QUESTION: | .

I've always bean a very
orderly person, in fact, I
suspect I am too much that
way. I like doing things and
running my life in a
systematic manner. I like
making plans and sticking
with them. My wife, on the
other hand, is almost exactly
the opposite. She is im-
petuous almost to the point
of being scatterbrained. This
is a natural think with her
and it appeals to me - in her -
but NOT in me! She admires
my “steadiness” (as she calls
it) but she has no desire to be
that way herself. So, we are
not at each other's throats
over our dissimilarities, but
we bothr recognize that we
put each other through our
respective ringers, just by
being like we are. How can
we handle our extreme
differences in ways that will
pay off?

wwe es Ley
a
e °

STEWART: -

First off, be grateful that
you are not both going to
excesses in the same
direction. If you were BOTH
as orderly as you say you are
- “I suspect I am too much
that way” - or if you were

‘BOTH as impulsive as your

wife is, then you would
really have a rough go. Be
grateful for what you are
both bringing to the
relationship. Your wife's
impulsiveness has probably
saved you from drying up
and blowing away and your
steadiness has _ probably
curbed your wife’s scatter-
brained attributes to the
point where you are a sort of
Gibraltar for her to depend
upon.

Perhaps you can work out
a way of helping each other
with your excesses. For

rained’ wife

goodness sake, hang on to

your so called “steadiness”,
and by ali means encourage
your wife to keep her im- .
pulsiveness. You would do
well to allow yourself some
frivolous goofiness once in a
while. After your wife
recovers from fainting over
the surprise, she may be
willing to have you help her
plan a budget that she can
stick to for a few weeks or.
months. Your being a little
looser will encourage her.
Her being a little more
disciplined will lessen your
anxiety. Don't tell each
other HOW to avoid the
extremities. Let each make
his own choice and activiate
it in his own way. What can
you BOTH do? Accept each
other as you are, and sup-
port in each other each
effort to avoid being too
extremely stuffy or goofy.
You're a lucky couple!

Start-quit problem

QUESTION: lm a terrific
“self-starter,” ahd I suppose
you will cheer for that. But I
am also a_ terrible = self-
quitter! I am forever jum-
ping into things with en-
thusiasm and then backing
off. I do this with fun things
and more important things. I
got into yoga with some
friends, but soon I lost in-
terest. I start books and

rarely finish them. I start
dieting and quit. Oh I could
list a hundred things [I've
started and quit. ['m getting
tired of it. What's that all
about.

STEWART: If you don’t quit
being tired of it, you're in a
good position to change it!
There's so much to say on
this subject. I'll stick to just
one aspect of your
conundrum. It is a good idea
to-pay more attention to why
you START than why you
quit. Your reasons for
starting various activities
may not be good enough to
serve you well. Starting
something because your
friends are getting into it,
may not be a good enough
reason; starting something
because you've been led to

renovations.

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feel you “should”, is not
always rewarding enough to
inspire continuance; starting
something against what your
own higher self is hungry for
never seems to work well;
starting something you are
not really sold on, because it
gives you a chance to make
an impression on someone,
does not usually pay off, etc.
etc. If you have started
things for any of those

-reasons, perhaps you have

been wise to say to yourself,
“if at first you don’t succeed
- quit!” Be sure your reasons
for STARTING are goodones.

Are personality
tests helpful?

QUESTION: A year or so
ago you made passing
mention of a psychological
personality test and I believe
you said you use them. Do-
you find them to be very
helpful? If you do, will you
please give your readers
information about them? I
was intrigued by what you
said at the time and would
like to know more.

STEWART: Speaking
generally I am not one of the
more fervent supporters of

temperament analyses and
personality inventories, but I
believe they serve a valuable
purpose with some people
and I administer them when
I feel it is a good idea. I see
them as “tools” in assisting
people to gain a better
understanding of them-
selves, or how they feel
about themselves. I would
think there is not a wide
enough interest in them to
warrant my going into detail
about them here. If you
wish, give me a call and I'll
tell you about them.

Catty question

QUESTION: [I've just
learned that a friend of mine
has eleven cats! Any
comments? .

STEWART: You've

enquired of the wrong
person. I am a little con-
cerned about anyone who
has two! You can see that I
am prejudiced. We all have
our preferences. Mine do

not include cats, irregular
French verbs, cucumbers,

artificial flowers and pressed -

turkey. And yet, despite
these sins of mine, there are
people who still love me. In
doing so, how eloquently
they speak of man’s
tolerance for man. (A cat

. could not approach such

charity of spirit!)

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C3-Sunday News, July 13, 1980

ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
forappotniments for individual, family or group counselling. His new
office in the International Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) ts for the
convenience of North Shore residents.

- Free gifts

- everything in the
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