4 - Friday, June 11, 1993 - North Shore News

Encouragin

Trevor
LLG Rs

GARDEN OF BIASES

HAVE I done enough for
my fellow man lately? !
doubt it.

I put aside whether f’ve done
enough for my fellow woman. I'm
not sure if I’m capable of having
a fellow woman. 1 can’t solve
every problem. 1’ff leave this one
to the Language Police.

Meanwhile, [ want to fix up
Lions Gate Bridge.

Structurally? No. ! trust the ex-
perts who say it’s safe, and I
believe those who say it isn’t. It’s
good to hedge your bets.

No, I want to bring good man-
ners and good sense to the traffic
flow over the bridge.

Perhaps this can be done only
at gunpoint. I’m prepared to ac-
cept that.

_4if the bridge collapses some
day, I want to go down into the
icy waters politely and intelligent-
ly. ;

At present there are many
morons on that bridge.

And the authorities — the traf-
fic people, the guys who decide
what signs to put up and what
they say, and the police — aren’t
doing enough. .

Let’s look at my plan rational-
ly, shall we? Including the
penalties I propose for violators.

I will be methodical.

South End: This end of the

bridge is complicated during the
afternoon rush — and we don't
give a damn about things st other
times of the workday — by the

fact that there are two north-
bound lanes on Georgia Street, and
a third, buses-only lane that drops
that restriction at the funny corner
where Hastings and Chilco join in
the fun. Clear?

A couple of hundred yards
(metres) further on, the causeway
begins, and there are two (deux,
in our other official language)
lanes of traffic, one lane having
peeled off to go through Stanley
Park for God (le bon Dieu) knows
what nefarious reason at that time
of day. Still clear?

Of course. You travel that
bridge. And you know the prob-
lem.

In that couple of hundred
yards, the road (strada — Italian)
widens to four lanes, and every
queue-jumping, accelerator-
stomping, hog-stealing SOB of a
tosspot in creation assembles there
and flogs the bejesus out of his
car to z00m past everyone and
prove his virility.

And then elbows back into the
lineup, ignoring the solid white
line and the feeble warning that he
is in the Stanley Park lane and is
doing something naughty.

I would change the sign. lt
would read:

“ACHTUNG! ZEIS
FURSCHTINKEN DRIVERS
VOS KROSSEN ZEIS
VITELINEN UND TRINEN
GETTEN ZEBACK IN ZIE
LINEUPEN AIS FACEN Ex-
TERMINATINUNG IN-
STANTEN!”’

This mild advice wili be backed
by the provision of swivel
flame-throwers mounted precisely
for this purpose, on the hoads of
all cars driven by the patient,
courteous and law-abiding drivers
in the two proper lanes.

A few burning hulks at the side

‘of the road could contribute much

to solving this problem.

It would also provide deep
satisfaction bordering a tran-
scendental experience for the
many decent residents of the
North Shore.

Multiple fraud charges
net three-year sentence

A 25-YEAR-OLD Burnaby man was recently jailed for
three years in connection with defrauding $29,691.63 from

the social service and housing ministry.

Charlos Gwazah was originally
charged with
defrauding the provincial ministry
and causing people to use forged
documents.

The charges stemmed from in-
cidents that occurred between Oct.

1, 1991 to Dec. 31, 1992 and Jan. '

28 and Feb. 17, 1993.

Gwazah pleaded guilty to six
charges. Other charges were
stayed.

The forged documents involved
included:

@ Acknowledgement of Intent to
Claim Refugee Status forms;

@ G.A.LN. applications;

@ Appointment and Enquiry
forms;

® rental receipts.

The fraud was conducted in
New Westminster, Port Moody,
Surrey and ‘‘elsewhere‘‘ in Van-
couver, ,

In two stayed charges, the
frauds were alleged to have occur-
‘red in North Vancouver City and
North Vancouver District.

Gwazah entered Canada_from

PARNGP aC | «

[Hen Goering sg)

19 counts of

By Anna Marie D’Angelo
News Reporter

South Africa.

The - forged refugee claimant
forms indicated South Africa was
the country of origin.

Gwazah is required to pay the
social service and housing ministry
compensation of $29,691.63.

Judge Jerome Paradis sentenced
Gwazah in North Vancouver pro-
vincial court on Wednesday, June
2.

dulie Karlsen
| would like to take this
opportunity to invite all my friends
and clients to call or visit me at
my new location. New clients also
welcome.

ly SHEAR

< WEST HAIR STUDIO

Y 926-0068
1425 Marine Drive, West Van

Village Square

janners at gunpoint

North End: Other than the fact
that four lanes snake into two at
this end of the bridge in the
morning rush, it must be said that
experienced and intelligent drivers
handle this situation admirably
well,

They do not need Jarge, flashing
Signs to urge them to merge alter-
nately, thus smoothly getting them
to work (/e travail or pleasure as
expeditiously as the antiquated
bridge allows.

This is one of the few examples
of how communistic cooperation
can really work.

Ah, but later in the day —
that’s when the bloody numb-
brained amateurs come out.

Some are of ancient vintage. |
see white-haired old men driving
12-year-old Buicks across the
bridge at 11 a.m., determined to
keep grimly on the tail of the car
ahead and treating those in the
Other Hineup like interlopers.

| advise that an appropriate sign
be placed, at least on the West
Vancouver ramp, reading:

“NOW, SEE HERE,
FELLOWS, THIS IS A BIT OF
A BOTHER, WOT? BUT YOU
CAN SAVE YOURSELF AN
AWFUL LOT OF GRIEF
AHEAD BY SIMPLY TAKIN
YOUR TURN, AND
EVERYTHING WILL BE PIP-
PIP. AND HAVE A JOLLY
GOOD DAY, WON'T YOU?
CHEERS.”’

Any driver still violating the
rules after this warning will face a
severe penalty.

A large pot of Earl Grey tea
will be placed a short distance
beyond the merging point, and
will automatically be upended

over the miscreants vehicle. He
will be severely taunted, if still
alive, by other drivers.

If che violator is an immigrant,
and I regret to say some violators
are, he or she will be returned to
the country of origin without ap-
peal.

There is a final violation almost
too disgusting to describe ina
family paper.

This is the unrehabilitated creep
from society's dunghills who
blasts past West Vancouver morn-
ing traffic and airily-fairily takes

the buses-only ramp on to the
bridge.

Under ny plan, the police will
be waiting for him.

They will remove him from his
car, which will often be red and
have a lot of letters and numbers
like XZ-369-FO advertised on it.

The police will produce
revolvers,

They will force the driver to
watch as his tires are shot. One,
two, three, four.

He's next.

MAE AS agen nf fool tat Oe

RE/MAX
West Realty Group

“What can a Reaitor do for you?”

Selling tomes is a Realtor’s
profession. Every day Realtors
help people get what they
want: A sale at the highest
possible price. A sale that will
Close at the right time.

A professional Realtor will help
create the maximum oppor-
tunity for you through effective
advertising and a source for
information. He or she can let
you know what competition
you are up against, qualify
buyers and negotiate the
price, terms and conditions of
a contract.

Viewfinder,

* REMOTE CONTROL INCLUDED!
* 80-minute recording on a single tape!
° NEW 10:1 Zoom Ratio

A Realtor can also show you in
advance what you will net from
a sale; you should know that
before you make your decision
to sell.

You have got a lot invested in
your home, It makes good
sense to list with a Realtor.

For professional advice on all
aspects of buying or selling
real estate, talk to Don
Boychuk “The Real Estate
Man” at RE/MAX West Realty
Group.

can be played |
ack in your << ||
home ve |