@ — Friday, Nov. 27, 1992 - North Shere News

Initialism : living by the law of the letter

WELL, ENOUGH of these
trivial matters like en-
virczmental degradation
and sexism in the
workplace.

Let us tackle one of the truly
great injustices worthy of cur
social indignation.

Initialism.

**Huh?"’ you say.

“Ha!” I respond, a little
triumphantly. **You see, initialism
is so buried in the closet — I sug-
gest checking under that old pair
of unwashed YMCA socks behiad
your cardboard box of B.C.
Hydro bills — that you have never
heard of it.””

Yet I, and probably millions
more, are victims of initialism.

Countless raillions. In fact, we
are so far back in the closet that
‘we never get together and find out
ow many of us there are.

In my own case, I attribute my
reticence to the old Protestant
ethic of suffering in silence.

But it is time to at least turn the
closet doorknob, open the door a
crack, and utter a cry of pain to
an indifferent, if not actively
hostile, world.

We are a people of abbreviated
rights.

But enough bicating. Here is the
root of my stigma:

My mother, inspired by 1 know
not what, chose to name me
Robert Trevor Lautens.

t accepted this without murmur
at the time. Nor do I protest her
choice sow.

That full name has a certain
swing to it, even an aspiration to
distinction.

But my good mother, may she
rest in peace, did not foresee the
rise of the most malignant force
of our time.

The computer.

The cold, narrow, pitiless, in-
humane, and — let us call a spade
a shovel — ultimately sunid
computer.

1, and those countless millions
tike me, know it is stupid —
unteachably stopid — because it
cannot get our names right.

Not if we beiong to that sup-
pressed minority that must one
day march under the banner of
The People Called by Their Mid-
dic Names Liberation Front.

We arc the round pegs that
computer banks try to fit into the

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Trevor
Lautens

GARDEN OF BIASES

square holes of a repressive First
Names World.

Because no application form in
the civilized world makes proper
provision for those of us called by
anything other than our first
names.

And the ultimate maddening,
thing is when the computer liter-
ally renames us.

Yes, First Namers! You have no
idea.

Thus i, born Robert Trevor
Lautens, have many times been
renamed by some damned com-
puter as *‘Trevor R. Lautens.”

i have underlined the name
‘*Trevor’’ on the many, many ap-
plication forms mankind is re-
quired to fill out, under threat of
being ostracized by normal com-
merce. But that only confuses the
device.

A few years ago I rebeiled. |
got into one hell of a slanging
match with American Express.

Discovering that modern man,
or woman, cannot rent a car
without 2 credit card, { reluctantly
broke down and acquired this
particular instrument of the devil.

it was made out to ‘*Trevor R.
Lautens.””

It was noi easy to bear this op-
pressive initialism.

In fact, it actually required me
to commit fraud every time I
charged with the card — because I
was obliged to sign the name of
“Trevor R. Lautens,’” whoever
and wherever he was.

Every month, when the Ameri-
can Express bill arrived, | politely
corrected the name and sent it

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46 The ultimate maddening thing is

when the computer literally renames

us. 97

back.

It was polite at first, anyway.
Then it became insistent. Finally tr
was furious.

I ended up having a nasty ex-
change of Jetters with a vice-
president of American Express
over this card.

And, ever since, | have left
home without it.

Yet uying to correct the errors
of initialism may only lead to
greater frustration.

Such as f experienced with
CU&C Health Senices Sactety.

it picks up most of the dental
bills for our family, and I warmly
thank it for that.

But CU&C, like American Ex-
press, also renamed me *“Trevor
R. Lautens.”"

I tried to be more patient with
CUAC, in case they retaliated by
knocking my iceth out, or some-
thing.

After gritting the said tecth for
a long time, ! finally phoned and
very carefully, and perhaps even
with a masterful use of the lan-
guage, explained this error and
suggested a solution — ch
my computerized name to “‘R-.
Trevor Lautens.**

Whoever I talked to switched
me to somcone elce. Repeat. And
she sent me on £0 yet another per-
son. By that time, I had my lines
down pat.

I was assured that the change
would be made.

And so it was.

It was changed, believe it or
not, to: “*R. Trevor R. Lautens.””

CU&C’s computer had contriv-
ed to give me an altogether new
name, a fourth, mysterious name
represented by another “R.°°

Phone CU&C back? Are you
kidding, you smug First Namers?

You'd try to correct an outfit
that can’t figure out somebody's
name after three careful explana-
tions?

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You'd gamble that they
woukin’t change it to, say “*R.
Trevor R. Trevor?” Or, possibly,
with the cyrrent vogue for
hyphenated names, to “*R. R.
Lautens-Trevor?””

No thanks, I’ve dealt with the
fiendish CU&C computer and its
huraan, or inhuman, operators for
the last time.

They can fix my teeth and call
me anything they tike, as long as
they send a cheque.

Bat this is an cxarmpie of only
one form of initialism.

At onc time in my ihustrious

C. Smith sent in a letter, they
swripped his of his “*C.”
You can imagine what they did
to the byline of the well-known

‘Their rationale was that middie
initials are not only an affecta-
tion, but a peculiarly American

affectation — an import into our
pure Canadian usage that was
about as desirable as the Asian
gypsy moth.

Personaily, } could never un-
derstand this. 1f a man chooses to
style himself Gargoyle B. Whoop-
peecushion, whether to distinguish
himself from other Gargoyle
Whooppeccushions or out of some
harmless vanity, I don’t think his
name should be messed with by
man, computer, or journalist. He
owns it. Outright.

Yet candor compcis me to ad-
mit that some people are inviting
an initialist backlash.

I refer to those who write letters
to the editor, usually very indig-
nant and disproportionately on
issucs concerning women, signed
something like ‘‘F.Z. Hill.”’

In past times, those using onty
initials for their given names were
largely academics, school prin-
cipals, and businessmen.

‘Today they are almost in-
variably 24-year-old females ex-
ercising their constitutional right
to conceal their gender.

Conceding that this is a kind of
reverse initialism, 1 nevertheless
urge everyone whose identity is
being squashed by initialisra in all
its forms to join me in our
crusade.

Possibly under the banner: ‘‘We
Demand the Letter of the Law.””
Or possibly: ‘*...the Law of the
Letter.”

Now, turning to the West Van-
couver Memorial Library, which
has issued me a card bearing the
name “Robert Lautens...””

The Select Standing Committee on forests, Energy,
Mines, and Petroleum Resources has been authorized by
the Legislative Assembly of British Columbia to examine,
inquire into and make recommendations with respect to
the availabiiity of lumber to rernanufacturers in British
Cotumbia, and in particular, to consider:

1) the lumber supply requirements of the
remanufacturing sector, and

2) the baniers or impediments to increasing the
supply of fumber to the remanufacturing sector.

The Commitice wou!d like to hear your views on these
matters through a series of public meetings being held
throughout the province. These meetings are intended to
provide the Members of the Committee and the public an
Opportunity to engage in formal and informal discussions
about all aspects of lumber suppiy to remanufacturess.
Public meetings wili be held in the following locations,
on the following dates in 1993, 1:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.:

Monday, january 11

Wednesday, january 27

To appear before the Committee, to determine meeting
facilities in your area, or for further information,
please contact:

Mr. Craig James

Clerk of Committees

and Clerk Assistant

Room 224 - Parliament Buildings
Victoria, British Columbia

VBV 1X4

Mr. Corky Evans, MUA,
Chairperson
Mr. Ed Conroy, MLA
Deputy Chairperson

Tetephone: (604) 356-2933 (collect)
Facsimile: (604) 356-8172