried so hard
to get a job and now that I’ve
got ic I just KNOW it fs all
wrong for me. I should never
have started it. But I hate to
resign because I don’t want
° be a quitter. What should
o?

A ‘suck’

QUESTION: I was going to
cut my long long hair last
week but another guy in our
gang came up with his cut
quite short. Now, if I get
mine cut, I'll be called a
sack, What's to do?

STEWART: If you had acted
one day sooner and got your
hair cut first, you'd probably

_ have been called a grand-

stander.

ARE you a suck or a
grandstander? If so, that's
YOUR business isn’t it. If
you are NOT, it doesn't

STEWART: If you need the
money, or feel a respon-
sibility to your boss, hang in
there and do as good a job as
you can while you are there.
Meanwhile, look hard for
something to do when you

matter WHAT you. are
called because YOU know

you are just a guy who wants
his hair cut.

Why hide

QUESTION: At the barber
where I go there are always a
bumch of magazines on the
table just like tn any barber
shop. Some of them ere old

and some, new. But that's mot
the point. 1 noticed a while

back, while I was walting my

turn, that a fellow came in
and asked for Penthouse and

reer free to quit unis job that |

is “all wrong” for you.

We've been told, “if at
first you don't succeed, try,
try again.” Perhaps you can
turn this job into a winner if
you don't quit on it too soon. |

or a grandstander?

When others label you for
cutting it or not cutting it,
that’s their problem — not
yours. Let them put their

the barber reached away
back on a high shelf and
handed ft over. Since then
I've noticed that's the
procedure. If you want
Penthouse or Playboy you
have to ask for ft. How
come? Are they banned or
something or docs the
barber just wamt to keep
track of who reads those

We've also been told, “If
at first you don’t succeed,
quit!" Sometimes it is
MUCH more courageous
and wise to quit than to “try,
try, again.” Never back away
from quitting if to quit is
“right” for you. .

labels on-you if they feel that
need, but it’s the label YOU
put on yourself that really
maticrs.

the magazines?

magazines? Do you un-
derstand what's going on.
STEWART: Not for sure.
Why not ask the barber
instead of me? It may be he
is not so interested in who
teads the magazines as who
doesn't read them. I imagine
he's just not making them
easily available to kids.
Sound logical? |

QUESTION: What: ts your or peisonality, although 1 ra do
- considered: opinion.
psychological - ” personality”

of. _USE:, _thém. ..

AS. a. “matter of fact, Im
not too keen on “tests” that
have to do with temperment .
power struggle that 'so' many ____ :

yen em

has —

selectively. re

totally ~ unin-
in administering

selling experience.

called’ the*Taylor-Johnston

a Temperament | Analysis. A -

person using it is. taking
advantage of an - available
tool... created
searching - person’ a. more

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“useful” 2. understanding. s. ‘of.
in himself.
other words, © .when -1 feel. ~
they may be appropriate for

~ a~ particular= = sclient:I--have-: --
-- come ‘to know fairly well.'I-
am almost
~ teresfed

“tests” apart from a coun-

‘It also pinpat the : ‘areas _

of > ‘that: “tem-

would be: ‘most rewarding. A.

bonus value’ As available. to
persons | who ‘repeat: ‘the test .

oné or: two’ years later and
consider’. the “meaning: of
changes. that . are’ registered
on their new ‘Profile.

Tests sometimes can: serve

“some people . “when ‘ad-.
“ministered” by:

“some
professionals, ‘but - they are
not to. be worshipped! .

Nay
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