No holiday for boneheads OH the pressure! The pressure! So Pm putung together aback page Siznals piece tur Friday's paper. Big deal. De it every week. But this ain’t no typi- cal Friday, is it? This is a Christmas Day issue. Fabricating: a tratfic col: wn with a cheery holiday theme is no smail feat. Add to that the face that deadline has been moved ahead a day ~~ two days if you take into account my own private definition of deadline — and I've got a real chore ahead of me. I mean, what's cheery and Christmasy abaur bone- head drivers? Where does one fit the word “bonehead” in a Yuletide column? (Right there, T guess.) Worse than all that, I haven’t even got my Christmas shopping done. Shoulda’t I be at the mall? (Guess not.) Fee! sorry for me, please. Ido. Let’s see, I could taik about that fact thar turkey dinners make one exception- ally sleepy and thar studies have shown thar sleepy dri- vers are more prone to car crashes than drunk drivers... But prognosticating doom on this cheery day doesn’t scem the theme appropriate. (Word count io this point: 185. Considering, thar [ usually throw a thau- sands words worth of drivel at my dear editor, I’ve gota ways to gO yer.) Maybe E could mention the fact that mulled wine and rum and eggnog are marvellous merry-makers but the cheery drive home from your Aunt’s Christmas feast should be left to some- one who didn’t get merry by mulled means. But that puts a pooper on the presence of presents and pleasant peacefulness produced by this particuiar period in time. Besides vou should know better: Don’t drink and drive. (Word count to this point: 280. Not good enough Shaun. Not nearly good enough. Oh, the pres- sure... Hey! There’s 2 few more words right there!) B.C.AM. - ARA. Signals Or maybe T could men- tion that the simple distrac- tion of Christmas Day and all it entails can be bae- ardous to drivers and pedes- trians alike. People arent prone to paying complete attention when there’s all this merry- ness in the air. Motorists: watch for dis- -tracted and inattentive pedestrians who might be considered boneheads on any other day of the year. Pedestrians: Watch tor distracted and inatteniive mororists who would be considered boncheads on any other day. Pretty lame column, el? Sorry about that. ’'m dis- tracted. I’ve got to go hop in my car, drive like a moron, park j like an idiot and get sume shopping dance. Hope you're having a wonderful Christmas, Pm probably still shopping as you read this. (Word count to this point: 415. Is that good cnough? A column fess than half the normal Size?) May be my editor will forgive me this one-time shortfal? Doubt its a good time to ask for a raise though. Paltry, paltry column. So small. So few words. Said nothing really. Just 2 bit of * babble on vaguely Christmas-refated driving dips and a bit of clever allit- eration that read really forced and definitely incon- sistent. Why run it at all? Well, someone’s got to pay tor those presents I’m about to buy. Might as well be the North Shore News. Hope they don’t use some psycho-babble drivel from the Save-the-Turkeys Foundation instead. Be safe. APPROVED CENTRE ae ALL MAKE COLLUSION REPAIRS “LIFETIME GUARANTEE” north shore news > AU TO Friday December 25. 1998 — North Shore News ~ 37 subaru should offer a cheaper Outback From page 35 above as standard cquipment, Personally, f would hike tu see a less expensive version with fewer features — cloth uphot stery instead of leather for 165 HP, 2.5L engine All wheel drive Auto transmission Four channel ABS Power moon roof example —- buc the Outback sedan ont comes one Way: loaded. There aren't many competitors for the Outback Sedan, but it's priced almost the same as the Audi AF 1.87 Quarters, although the Power windows, locks & mirrors Air canditioning Leather interior Heated seats/mirrors 80 watt, 6 speaker AM/FM cassette/CD 60/40 split rear seat Halogen fog lamps 15° alloy wheels and much mor2 D85984 The All New, Limited Edition 1°349 / month ® six speaker CD syatein « heated front seats « keyless camote entry * automatic climate control « 190 horsepower V6 * leather steoring wheel * traction controt * anti-lock brakes * 16" alloy wheels «3 speed automatic * all Laid hill * cruise contro! © sport suspension Rugged Good Locks, Technical Precision | 5399/ month A < anit on the iy tour wheal drive © alt terrain four whee! ABS °3.3 litre V6 engine ¢ sliver side stup ratis « crulsa cor-trol Subaru is better equipped Fourcovinder sport utiliiy veliches, such as the Suzuki Vitara, Chevrolet Yracker, Tovera RAV 4, Honda CR V, and perhaps even the Subaru Forester, may also be consid- ered potential campentors. It vou need a tour wheel drive vehicle but don’t want te sacrifice carlike ride and handling. vou can’t wet much more car-hke than the Outback Sedan. 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