pretty ‘widely accepted by
‘teen-agers, (Tm one of them)
but I want to beef about one
part of that system.

My. parents call it “going
steady.” I think it’s crazy to
start when you are about 4
years old to have ‘a
‘friend. And I think it's just as
crazy when you're 14 to 17 to
have a girl that-is your one-
and-only until you break up
with her and then start off

QUESTION: Ive faust about
had it at home and really
think I'll have to get out a
make a go of It on my o

- That's what Id like to do,

because [ am sure not
homes ee very well at

home.

But I think of leaving

home as heing a pretty
important step and I don’t
know whether to cut things
off or not:-Forgot to tell you
Lam an 18 year old male.

I really Hike both my
parents and my sister (she's
older than me) but they seem
to think they have to look
after me and protect me and
I really don’t need any more
of that.

They are not really bossy,
but have a way of letting me

know what they expect of

me and how they want me to
live. Do you think I should
get out?

STEWART: You certainly
should - someday. But right

without any of them
‘they are Number One?

And it works the_ other
way too. What's the sense of

Feels overprotected

now seems a bad time
a of three things you
sai

First, you said, “I think Pl
HAVE to get out” and
second, ' that you “don’t
know whether to cut things
‘off or not”, and third, “I'm

not handling things well at”

home.”

You'd better choose to
stay on and find a way to
leave when it feels right for

' you (not something you
_ HAVE to do).and find a way

to leave without “cutting
things off.”

\_ It's only right and proper
for you to get out on your
own soon, and your parents
undoubtedly see that. So
start getting ready for it.

Start “handling things”
better at home. Set a time a
few months off and prepare
for the big event. See if you

can’t talk it over with your ©

folks and your sister and
work things out so you and

‘relationships

girl having just one ho
frfend at a time? It's c boy -
tough on the girl and on the
guy to break up. But what's

to break up if you have a

whole bunch of ehs instead
of just one?

Tm for sood ‘sid tee.”
enterprise and one thing that

screws it is a system of .
monopolies. Can you get |
- whatPm screaming about? ‘

STEWART: Oh sure, i’ get it

and I join right in with your
screaming! For the ages you
talk about, there’s a lot to be

they will be happy about .

your decision. '—

During the time you are

‘still at home, practise how to

be on your ‘own by im-

proving the relationships at nn

home. Be sure you feel good
about YOUR part in the
family relationships and then
you will feel right about the
next step in your life - living
away from your parents.

If you do it that way, you
will be able to take with you
a knowledge that it will be
fun to keep up a good
relationship and to return for
visits on occasion. Please
don’t leave because you are
fed-up or defeated.

Get yourself un-fed-up,
and be a winner in your love
‘at home.
THEN will be. the time to

leave, although perhaps you

won't want to. In other
words - don’t “run.”

Act on your decision

QUESTION: Ive always
thought of myself as a
decisive person quite able to
make up my mind and to act
uccordingly. However, #2
year or so ago I was faced
with a decision that I haven't
made YET!

I feel sure that the reason J
have not done so is because
if I acted on the decision I
think is the right one for me,
J am almost certain another
person would be hart by i

am quite definite regarding
what I want to do. Bat I fust
don’t do ft because of this
other person.

That's bad enough, but a
side-effect that has me
worried is that since I have
taken so long in acting on my
problem, I am sure I am
getting more indecisive
about other matters too.

My main problem = is
related to a relationship I
have had with someone |
think highly of and respect,
bat with whom I mo longer

that
. something I am sure of,

want to entertain the thought
of living together. I just

her?) than following through
with your decision.

“Lnow” JI should not be with .

other person. It’s

Yet, the other
would be lost and devastated
if I followed my ianer voice
and broke up the
relationship. What should I
do? -

STEWART: You. have
already decided. What you
are wrestling with is AC-
TING on your decision. One
reason it is hard is because of
your dislike of hurting
another person.

Consider the alternative.
Suppose you ignore your
“inner voice” and continue
the relationship. You will be
doing something contrary to
your best self and therefore
bringing to that person
somconce less than total. You
would probably have to
pretend love. That would be
more hurtful to him (or is it

. hurta

)

Moreover, keep it in
mind, that your first
responsibility is to be true to
yourself. You are not
responsible for the results of
your following your inner
voice. Of course, you ARE
responsible for the results if
you, deliberately plan to
rson by your selfish
behaviour, but that is
another matter.

Say “yés” to yourself and
do not postpone sharing your
decision with the other
person. Do it firmly but as
graciously and thoughtfully
as you can.

It will hurt both of you
more if you waffle and hopo
the OTHER person will
make a decision that will
ease it for you. It's YOUR
thing. Do it now and well.

a

End of Love Principles?

QUESTION: By the thee this”

gets in the paper, you will
have made your “EVENING
WITH HAYDEN
STEWART” speech on
“Family Living Can be
Haxardouws to Your Heakh.”

Does that mean you are
finished whith your series on

the LOVE PRINCIPLES? I
thought there was to be one
more in May.

STEWART: You are almost
right! There ia to be one
more “EVENING WITH
HAYDEN STEWART”, but
it in scheduled for Sunday,
June 3. It will be in the

-BXPECTATIONS, *

International Plaza at 7:30 as
usual.

The two Love Principles
due for consideration are:
“HAVE NO SPECIPIC
BUT
RATHER, ABUNDANT

CONTINUED ON PAGE 38

t

“ask |
‘Hayden’

Freelance Counseilor
Ha may
ap,ointments for individual,
family or group counselling. '
His new office in the Plaza.
International

Tuesdays only) is tor the,
North Shore:

convenience _of
residents:

trusting your idea?

be
resehed at 261-6242 for. .

\

Page 37, May23, 1979 - North Shore News

_ said for THE MORE THE
MERRIER

°

van

‘I like your idea, but I'm :

sorry you think you would be
“stupid” to “buck
system”. Why not “be the
change you want to see
happen” and pay good at-
‘tention to the results of

-

Durilig the ‘ages you are

talking about, it seems to mé

the only time to have a one-

_ and-only girl friend is when

both.of you discover that it is
beginning to work out that
way because you both want

* “it. Even then, why should it’
'. bea big “decision”? Why

should it suddenly become
an

arrangement - or
agreement?
‘There i is one aspect of the

question you have raised
that may not have been in |
your mind, but it may be in’
the minds of the readers. I-
am referring to the heavy

the »

experiences with which kids:

are confronted-these days in
regard to sexual. relations.

If you can go by the young

‘people who come to me for

counselling, it is almost
always a hairy experience
for them to get into sexual
promiscuity. The are .
ALWAYS uptight about it.

So, when I said up above
that I was keen on THE
MORE THE MERRIER, I*
was speaking of good-friend
fun relationships and was mot
plugging for sexual track

records being attempted.

For good friends and
companions, THE MORE
THE MERRIER. But, in the
area of sexual relations,
especially at the ages you
mention, can you see it just

. HAS to be changed to THE

MORE THE HAIRY-ER!

It never seems to work ;
well. It. always brings hurts
and feelings of guilt and
failure.