“In thar direction,” the Cheshire Caz said, “lives a Haster; in that directie: a March Hare. Visit either if you like. They are both mad.” — Alice in Wondevtand. FOR the Hatter and the Hare, read govern- . ment and Statistics Canada, the subject for today again being the . 47-page bunch of balderdash known as the 1996 Survey of Family Expenditures. Not that it’s funny. If you tell them to bog off you can be put in the slammer for three months. Or fined $500. Or both. Dr. Scott Cornell of Lions Bay is one of 2,000 people in B.C, who have been told to fill out this mind-boggicr and he has provided me with the similar survey for 1992. Bur _ that one was voluntary. This one is compulsory. There are hundreds of questions. They wart to know everything about vou except whether you bought a donkey or how many con- doms your kids bought. Perhaps theyll get around to that later, It’s far worse than an income tax return and it would probably take a dummy like me three weeks to compiete it. Even then the “facts” would be false. There are 26 questions on Troubled by racial term Dear Editor: 1 found the “Racism rears head at Carson” heading for Ian Nobie’s Feb. 12 News story ironic. His use of the word mulat- to in the article would have been censidered racist itself by many people. “Mulatto™ was a socially constructed term that was generally applied te all mixed blacks in the pre-Civil War period without their consent. The term mulatto stems etymolegically from “mule.” Lake the nme tthe off- spring of a donkey and a horse), the mulatto was con: sidered a product of an unnatural union. One hundred and fifty vears on, in 1997, the term: com- monly accepted for any person with parents of different prima- ry racial identities is bi-racial. Let’s net see “Racism rears fead at North Shore News” Mr. Noble. household furnishings. Whar did you spend an books gases. wall units, room dividers? (Report firmiture 100 vears or more on Page 21 Q3 “Antiques.” ) On stainless stecl and other metal cableware and flanware? (Include table knives.) On food? Include meals bought for guests. Include purchases in restaurants, drive-ins, snack bars, catete- rias, iake-outs, mobile can- teens, ete. Incluue all taxes and tips. On booze? What was spent on beer, ¢.g., ale, lager, stout, purter, ete? (Report non-alcoholic beer in G.1) Whar was spent on alco- holic beverages purchased and consumed in bars, cock- tail lounges, restaurants, etc. (Inciude all taxes and tips.) Wine and cider? (Report non-alcoholic wine in Q.6-7.} There are 33 questions on how much was spent on ORME: eA LUPO HEE Ly BERL emia Le clothing by women and girls four years wad over: suits, incuding pant suits, blouses, shirts: beach wear, bathing suits and cover-ups. Men and bovs over four seta mere 29 questions. In Wednesday's column | wked that they would vant to know how pany haircuts you had. But tor StasCan, satire is reality, So they want to know what expenditures were made by vou and yours for wash. ing, curting and styling of men’s hair and women’s hair, e.g... Manicures, ranning salcus, facials, eyelash and nail services, de pilation. image consulting and sham- poos. (Include ups.) The transportation section is another winner. How much was spent on taxis. (Include tips.) Flow many trips did members of your household make away tram home? How many nights away from home? Did you buy any dolls, Protect yoursell Hire an experienced iCBC Claims Lawyer JOHN NOBLE 669-9755 Free House Cails ED IN. AR ACCIDENT Call DEREK A. CAVE Trial Lawyer Get the settlement =508, Kapilano 100 Building 100 Park Royal, West Van. you deserve. -7880 - — DRAPERIES & BLINDS BY S.LAURSEN & SON For Free Estimates call 987-2946 ded clothing, puppets or stutted tess What did vou spend) on cigarettes, cipars. Ciparillas. pipes? (include chewing tobacco and snutt., Many paves are devoted to vour financial status. Did vou Win 1 goverminent-run lorrery? A privately run loc tery? Yeah. [von a chicken at Chrisrmas! TP have never been much of a Osliever in our Consumer Price Index, which this StatsCan stutfis supposed to be in aid of. And from now on Fwon't believe in it at all. Mark Twain had it right: “There are three kinds of lies. Lies, damned lies and statis- tics.” Most people would not know the answers to half of these questions. They would have to make them up. Who would know what was spent on buttons? That ree Trial LOmbes amen GCE HAE Ser Vas. Buttons and les StamCan, Cart anvane stop this madness? Not only do we have the Canadian Jewish Congress, B’Nat Rath, and the NDP trying to deprive us of our tradituz:nal aghts ta free speech; not only de we have to grovel to bureaucrats; we now have to tell StatsCan how many buttons we bought. A couple of slow-witted academics say all this is excremely iseportant. One of That's eon brlosophw pros wats aie sabs tsa aw MIT ee Sects, bor the bloated Stareé an staff “y re “pe fe SEM Ges ET Nth sas we should nor get worked up over the survey. Ler’s hope Conrad Black gers ene. Dr. Corneil savs he wort submut to this nonsense. | would sav the same. A spell in jail wourd give me ume to read ail my hate mail. -— The North Shove News believes stron, ly in freedom of speech and the right of all sides in a debate to be heard. 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