54 — Wednesday, November 9, 1988 — North Shore News LIFESTYLES N APHRODISIAC BOLERO iS NOT NECESSARILY A Q. DOES [IT help to play slow music in the background while making love? A. Slow music for slow lovemaking? That sounds good and it inay be good for many pairs of lovers, but probably not for hard-rock addicts. No doubt music has an aphrodisiac effect on most people, and this goes with the use of danc- ing to a favorite kind of music as part of courtship or extended foreplay. Having music on the stereo as you move on into more specific lovemaking can help keep the mood. Women in particular report that rhythmic, repetitive sounds such as the sound of ocean surf help con- centration during lovemaking. This can be mind-sound, totally imag- ined by the woman, or background music such as you suggest. Part of the folklore of music as an aphrodisiac is about the first playing of Ravel’s ‘‘Bolero”’ at a concert in Paris, which was sup- posed to have initiated a night of urgent lovemaking on both banks of the Seine. Don’t ask how such ° an event could be observed or checked on. It sounds like a music critic’s exaggeration, very helpful to ticket sales. Q. How can I go about letting my boyfrierd kuow I enjoy playing out sexuai fantasies? I am afraid he might think I’m loose or some- thing. When I sometimes suggest different positions, he looks at me strangely and keeps on doing his regular thing. Should I dump him and find someone else or confront him and tel! him what I want in sex? A. Be careful about dumping somebody over such an improvable thing as sexual style. He may not realize — many men still do not, even in this informed era —- that a single established pattern of lovemaking is not a foolproof way to give pleasure to every woman. He may think that it is unmanly to give in to the woman and let her lead in sex play. Also, he may think that your way will not be helpful to him, and if he departs from his sexual routine, he will lose control and falter as a lover. Many men are preoccupied with ideas of losing erections -or of having their orgasms too soon. From the way you phrase your question, it sounds like you are thinking of dumping this lover in any event and that his lovemaking style is the excuse you are using. If 100Se | UART ALEXANDER HAIR SALON is pleased to announce BOBBI you liked him in every other way, you should be thinking of anything other than getting rid of him in order io improve your sexual pleasure. How do you tell him? Well, tell him. In a good relationship, telling things to the other partner should be easy. That is something to think about. If telling him things is so hard, is it because he goes deaf on you or because you shy away from confiding in him as a sign of commitment from you? Q. How can women with small breasts enhance their partner’s sexual arousal? A, I sense that you feel inade- quately exciting as a woman because your breasts are on the small side, or because you think they are. Tais is saddening since I get so many letters asking what should they do because their breasts are too large. Men like small breasts and large breasts — men like breasts. I refer to men in general. Very few confide in me that they dislike breasts. It happens that some men go around talking about big breasts. Admirers of small, delicate breasts quality should be seen and not heard. Sc quiet you can answer the phone while it's running. OPEN TO THI @ biks. behind the Avalon mB at 1075 Roosevelt Cres.. N.Van. E 338, 985-8738 is now at STUART ALEXANDER 1289 ROBSON STREET, VANCOUVER 682-7302 Creative hair at its best isic for the tend to be quieter abour this pref- erence. But what man demands that his woman has to fit some pattern, down to the last millimetre or ounce? Tell me this: Is your boyfriend complaining? Either that your breasts are too delicate or that he wants his arousal enhanced? If he is satisfied, you should be satisfied. Q. My boyfriend is the first per- son I ever made love with. Nate- rally, we use contraception. Some- times I find myself crying during or after lovemaking, but for no apparent resson. My doyfriend asks me why and | really don’t know how to explain how happy I feel inside. How can I either con- ask Dr. Ruth Ruth Westheimer trol these emotions or explain them to him? A. I hope there is no reason coming from him to make you want to stop the emotion. Lovemaking is a great release of physical and emotional tensions. How to explain to him? Tell him that many people cry when over- whelmed with happiness. This is an established we of displaying or releasing emction. Tears of happiness and tears of gratitude are the standard phrases. Surely you have read a story or seen a movie where she cries when he comes home to her, when she comes home to him or when they meet in the middle of that big field. Tell him that he makes you so happy that you have to cry for pleasure, for happiness. Tell him that making love with him is like coming home from a long journey, so he should be pleased and not ask too many questions. The feeling of coming home after being lost or on. a tong journey comes to people who have lived quite happy lives, sc he shouldn’t feel there is some hard- lack story you are covering up. If it helps you, I have been asked this question many times by many women. Tears of happiness are real and widespread. : f = CORNER KEITH-BEWICKE-MARINE NCRTH VANCOUVER 988-6525 or 988-8052 NURSERIES & FLORIST in. 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