46 ~ Wednesday, April 26, 1989 - North Shore News Dump two-timing boyfriend asap. Q. A GUY I used to go with wants me to continue having sex with him, alternating with his new girlfriend. He claims he loves both of us and wants to have sex with us both. He also thinks that someday we will seriously be together. Should I have sex with him or force him to decide — her or me? A. OK, readers of over 100 newspapers in the U.S., Canada and around the world, what is Dr. Ruth going to say to this reader? ! ask this so that thousands of you can feel smart that you passed this hard test. Big surprise, the answer is don’t Dr. Ruth Dr. Ruth Westheimer have sex if you believe he is having it with this other woman. If you do believe he is having sex with her, you still don’t know who else is having it with him, or who else she is having it with, and you are very, very possibly in touch with a lot of people who are at risk of having every sexually transmitted disease you ever heard of. Not just AIDS but herpes and all the rest. Now, about love. Maybe he does love both of you, but what good is that for you? What kind of a wiseguy thinks a woman is so humble and hopelessly enslaved by him that she will buy his loving both her and the other woman? I know you don’t buy it, or you wouldn’t be asking me about it. So what should I do? I say don’t have sex with this guy at all, even if he agrees to have it only with you, whic coming from him would no doubt be a lie. Tell him, ‘‘This other woman, poor thing, she loves you, she is dying to have you to herself — have sex with her. And if you can’t forget me, pre- tend it’s me when you do have sex.’? Then head out and find a whole guy all for yourself. GQ. What should I do to make my man love to have sex with me and no one else? I don’t know anything much about sex. I think I have done something wrong, because sometimes my man is not interested in having sex with me. A. I think you have to become more informed about sex — how to make it more pleasurable for both of you, not just for him — and also more about how individ- uals, both men and women, feel about having sex. Most people do want sex, do enjoy having sex, but do not always want is have it just when their partners think it would be a good idea. You ask too much of him, asking him to want it every time ycu do. I think you are right to want to make your man’s sex life with you good so that he enjoys it and wants to go on having it with you. But if you want a real man who actually has sex only with you, look for one who can control himself, who believes in being faithful to his one woman. Q. Do you believe that a per- son’s first sexual experience shapes or affects that person’s future sex- ual relationships? A. I don’t want anyone to get the idea that some magical mark for better or worse is put on any- one’s sexual future by one initial sexual experience, good, bad or indifferent as it may be. In the right circumstances, two lovers having their first shared sex together should provide a sweet intimacy and something to remember fondly. Tha: it will be the sensual high point of their lives is unlikely. Mentally handicapped helped Froin page 45 the group home may stay for years, others may leave after only six months. Said Fisher: ‘‘We don’t pressure anyone to move on, but we en- courage them when they are ready. People do move on. People with mental illness can get on with their lives.”’ While at the group home, resi- dents are encouraged to be active in the community, either by atten- ding support programs or by par- ticipating in outings. In the home, residents help with the house GAREERS THAT TAKE YOU PLACES A work! of excitement is yours when you train with as. Work iw hair fashion, here and abroad. in Hilms or TY. Leam trom top notch intemational instructors ina dynamic atmosphere that brings out your best. Then get set to go pkices! chores and meal preparation. Society coordinator Valerie Verschueren emphasizes that the society is not resting comfortably on the laurels of past accomplish- ments. While the society has come a long way in making available community housing options for the mentally handicapped, the demand for more housing is ever present. Verschueren looks to the future: “The government is committed to funding an apartment for us. The possibiliies are there. We just have to come up with a location.’’ LIFESTYLES Capilano College cordially invites all members of the community to join in a celebration of 20 years of "Growing with our Community” at the Spring Tea on Sunday, April 30 in the B Building Courtyard from 2 - 4 p.m. Take a tour of the grounds to see the campus in bloom, enjoy refreshments, and be entertained by College musicians. os xy (ISON Ny Na) aN NEWI@K PATTERNS Fioras Abstracts rezone |g © REGULAR 3.99 EACH EACH N | UNTIL APRIL SOTH DETAILS AT GOLD’S FABRICS Regular 3.99 MI VW PRIC While Quantities Last STORE HOURS Mon.-Fri. 9:30-9 Sat. 9:30-6; Sum. 12-5